Question: How do you handle silliness at the dinner table and in the car. I want my kids to have fun but when they start saying thinks like poopie, underwear... etc. What do I do? I have scolded and given time outs. He is almost 4 years old. I have heard of people putting hot sauce on their tongue for offences of the mouth.What are your thoughts and ways? It seems inevitable that kids get silly with their words. Where do you draw the line?
Answer: I have never liked the thought of using hot sauce. I personally can't stand hot sauce- makes my mouth burn for hours. I don't want my punishments to hurt for hours.
I mostly don't expose my kids to people who says things like that- so they never learned it. That's my first line of defense.
A small child will hear things though- they are not in a bubble after all- So I will tell them that those are not words mommy likes. That gets rid of a lot. They want to please mommy and those words hurt mommies feelings.
A four year old can usually be stopped by telling them to stop. Then get them talking about something they like! If not, I personally would spank them. Spanking is not punishment in my house- it is a training tool. This behavior causes this sting on the backside. Everything else stops. Mom is not happy. It is not a joke. Again it is MOM'S attitude that is important. I spank with a plastic spoon- it has the koolaid smile on it. LOL! I spank through clothing. It is NOT the pain ( never leaves a mark). It is the situation. Mom is serious. You are bent over the couch and POP. One good swat makes the joke gone. You are now listening. You are turned around to face mom who is kneeling down to your height. "Now, honey, in our house we don't say that.I expect you to stop. Understand? Ok, give me a hug. I love you and want you to growup to be a person people like to be around- because you are so special!"
Mom's need to NEVER look or act harrassed. Nothing a kid does is to be taken PERSONALLY. instead remove the personal insult and think of it as your job to train them into PEOPLE that other people can stand! HAHA!If you THINK they can not be stopped- they can't. But if you KNOW children can be trained, then your job is easy. A DOG can be trained to do anything. Come on mom- dogs are dumb. I love dogs- have three myself- but they are not smart like a child! A child can LEARN how to act. They only need boundries. Set those and keep them. Hugs, Barbara
PS-Where to draw the line. Draw it where YOU are happy. You never should cringe in your own house/car. ;)
Question/ comment: I just want to say, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" I know you are just speaking about what you have learned and that the Lord wants to share the same things with all moms. Yet, I want to tell you that you sharing from you life, what you've learned has so encouraged me tonight. I have been able to look at my own relationship with my children and seen where I am doing things wrong. Also, I can see where God has been pointing me to do things better than I am doing and you have been used by Him this evening. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will be looking into getting your book. Thank you for giving me this gift.
Answer: Thank you! It is so nice to hear that my words helped someone! When you put things out there on a computer- you never know how they are coming across!I hope you get and enjoy the book. I often get letters and emails from people who are just stunned by my story. They figure anyone with this many kids must live a fairy tale life. It is refreshing just to hear another mom say- yep, I have been where you are and really understand. And I really do because I am a REAL person, not a character in a made up book. :) Hugs, Barbara
I just wanted to thank each of you ladies for the questions and comments! This was great fun for me. I hope I did not miss any of the questions- I tried to answer each one! If I did miss one please remind me!! And of course you can still ask questions here!May you each be blessed as you go about your day today! Give yourself a great big hug from me! And hug those kids! They will grow-up faster than you can imagine. Trust me, I know. Hugs, Barbara
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Ask the mother of 14 continued
Question: I am just weeks from delivering our third child. The others are almost 4 and just turned 2. I don't have much help from others. To be honest I feel alittle bitter at the church because very few even ask if I could use help or a break. My father died 15 years ago and my mom has Alzheimer's, my father in law died 5 years ago and my mother in law is 82. We just don't have family around to help.Did you have help from family or church when you were starting out.... the first 4 or 5 kids?Another bit I would love from you is ..... a couple of recipe favorites.Oh.. what church do you go to?
Answer: I never had help either. My mom would come for the delivery ( I had c-sections remember) but would always leave before I was even out of the hospital. She did not live in the same state and worked then. My husband would take only the days off while I was in the hospital. I was on my own. We did have church friends, but since we live an hour away from where we went to church- no help there.( a non-denominational church) A few times the ladies would bring out a meal or two.
I learned to freeze meals before. So all we had to do was take it out in the morning to thaw. Then pop it in the oven to bake. I would freeze rolls ahead, and do the same thing. We might add a canned or frozen veggie some meals. That got me through the first few months. It was still home-made food and you can't tell the difference.
I know it is hard to not have help. It was hard for me too. But there was nothing I could do about it. Getting upset only made it worse for ME. So I just decided to make a way to get things done myself- and I did. It paid off. I love having all these kids! May you find a place of peace in your heart about your situation. And CONGRATULATIONS on expecting a new baby soon!! I am green with envy! Hugs, Barbara
Question: ok, its me again, forgive me if this was already asked. how do you keep your house clean???? I assume everyone has chores, but that in itself its work to supervise!
Answer: Yes, everyone has chores. They are on a chart. Each person knows what to do- and they do it. We do a quick pick up each evening too. The only thing I have to say is, "Time to do your chores children" and they go. If you do a LOT of training while they are small then you have to do little else once they are big. ;)They KNOW mama means what she says- so mama don't have to say much! LOL!
I hear a lot from mom's about kids not listening. Ladies- grow a spine! A marine sargent can take a huge group of 18 and 19 year olds and whip them into shape in a week! In a day they are "yes Sir" "No Sir", making beds, peeling potatoes, scubbing floors, doing anything asked of them. Are they beaten into submission? no. A drill instructor does not "ask" them to do things. He "tells" them and EXPECTS they will obey.
Most mom's figure they won't obey and so they get kids that don't.You don't have to yell like your in the Marines- you are a lady AND have God's authority. But you DO have to mean what you say! A kid knows the difference. They also know how far they can go before they hit your "This is final" order.Make the FIRST time the final order! Saves time and energy!! Hugs, Barbara
PS-One more thing on the house. Have things done right away. Dishes need washed after each meal. Don't let anything like that build up! Do laundry daily. It takes much less brain time to keep it done, than to have to do a huge mountain all in one day! And the house looks better all week!
Question: I do, I do!!! Did you ever try to select the sex of any of your babies? Meaning did you do anything to select for better odds of having a boy or girl by doing anything and DID it work? Thanks in advance!
Answer: We never did anything. We just took what God gave us! LOL! Mine are (remeber I did not give birth to the first):G,G,B,B,B,B,B,B,G,G,B,G,G ( and one we miscarried too small to tell- get to find out once we get to heaven!)I have heard there are things you can do to make girls or boys, but don't know what they are. HAHA! I DO know the twins were conceived at the same time ;) and they are one Boy, one Girl. Hugs, Barbara
Answer: I never had help either. My mom would come for the delivery ( I had c-sections remember) but would always leave before I was even out of the hospital. She did not live in the same state and worked then. My husband would take only the days off while I was in the hospital. I was on my own. We did have church friends, but since we live an hour away from where we went to church- no help there.( a non-denominational church) A few times the ladies would bring out a meal or two.
I learned to freeze meals before. So all we had to do was take it out in the morning to thaw. Then pop it in the oven to bake. I would freeze rolls ahead, and do the same thing. We might add a canned or frozen veggie some meals. That got me through the first few months. It was still home-made food and you can't tell the difference.
I know it is hard to not have help. It was hard for me too. But there was nothing I could do about it. Getting upset only made it worse for ME. So I just decided to make a way to get things done myself- and I did. It paid off. I love having all these kids! May you find a place of peace in your heart about your situation. And CONGRATULATIONS on expecting a new baby soon!! I am green with envy! Hugs, Barbara
Question: ok, its me again, forgive me if this was already asked. how do you keep your house clean???? I assume everyone has chores, but that in itself its work to supervise!
Answer: Yes, everyone has chores. They are on a chart. Each person knows what to do- and they do it. We do a quick pick up each evening too. The only thing I have to say is, "Time to do your chores children" and they go. If you do a LOT of training while they are small then you have to do little else once they are big. ;)They KNOW mama means what she says- so mama don't have to say much! LOL!
I hear a lot from mom's about kids not listening. Ladies- grow a spine! A marine sargent can take a huge group of 18 and 19 year olds and whip them into shape in a week! In a day they are "yes Sir" "No Sir", making beds, peeling potatoes, scubbing floors, doing anything asked of them. Are they beaten into submission? no. A drill instructor does not "ask" them to do things. He "tells" them and EXPECTS they will obey.
Most mom's figure they won't obey and so they get kids that don't.You don't have to yell like your in the Marines- you are a lady AND have God's authority. But you DO have to mean what you say! A kid knows the difference. They also know how far they can go before they hit your "This is final" order.Make the FIRST time the final order! Saves time and energy!! Hugs, Barbara
PS-One more thing on the house. Have things done right away. Dishes need washed after each meal. Don't let anything like that build up! Do laundry daily. It takes much less brain time to keep it done, than to have to do a huge mountain all in one day! And the house looks better all week!
Question: I do, I do!!! Did you ever try to select the sex of any of your babies? Meaning did you do anything to select for better odds of having a boy or girl by doing anything and DID it work? Thanks in advance!
Answer: We never did anything. We just took what God gave us! LOL! Mine are (remeber I did not give birth to the first):G,G,B,B,B,B,B,B,G,G,B,G,G ( and one we miscarried too small to tell- get to find out once we get to heaven!)I have heard there are things you can do to make girls or boys, but don't know what they are. HAHA! I DO know the twins were conceived at the same time ;) and they are one Boy, one Girl. Hugs, Barbara
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: hi barbara,i have 8 children and i am really struggling with getting a schedule put in place. what is your advice?blessings
Answer: With 8 kids you need order. Does not have to be rigid but you do need a schedule. If you don't have things laid out in writing, you will spend all your time with every dodging work!
Sit down WITH the kids. make a list of all the daily chores that must be done.
Here is ours for an example:
Dishes- breakfast( lunch,dinner are scheduled also to different children).
Sweep and pick up livingroom
Sweep and pick up kitchen
Sweep, mop pink bathroom
Sweep, mop blue bathroom
Coats and shoes area picked-up
Hall swept and cat litter cleaned
Each of my children that are home all day, does one of these for a week at a time. (Except my 6 year old. She is not alone on the schedule yet- she is another childs "helper" each day)
They do it every morning after breakfast. The schedule rotates, so eventually everyone one does each job- then the schedule begins over again.
You have small children that won't be alone either. REALLY small kids are just to get dressed! LOL!But figure out what each child CAN do. At 7 my kids can clean any room in the house alone. :) Not DEEP clean like an adult, but enough that company can drop over and we wouldn't faint. Make yourself a schedule that is do-able.
You can put yourself on there if you want to, since you have fewer older kids. I am not on ours. I DEEP clean ONE room a day. I just rotate through them one by one, then begin again. That way the fact that I have little kids that miss things never shows up. :) I am the one who cleans toilets and tubs, washes out the dish drainer, cleans light fixtures, things like that
.I tend to be the one to start laundry as I putter around. All my kids can though, and if I am busy when the bell rings on the dryer I ask who-ever is in sight. ;) It goes into baskets all day. After school and before supper we fold. Each kid does a basket. Then it HAS to be put away before we eat- since we fold on the table. :)Making a schedule saves time. No fighting over who did- or did not do what. No having to remember who did the job last either. Anything not done is trace-able! Pare the work down so it is do-able on a schedule.
With 8 kids to take care of and school, you have to decide what is important. other things might be good, but not in THIS season of your life.
One more thing. Use that 15 year old as a helper, but don't make her carry too heavy a burden. It is easy to do. I have seen big families do that- and that older daughter tends to get a lot of head-aches. She is not mom. She IS old enough to carry her weight and a bit more. So let her do a bit more, but spoil her with a girls day out once in awhile too! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: With 8 kids you need order. Does not have to be rigid but you do need a schedule. If you don't have things laid out in writing, you will spend all your time with every dodging work!
Sit down WITH the kids. make a list of all the daily chores that must be done.
Here is ours for an example:
Dishes- breakfast( lunch,dinner are scheduled also to different children).
Sweep and pick up livingroom
Sweep and pick up kitchen
Sweep, mop pink bathroom
Sweep, mop blue bathroom
Coats and shoes area picked-up
Hall swept and cat litter cleaned
Each of my children that are home all day, does one of these for a week at a time. (Except my 6 year old. She is not alone on the schedule yet- she is another childs "helper" each day)
They do it every morning after breakfast. The schedule rotates, so eventually everyone one does each job- then the schedule begins over again.
You have small children that won't be alone either. REALLY small kids are just to get dressed! LOL!But figure out what each child CAN do. At 7 my kids can clean any room in the house alone. :) Not DEEP clean like an adult, but enough that company can drop over and we wouldn't faint. Make yourself a schedule that is do-able.
You can put yourself on there if you want to, since you have fewer older kids. I am not on ours. I DEEP clean ONE room a day. I just rotate through them one by one, then begin again. That way the fact that I have little kids that miss things never shows up. :) I am the one who cleans toilets and tubs, washes out the dish drainer, cleans light fixtures, things like that
.I tend to be the one to start laundry as I putter around. All my kids can though, and if I am busy when the bell rings on the dryer I ask who-ever is in sight. ;) It goes into baskets all day. After school and before supper we fold. Each kid does a basket. Then it HAS to be put away before we eat- since we fold on the table. :)Making a schedule saves time. No fighting over who did- or did not do what. No having to remember who did the job last either. Anything not done is trace-able! Pare the work down so it is do-able on a schedule.
With 8 kids to take care of and school, you have to decide what is important. other things might be good, but not in THIS season of your life.
One more thing. Use that 15 year old as a helper, but don't make her carry too heavy a burden. It is easy to do. I have seen big families do that- and that older daughter tends to get a lot of head-aches. She is not mom. She IS old enough to carry her weight and a bit more. So let her do a bit more, but spoil her with a girls day out once in awhile too! Hugs, Barbara
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: I love this thread also. I have 5 small kids ages 9 to 4. How do you handle the stress when several kids are having a bad day at the same time. Such as when, in my case, the oldest is whining because he has too much school work and he'll never get it done. The 6 year old is running around the house and jumping off the couch when he should be doing his school work. One 5 year old is screaming because life isn't fair (and her meds aren't working well). One 5 year old is in the pantry eating marshmallows (She climbed on a bucket which she pulled to the door so that she could unlock the pantry). The 4 year old won't put the puppy down and change her clothes which she has pottied in for the 3rd time that day. Obviously, this is just one of my examples, but how do you handle the stress and get everyone back on track?
Answer: Your answer lies in your first line:"I have 5 small kids" That is TRUE.
Do you allow yourself to function in that truth?
I often see moms with these huge, high expectations of what their life should be like. We watched to much "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Brady Bunch" growing up!! The mom was perfect. The kids -even when in trouble- were perfect. The house was perfect (Kids lived there?? there was no sign of them!)Well, Beavers mom had her kids in school all day. They were not there long enough to mess things up! And the Bradys were not only in school- but had a full time, live-in maid!!
Have we even had a bad day? Duh.
I think it is the moon. It pulls the tides and maybe our brains?? LOL!
My advice? First get your house in order. A cluttered house adds to the recipe for disaster.
Second, find a way to do school that is not so labor intensive for you. Keep school short and sweet. You will actually get more real learning in.
Third, when THOSE days happen- go with it. Have the 5 year old dump the marshmallows in a big pot for you. Having the climbing 6 year old climp up and get a box of cereal. Have the other 5 year old get a spoon. Tell the 4 year old to change so he can help cook- AND WASH HIS HANDS! Have the 9 year old measure out butter and cereal (math for the day) Then make rice crispy treats together.Take them to a blanket spread on the livingroom floor. Take turns reading with the 9 year old outloud while everyone eats treats and listens. Make your voices funny as you read to keep them entertained. Then get out paper and colors. Have everyone draw a picture of you making treats today to give to daddy when he come in. Then everyone go into the kitchen and make a game of making a special supper for dad. The 9 year old can stir. The others can fetch supplies and dump things in. Let them set the table fancy. Go find pretty flowers (weeds? leaves?) to put on the table. Count (math) out plates, forks, glasses. Put on music while you are working! (art appreciation) Then go outside while supper is in the oven. Make welcome home daddy pictures with chalk on the driveway or porch (writing AND art)
Learn to look at life with fun in mind. School is really a fake thing. It is the name we gave to learning how to LIVE. Real learning can take on many forms. ;) Be sure to tell dad what a great school day you had! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: Your answer lies in your first line:"I have 5 small kids" That is TRUE.
Do you allow yourself to function in that truth?
I often see moms with these huge, high expectations of what their life should be like. We watched to much "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Brady Bunch" growing up!! The mom was perfect. The kids -even when in trouble- were perfect. The house was perfect (Kids lived there?? there was no sign of them!)Well, Beavers mom had her kids in school all day. They were not there long enough to mess things up! And the Bradys were not only in school- but had a full time, live-in maid!!
Have we even had a bad day? Duh.
I think it is the moon. It pulls the tides and maybe our brains?? LOL!
My advice? First get your house in order. A cluttered house adds to the recipe for disaster.
Second, find a way to do school that is not so labor intensive for you. Keep school short and sweet. You will actually get more real learning in.
Third, when THOSE days happen- go with it. Have the 5 year old dump the marshmallows in a big pot for you. Having the climbing 6 year old climp up and get a box of cereal. Have the other 5 year old get a spoon. Tell the 4 year old to change so he can help cook- AND WASH HIS HANDS! Have the 9 year old measure out butter and cereal (math for the day) Then make rice crispy treats together.Take them to a blanket spread on the livingroom floor. Take turns reading with the 9 year old outloud while everyone eats treats and listens. Make your voices funny as you read to keep them entertained. Then get out paper and colors. Have everyone draw a picture of you making treats today to give to daddy when he come in. Then everyone go into the kitchen and make a game of making a special supper for dad. The 9 year old can stir. The others can fetch supplies and dump things in. Let them set the table fancy. Go find pretty flowers (weeds? leaves?) to put on the table. Count (math) out plates, forks, glasses. Put on music while you are working! (art appreciation) Then go outside while supper is in the oven. Make welcome home daddy pictures with chalk on the driveway or porch (writing AND art)
Learn to look at life with fun in mind. School is really a fake thing. It is the name we gave to learning how to LIVE. Real learning can take on many forms. ;) Be sure to tell dad what a great school day you had! Hugs, Barbara
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: What great advice you give. I really enjoyed this thread. It makes me feel like I could go and have a bunch more kids and be just fine. If only the hubby would agree to it... I also love your humor! Thanks:)
Answer: Keep in mind MY husband said TWO kids.... LOL! Our 14 kids love to remind him of that!!!! Hugs, Barbara
Question: I'm having a hard time managing my almost 3 yo dd while my boys, 2nd & 5th grade are doing their lessons. Any advice?
Answer: Delete
A 3 year old needs a lot of attention. I know it can be hard to juggle so many things. It helps if you can cement in your mind that the 3 year old is just being NORMAL. When your oldest was 3, they needed the same amount of attention, you just did not have anyone else taking up YOUR attention.
That said, it helps to involve little ones as much as you can. When the older ones are working, have "school" things for the 3 year old. Things he ONLY gets during "school" time. Like a puzzle, playdough, blocks, water painting books, certain coloring books, even a video- things like that. If he ONLY gets them when the other two are working on school, they will keep him more entertained than if they are things he gets to play with all the time.
Also, a 3 year old should be napping daily. I always did math with my older ones during nap time- since that is usually the most one on one subject.And for heaven sake- teach your kids to do school work alone! Once they can read well, let them see what they can do with-out you. I am a resource for my kids. They come to me when they are stuck! Encourage them to work alone. That frees you to play with your 3 year old! (workboxes are great for helping them gain this independance) Hugs, Barbara
Answer: Keep in mind MY husband said TWO kids.... LOL! Our 14 kids love to remind him of that!!!! Hugs, Barbara
Question: I'm having a hard time managing my almost 3 yo dd while my boys, 2nd & 5th grade are doing their lessons. Any advice?
Answer: Delete
A 3 year old needs a lot of attention. I know it can be hard to juggle so many things. It helps if you can cement in your mind that the 3 year old is just being NORMAL. When your oldest was 3, they needed the same amount of attention, you just did not have anyone else taking up YOUR attention.
That said, it helps to involve little ones as much as you can. When the older ones are working, have "school" things for the 3 year old. Things he ONLY gets during "school" time. Like a puzzle, playdough, blocks, water painting books, certain coloring books, even a video- things like that. If he ONLY gets them when the other two are working on school, they will keep him more entertained than if they are things he gets to play with all the time.
Also, a 3 year old should be napping daily. I always did math with my older ones during nap time- since that is usually the most one on one subject.And for heaven sake- teach your kids to do school work alone! Once they can read well, let them see what they can do with-out you. I am a resource for my kids. They come to me when they are stuck! Encourage them to work alone. That frees you to play with your 3 year old! (workboxes are great for helping them gain this independance) Hugs, Barbara
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: Hi Barbara ! I think your book will be a great read and hope to order it soon! It has been soooo nice to hear your words of wisdom and to be able to hear how "real" you are!I have 5 children. I have been homeschooling for 4 years now, and I am STILL struggling to do it right! Of course I know that what is right for one family may not be right for another...but I still haven't found the right curriculum...and been able to stay consistent with it. I really believe in homeschooling, but have been struggling this week..thinking I want to call it quits.FIRST, thanks so much for this post. It has reminded me, ONCE AGAIN, of what's really important, Loving my kids. I know that I can do this...that God has given me these children for a reason. He will help me!SECOND, how did you, or do you, school your kids?? I am trying to teach my 5, but it's not getting done to my satisfaction. Also, do you go by the public schools year? or do you teach all year long? Off and on??Thanks so much for your help! God bless! and Hugs back to you!!!
Answer: Thank you for asking about this! I think you summed up what a LOT of mom's feel! We are all "struggling to get it right". We are convinced the "right" curriculum will make everything smooth- if we could just find that magic curriculum!
Well, I HAVE FOUND IT! Wanna know which one it is????
Well, there is a rule. You can't tell anyone once you know. Each mom must go on her own quest. You have to find a high mountain. You must crawl up it on your hands and knees. There is a dragon up there. You must either give it the perfect gift, or kill it. Then....Naw, just kidding.
The truth is that any curriculum is the perfect one- if you like using it. :) The perfect one will be different for each mom and each child. Really. Stop your magic quest. Instead think about what you like to do. How does your child learn best- things other than "school"? Then match yourself with those kind of things. I had friends who ooohh'ed and aaaah'ed over a certain kind of math books. So our first year we bought those. After a few weeks, each time it was math time- I began to hope a bus would crash into the house and put me out of my misery. ( Ok, it was not QUITE that bad). But guess what? Now we like math. (well, reasonably well!) Why? because I pitched those books and tried something different!
Sharing exactly what I do in my house might muck you up. It might not fit your kids or you. If you want to risk it ask again. :)But I do want to tell you this! Join the WORKBOX group here on THL! No matter what curriculum you use- or don't use (that is a hint about my school) it will help you. I host that group now. :) I have homeschooled over 18 years now, and always loved homeschooling....and using workboxes has made this our best year ever!!I do school all my kids. I have graduated several. I have 8 more to go! We school all year. We do a short schedule in the summer. We love school around here! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: Thank you for asking about this! I think you summed up what a LOT of mom's feel! We are all "struggling to get it right". We are convinced the "right" curriculum will make everything smooth- if we could just find that magic curriculum!
Well, I HAVE FOUND IT! Wanna know which one it is????
Well, there is a rule. You can't tell anyone once you know. Each mom must go on her own quest. You have to find a high mountain. You must crawl up it on your hands and knees. There is a dragon up there. You must either give it the perfect gift, or kill it. Then....Naw, just kidding.
The truth is that any curriculum is the perfect one- if you like using it. :) The perfect one will be different for each mom and each child. Really. Stop your magic quest. Instead think about what you like to do. How does your child learn best- things other than "school"? Then match yourself with those kind of things. I had friends who ooohh'ed and aaaah'ed over a certain kind of math books. So our first year we bought those. After a few weeks, each time it was math time- I began to hope a bus would crash into the house and put me out of my misery. ( Ok, it was not QUITE that bad). But guess what? Now we like math. (well, reasonably well!) Why? because I pitched those books and tried something different!
Sharing exactly what I do in my house might muck you up. It might not fit your kids or you. If you want to risk it ask again. :)But I do want to tell you this! Join the WORKBOX group here on THL! No matter what curriculum you use- or don't use (that is a hint about my school) it will help you. I host that group now. :) I have homeschooled over 18 years now, and always loved homeschooling....and using workboxes has made this our best year ever!!I do school all my kids. I have graduated several. I have 8 more to go! We school all year. We do a short schedule in the summer. We love school around here! Hugs, Barbara
Monday, October 19, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question/ comment: Tiany said:
This post is such a HUGE gift!! This very post ... "our seasoned moms sharing all that they have learned" is exactly what THL is all about! Thank you so much Barbara!!!Ladies the wisdom Barbara has to share is endless. :-)She did not ask me to share this but I want everyone to be aware and take advantage of this generous offer...She has offered her book to all the moms on THL at a reduced rate of $15 (this includes shipping)Thank you Barbara!!!
Answer: Delete
Thank you Tiany for sharing about the book!
I so enjoy sharing with mom's, but I think each mom has to find her own deep well of joy, if she wants to be a successful homeschooling mom. We can not give what we do not have- so each mom needs to have a solid foundation of joy in her own life.Many mom's have a heart full of love, a pocketfull of school ideas, and a real lack of happiness. We search for the perfect books or ideas that will make our homeschools a place of peace and joy. We try our best, and feel like we are failing.
It really has nothing to do with books or grades. It really is our heart condition- we are not connected in a real tangible way to our Creator. We are trying to get through the days on our own. We are left feeling empty and sad.
And sadly, many mom's look to that big yellow bus to solve the problem.No problem is ever solved by shipping it off though.
The truth is it is not our kids or books. It is us. We have been taught about salvation and we believe. Yet the power we should have is not there. Why?Because we only got the beginning of the journey! No one ever took the time to show us the rest of the path! The Bible seems hard to understand- because we have always been told it is hard! The Bible seems like a rule book, instead of the love letter it really is!
In my book I walk you verse by verse into a new world of joy! Into a joy that can not be shaken! I show you joy where you least expect it! You will never read the Bible the same way again! Bible study will never seem dry or difficult again! Joy will pop out of the pages and into your heart!I truly wish I had a ton of money- so I could give the book to each mom I meet! I hope this $15 special will help get the books into the hands of more women who need to hear my message of joy! If you can ladies, please buy a copy- read it- and then pass it on!We all carry so much baggage and guilt around with us. It keeps us stuck in the past. God wants us moving forward in joy! Loved, forgiven, and happy! I hope in my small way I can help you find your way. Hugs, Barbara
This post is such a HUGE gift!! This very post ... "our seasoned moms sharing all that they have learned" is exactly what THL is all about! Thank you so much Barbara!!!Ladies the wisdom Barbara has to share is endless. :-)She did not ask me to share this but I want everyone to be aware and take advantage of this generous offer...She has offered her book to all the moms on THL at a reduced rate of $15 (this includes shipping)Thank you Barbara!!!
Answer: Delete
Thank you Tiany for sharing about the book!
I so enjoy sharing with mom's, but I think each mom has to find her own deep well of joy, if she wants to be a successful homeschooling mom. We can not give what we do not have- so each mom needs to have a solid foundation of joy in her own life.Many mom's have a heart full of love, a pocketfull of school ideas, and a real lack of happiness. We search for the perfect books or ideas that will make our homeschools a place of peace and joy. We try our best, and feel like we are failing.
It really has nothing to do with books or grades. It really is our heart condition- we are not connected in a real tangible way to our Creator. We are trying to get through the days on our own. We are left feeling empty and sad.
And sadly, many mom's look to that big yellow bus to solve the problem.No problem is ever solved by shipping it off though.
The truth is it is not our kids or books. It is us. We have been taught about salvation and we believe. Yet the power we should have is not there. Why?Because we only got the beginning of the journey! No one ever took the time to show us the rest of the path! The Bible seems hard to understand- because we have always been told it is hard! The Bible seems like a rule book, instead of the love letter it really is!
In my book I walk you verse by verse into a new world of joy! Into a joy that can not be shaken! I show you joy where you least expect it! You will never read the Bible the same way again! Bible study will never seem dry or difficult again! Joy will pop out of the pages and into your heart!I truly wish I had a ton of money- so I could give the book to each mom I meet! I hope this $15 special will help get the books into the hands of more women who need to hear my message of joy! If you can ladies, please buy a copy- read it- and then pass it on!We all carry so much baggage and guilt around with us. It keeps us stuck in the past. God wants us moving forward in joy! Loved, forgiven, and happy! I hope in my small way I can help you find your way. Hugs, Barbara
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: Barbara ~I cannot thank you enough for sharing your brain with the rest of us!This thread is a JOY to read!As an only child until the age of 12 I can't even BEGIN to imagine growing up with that many siblings. It is a blessing to all of them (whether they currently realize it or not).I noticed you had a fairly large (5 year) age gap between your 4th and 5th children. How did you help your at the time youngest deal with having a new baby in the family?
Answer: New babies were always a thrill at our house! I always told the kids I needed lots of helpers and that the new baby was so lucky to have them as big brothers and sisters! I let them hold the baby- with help. I praised, praised, praised anyone who would talk to and play with baby so mommy could get a few things done! Praise and hugs, praise and hugs!
Let them cuddle up while you nurse and read with you. Let them show baby their art ( baby loves the noise! of siblings). Tell baby how lucky they are to have----to teach them things!! Make baby fun- not another things to get fussed at about. Don't worry about noise. I have had babies sleep through band saws and drills, laughing and running, movies and kids! And be sure to tell the older ones about when THEY were babies. Your eyes were....., your mouth....., you smiled when.... Makes being no longer the baby a fun thing too!
The biggest mistake people make is thinking the older ones will naturally resent a baby. Kids LOVE babies. Even emo looking teens in a store will come smile at a baby!! It is the grown-ups who ruin it. "be quiet, move back, don't touch, I "know you don't like baby, But"- what a STUPID thing to say to a kid!!!One thing I did when I had a small child right above- you know, not really big enough to be trusted. :)- I let them rub the babies feet with lotion! Over and over- tons of the stuff. My babies never had dry feet! LOL! And if the 2 year old wants to kiss baby on the head- and then baby is now coverd in peanutbutter....smile and thank God for your blessings. Babies wash!! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: New babies were always a thrill at our house! I always told the kids I needed lots of helpers and that the new baby was so lucky to have them as big brothers and sisters! I let them hold the baby- with help. I praised, praised, praised anyone who would talk to and play with baby so mommy could get a few things done! Praise and hugs, praise and hugs!
Let them cuddle up while you nurse and read with you. Let them show baby their art ( baby loves the noise! of siblings). Tell baby how lucky they are to have----to teach them things!! Make baby fun- not another things to get fussed at about. Don't worry about noise. I have had babies sleep through band saws and drills, laughing and running, movies and kids! And be sure to tell the older ones about when THEY were babies. Your eyes were....., your mouth....., you smiled when.... Makes being no longer the baby a fun thing too!
The biggest mistake people make is thinking the older ones will naturally resent a baby. Kids LOVE babies. Even emo looking teens in a store will come smile at a baby!! It is the grown-ups who ruin it. "be quiet, move back, don't touch, I "know you don't like baby, But"- what a STUPID thing to say to a kid!!!One thing I did when I had a small child right above- you know, not really big enough to be trusted. :)- I let them rub the babies feet with lotion! Over and over- tons of the stuff. My babies never had dry feet! LOL! And if the 2 year old wants to kiss baby on the head- and then baby is now coverd in peanutbutter....smile and thank God for your blessings. Babies wash!! Hugs, Barbara
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: Hi Barbara. I love reading your posts. You have so much wisdom. I only have four kids, , but people act like I have 14...sometimes it feels like I have 14! hahaha You have been such a blessing and I really appreciate getting the chance to peek into your family life. You've already answered most of my questions, but I do have a question.What do you do with the lazy child? My ds6 wishes he were an only child (and tells me that regularly). I can't spend enough time with him...he always wants more. He is perfectly happy to let his older brother do ALL the work. We've tried rotating chores to keep it interesting, but even when he volunteers for something, the only thing he wants to do is watch tv or be outside. It is a daily struggle to get him to do anything. He would rather stand there and cry for 20 minutes about how he hates doing something that would take him less than 5 minutes. I expect it a little in his schoolwork, b/c this is only our second year doing school with him, but it is like this with everything. He is our most rebellious, too. He never wants to do what everyone else is doing...unless it is everyone outside of our family. He causes the most strife in our home, and it can really sour my mood quickly.Thanks again for taking the time to share your wisdom.
Answer: I'm not sure I have time to do this question justice! The truth is that in my experience no 6 year old boy wants to "do his share" of the work. :) 6 is still really young. A 6 year old wants and NEEDS to play a lot.
I talk a lot about training small children to work, but I mean WITH mom. I have never put a 6 year old alone on a job on our chore chart. I double them up. Now I have the gift of older children- but I EARNED that by having a houseful of small ones once! HAHA! People often forget that. My big kids were small once!
Ladies, At 6 everything needs to be a game. They are too young to act like an adult. "Go clean your room" is an order that is going to get everyone crying. Him because that is like being told to go to the coal mines, and you because it won't get done.
Instead get that room organized first. Make it easy to clean. Get rid of 682 small toys that get dumped while looking for the one truck he loves. Get rid of the shirts you thought were cute- and he refuses to wear and throws on the floor while looking for the green shirt he wears every other day! LOL!
Then break things down and make it fun mama. Let the kids be kids AND be helpers. Grab a small laundry basket, the 2 year old, and the 6 year old. Go in the room. Now, smile mom. This is FUN! " Let's see who can pick up the most clothes the fastest!" or "Ok, John you get the green clothes! Sara get the red clothes! I'll get the yellow ones! GO!"Scramble and laugh! Bump into each other! Fall in a heap laughing!
Now let them drag it to the laundry room. Ok John put the clothes in the washer! I'll pour the soap! Sara push the button! WOW! you two are mommies big helpers! I can't wait to tell daddy you did the laundry today! let's go make lemon-aid!!!
A mom's job is to train the children to work, but that is the small part. Your more important job is to train them to be happy. All of life is work. We can smile and play the work away, or we can drag through it. Those who drag will never lead anyone to Jesus. If your a Christian and look like you are sucking lemons- who wants what you have? So we need to make having happy kids top of our list!
Go watch Mary Poppins! In every job is fun- if you will find it. How do the kids see YOU doing your job? Do you walk into the room and go "AHHHHHH, this place is a mess. I don't know why you are such a slob. You are lazy and messy. Clean this place up!" Or do you say,"Wow, we must of had fun in here! look at this place! Let's see who can pick up a basket full first! When we are done we can play scrabble!"Hugs, Barbara
Question/ comment:This thread is amazing and such a blessing! Thank you Barbara! I have to come back again and read the rest I missed before asking a question. I love asking mothers like you questions, to learn from your wisdom and see how it applies to our family.Blessings to you
Answer: I'm not sure I have time to do this question justice! The truth is that in my experience no 6 year old boy wants to "do his share" of the work. :) 6 is still really young. A 6 year old wants and NEEDS to play a lot.
I talk a lot about training small children to work, but I mean WITH mom. I have never put a 6 year old alone on a job on our chore chart. I double them up. Now I have the gift of older children- but I EARNED that by having a houseful of small ones once! HAHA! People often forget that. My big kids were small once!
Ladies, At 6 everything needs to be a game. They are too young to act like an adult. "Go clean your room" is an order that is going to get everyone crying. Him because that is like being told to go to the coal mines, and you because it won't get done.
Instead get that room organized first. Make it easy to clean. Get rid of 682 small toys that get dumped while looking for the one truck he loves. Get rid of the shirts you thought were cute- and he refuses to wear and throws on the floor while looking for the green shirt he wears every other day! LOL!
Then break things down and make it fun mama. Let the kids be kids AND be helpers. Grab a small laundry basket, the 2 year old, and the 6 year old. Go in the room. Now, smile mom. This is FUN! " Let's see who can pick up the most clothes the fastest!" or "Ok, John you get the green clothes! Sara get the red clothes! I'll get the yellow ones! GO!"Scramble and laugh! Bump into each other! Fall in a heap laughing!
Now let them drag it to the laundry room. Ok John put the clothes in the washer! I'll pour the soap! Sara push the button! WOW! you two are mommies big helpers! I can't wait to tell daddy you did the laundry today! let's go make lemon-aid!!!
A mom's job is to train the children to work, but that is the small part. Your more important job is to train them to be happy. All of life is work. We can smile and play the work away, or we can drag through it. Those who drag will never lead anyone to Jesus. If your a Christian and look like you are sucking lemons- who wants what you have? So we need to make having happy kids top of our list!
Go watch Mary Poppins! In every job is fun- if you will find it. How do the kids see YOU doing your job? Do you walk into the room and go "AHHHHHH, this place is a mess. I don't know why you are such a slob. You are lazy and messy. Clean this place up!" Or do you say,"Wow, we must of had fun in here! look at this place! Let's see who can pick up a basket full first! When we are done we can play scrabble!"Hugs, Barbara
Question/ comment:This thread is amazing and such a blessing! Thank you Barbara! I have to come back again and read the rest I missed before asking a question. I love asking mothers like you questions, to learn from your wisdom and see how it applies to our family.Blessings to you
Friday, October 16, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: How would you handle the following situation:A 7 year old boy has suddenly stopped eating his vegetables. I breast fed him for almost two years, and have never given him just "kid food." Vegetable have always been very present in our home, and he has always eaten them without any complaints. Now, suddenly he is balking at eating his vegetables. I think there are some sensory issues and he lives to swim upstream, no matter what the rest of us are doing. Part of me says it will pass and to not make an issue of it. Another part of me wants to serve the same plate of food over and over (however, that raises food safety issues). When a child shows a reasonable dislike for a food, I don't serve it to him (Why should I? I don't serve food to my husband he dislikes, and I don't force myself to eat what I dislike.).Any pearls of wisdom on this one? Thanks!
Answer: Ashley- This is one of those questions where there is no one right answer. I don't know what makes your son tick, but you do. So I will tell you two ways I have handled the same thing with my own kids. Each was different because the children and what I thought was REALLY going on were different. :)
1- child is just being a stinker for no obvious reason. I have learned to pick my battles. Some battles are not worth having. If it seemed to just be vegetable thing, a being 7 thing, a for-some-reason-I-lost-my-mind kind of thing I would wait it out for awhile. That child would get no larger serving of anything else, and no snacks other than raw veggies. :) If they get double what they do like, you could lose the battle. But if they are just eating less by skipping the veggies.....let it go for awhile. If they don't get a fight ( which MIGHT be what they are aiming for) then it will probably correct itself.
2-Child is seeing who is boss. Then I would up the stakes a bit. (Don't fight with them- never fight unless you can WIN.) Instead make sure they get no extra serving size of what they ARE eating. Put the veggies on the plate. Tell them you want them to eat them. Once. Don't mention it again. If they don't eat them. Don't say a word. (This is the hard part) Throw them out when you do dishes.... Then serve dessert. (Esp effective is dessert is rare in your house) This needs to be something good that they like, but did not know you had. ;) Don't give them any. "Sorry, you weren't hungry enough to eat your vegetables, so I know you don't need this treat". End of story. No debate. No anything. Expect tears. Brace yourself mom.The next night have dessert out in the open before dinner. Serve veggies with no discussion. Most kids will give up and eat them. (Unless you caved in last night) If not, enjoy dessert with-out them. If you do not let their pouting, crying, saying they hate this family, bother you in the least- it will end after a few times of this- never to be spoken of. ;)I do allow my kids one food each they hate. LOL! It does not get to change meal to meal though. HAHA! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: Ashley- This is one of those questions where there is no one right answer. I don't know what makes your son tick, but you do. So I will tell you two ways I have handled the same thing with my own kids. Each was different because the children and what I thought was REALLY going on were different. :)
1- child is just being a stinker for no obvious reason. I have learned to pick my battles. Some battles are not worth having. If it seemed to just be vegetable thing, a being 7 thing, a for-some-reason-I-lost-my-mind kind of thing I would wait it out for awhile. That child would get no larger serving of anything else, and no snacks other than raw veggies. :) If they get double what they do like, you could lose the battle. But if they are just eating less by skipping the veggies.....let it go for awhile. If they don't get a fight ( which MIGHT be what they are aiming for) then it will probably correct itself.
2-Child is seeing who is boss. Then I would up the stakes a bit. (Don't fight with them- never fight unless you can WIN.) Instead make sure they get no extra serving size of what they ARE eating. Put the veggies on the plate. Tell them you want them to eat them. Once. Don't mention it again. If they don't eat them. Don't say a word. (This is the hard part) Throw them out when you do dishes.... Then serve dessert. (Esp effective is dessert is rare in your house) This needs to be something good that they like, but did not know you had. ;) Don't give them any. "Sorry, you weren't hungry enough to eat your vegetables, so I know you don't need this treat". End of story. No debate. No anything. Expect tears. Brace yourself mom.The next night have dessert out in the open before dinner. Serve veggies with no discussion. Most kids will give up and eat them. (Unless you caved in last night) If not, enjoy dessert with-out them. If you do not let their pouting, crying, saying they hate this family, bother you in the least- it will end after a few times of this- never to be spoken of. ;)I do allow my kids one food each they hate. LOL! It does not get to change meal to meal though. HAHA! Hugs, Barbara
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: Thanks Barbara for giving us a look into your life.Do you have a TV? If so, do you ever all sit down together to watch it together?We are only 6 and seldom watch a show together it seems like there is always something better to do with our time.
Answer: We do have a TV. We have a few shows we really love and watch each week in the evening. We do not have it on during the day unless it is History or Science. Hugs, Barbara
Question: Wow! I just read your "bio" of sorts, your chapter, and you've been through SOO much! I bet you look back and am just amazed! God has done some pretty cool things through the adventures you surely didn't sign up for! I just had to add again... THANK YOU for sharing your story and opening yourself up to help us!I think sometimes we don't even realize some of the things we go through in life are to bless others!He died very recently, but there was a young father at our church and he gave his testimony and pointed at a large scar and dent on his forehead from all his brain surgeries... he said that scar gives him a way to share his testimony of God's blessings in his life and that we should all let our scars show because they are gifts to point others to Jesus... thank you for showing me your scars.
Answer: hank you for this comment . That is why I wrote the book.
I think we in the church have been the worst of all really, about hiding our failures and faults. It leaves people who are struggling feeling alone and afraid- they think they are the only ones. I think instead of living in these plastic boxes, we need to share , so others can have hope!
The book is my life story, but it is so much more. I go through the whole New Testament and show you all the JOY verses that are there! Verses we don't hear on Sunday morning. Or verses we overlook or mis-read! God wants us to be happy and full of joy NOW! Not just in heaven, but right here- right now. And I can prove it!
If you read the book you will see how each of those verses lifted me when I was in the dark. How God brought me to a place of joy right where I was. That joy is available to everyone, but we don't teach that. We teach sin and salvation (which of course is where we must start), but then we kick people out the door into the world! They are saying "Now what do I do? How do I LIVE this Christian life? Finding Jesus is not the END of the trip! It is only the beginning!I felt God was asking me to be honest. Be real. And to lead women to joy! So that is what I tried to do with the book. ;) Hugs, Barbara
Answer: We do have a TV. We have a few shows we really love and watch each week in the evening. We do not have it on during the day unless it is History or Science. Hugs, Barbara
Question: Wow! I just read your "bio" of sorts, your chapter, and you've been through SOO much! I bet you look back and am just amazed! God has done some pretty cool things through the adventures you surely didn't sign up for! I just had to add again... THANK YOU for sharing your story and opening yourself up to help us!I think sometimes we don't even realize some of the things we go through in life are to bless others!He died very recently, but there was a young father at our church and he gave his testimony and pointed at a large scar and dent on his forehead from all his brain surgeries... he said that scar gives him a way to share his testimony of God's blessings in his life and that we should all let our scars show because they are gifts to point others to Jesus... thank you for showing me your scars.
Answer: hank you for this comment . That is why I wrote the book.
I think we in the church have been the worst of all really, about hiding our failures and faults. It leaves people who are struggling feeling alone and afraid- they think they are the only ones. I think instead of living in these plastic boxes, we need to share , so others can have hope!
The book is my life story, but it is so much more. I go through the whole New Testament and show you all the JOY verses that are there! Verses we don't hear on Sunday morning. Or verses we overlook or mis-read! God wants us to be happy and full of joy NOW! Not just in heaven, but right here- right now. And I can prove it!
If you read the book you will see how each of those verses lifted me when I was in the dark. How God brought me to a place of joy right where I was. That joy is available to everyone, but we don't teach that. We teach sin and salvation (which of course is where we must start), but then we kick people out the door into the world! They are saying "Now what do I do? How do I LIVE this Christian life? Finding Jesus is not the END of the trip! It is only the beginning!I felt God was asking me to be honest. Be real. And to lead women to joy! So that is what I tried to do with the book. ;) Hugs, Barbara
Ask a mother of 14
Question: Barbara, thank you so much for starting this thread and for your insight! You seem to have a very "laid back" personality yet you're so on top of things!I've read that Michelle Duggar said the most challenging time for her was having five aged five and under and I can totally agree with that. I see that there was a bit of space between your older ones and the others, but did you ever feel similarly? (Is that a word???)How much domestic support did your husband give you when your children were younger and did you ever have any family help you like take the children for a couple of hours so you could be in the house alone. I feel so guilty, but I would just like to be in my home alone for a couple of hours. People, even DH laughs about that (and really isn't in the position to help me with this due to his work), but I am so serious. Someone else can have my two week vacation in Hawaii that I'll win for entering the so and so such and such contest, I just want a literal couple of hours here.
Answer: I am not sure what to answer! LOL!
When my twins were born I had the twins, then a child 14 months older than them, then a child 18 months older than that child, and one 2 years older than him! Then also a 9, 12, & 15 year olds. I walked in my sleep it seemed the first three months. LOL!
Really though, having the first three was probably harder- because it was all new to me. You learn a lot and get very relaxed after the first three! LOL!My husband was not much help until the last two. Hard for me to admit, and harder still for hubby to admit. I was pretty much on my own in the baby dept. AT NIGHT. He would help when he was home- which let's face it, was not that much since he worked long hours, and provided well for us. And he would take a baby and walk the floor so I could sleep a few hours in the evening- when we had the twins. But once it was bed time, he went to bed- period. End of story. If I needed a nap, I had to arrange for the older ones to help watch little ones during the day. Even if they were ill. He got a full nights sleep. He was a loving husband and father in every other area, but that was his blind spot.
Truth is I got tired, and it was hard at times not to resent that fact. But I really love my husband and I loved having babies. I believed that God gave me both this husband and these kids- so there had to be a way. And I found one. I trained my kids to all nap at once- so I could too. I taught older kids to help. And I learned to just let go of the negative emotion. I believed that I could function on the sleep I got- and I did. I figured God knew what I had to have. :) I accepted my life as it was and I loved, and loved, and loved. I let joy have its work. ;)
Now I know some will think I was a nut. And maybe I still am. But, I figured God loved me- even before I was saved- and after even when I mess up. So the fact my husband did not help at night- which he should have- was the same to me. I decided to love right past it. And you know what? When Kortney was born, something changed. it was nothing I did or said. My husbands heart changed. God had his work. All of a sudden I had a husband who let me keep the baby in bed. Who got up in the night and changed wet messy diapers. Who sat and read to me while I nursed the baby. It was the same with Lavender. He became the most tender man you could ever ask for. And so he still is today.
Was it worth bearing the burden alone all those years? I look into the eyes of all my children and say yes. I am so very thankful for each of my children. I look at the fine man I am now married to, and say yes.Well, that got off subject didn't it? Anyway, trust me- the kids will grow up on you, faster than you think. The house will be yours alone one day. So, I understand JUST what you mean. :) Enjoy the season you are in, you never know what is right around the corner! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: I am not sure what to answer! LOL!
When my twins were born I had the twins, then a child 14 months older than them, then a child 18 months older than that child, and one 2 years older than him! Then also a 9, 12, & 15 year olds. I walked in my sleep it seemed the first three months. LOL!
Really though, having the first three was probably harder- because it was all new to me. You learn a lot and get very relaxed after the first three! LOL!My husband was not much help until the last two. Hard for me to admit, and harder still for hubby to admit. I was pretty much on my own in the baby dept. AT NIGHT. He would help when he was home- which let's face it, was not that much since he worked long hours, and provided well for us. And he would take a baby and walk the floor so I could sleep a few hours in the evening- when we had the twins. But once it was bed time, he went to bed- period. End of story. If I needed a nap, I had to arrange for the older ones to help watch little ones during the day. Even if they were ill. He got a full nights sleep. He was a loving husband and father in every other area, but that was his blind spot.
Truth is I got tired, and it was hard at times not to resent that fact. But I really love my husband and I loved having babies. I believed that God gave me both this husband and these kids- so there had to be a way. And I found one. I trained my kids to all nap at once- so I could too. I taught older kids to help. And I learned to just let go of the negative emotion. I believed that I could function on the sleep I got- and I did. I figured God knew what I had to have. :) I accepted my life as it was and I loved, and loved, and loved. I let joy have its work. ;)
Now I know some will think I was a nut. And maybe I still am. But, I figured God loved me- even before I was saved- and after even when I mess up. So the fact my husband did not help at night- which he should have- was the same to me. I decided to love right past it. And you know what? When Kortney was born, something changed. it was nothing I did or said. My husbands heart changed. God had his work. All of a sudden I had a husband who let me keep the baby in bed. Who got up in the night and changed wet messy diapers. Who sat and read to me while I nursed the baby. It was the same with Lavender. He became the most tender man you could ever ask for. And so he still is today.
Was it worth bearing the burden alone all those years? I look into the eyes of all my children and say yes. I am so very thankful for each of my children. I look at the fine man I am now married to, and say yes.Well, that got off subject didn't it? Anyway, trust me- the kids will grow up on you, faster than you think. The house will be yours alone one day. So, I understand JUST what you mean. :) Enjoy the season you are in, you never know what is right around the corner! Hugs, Barbara
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: Wow Barbara, you have such an amazing view on life. Thanks for this thread. I may have missed it, but I don't think my silly question was asked - how do you get around town (what type of vehicle) and do you ever get to go on family holiday? We travel so much for our children's sport - I don't know how you do it with so many personalities and interests.
Answer: We recently DOWN SIZED to a 12 passanger van! LOL! I had driven a 15 passanger for many, many years. :) With only 9 kids still home, and one of those in college, we felt it was time to go ahead and down size. Our van was getting old and cranky. :)We do take vacations. We have the bonus of my mom living at the beach in NC AND a daughter who owns a fishing lodge in MN. :) So we only pay for gas and food- and well, we would be eating food no matter what-right?!! I figure by the time all the kids are grown we will have free lodging all over the place! HAHA!We buy a season ticket to the zoo and go several times a year.My now 17 year old, who is in college, has worked for a water park the last two summers and earns enough bonus tickets for us to get to go free each summer to that also!We do not do sports. Well, we play tennis as a family. :) Hugs, Barbara
Answer: We recently DOWN SIZED to a 12 passanger van! LOL! I had driven a 15 passanger for many, many years. :) With only 9 kids still home, and one of those in college, we felt it was time to go ahead and down size. Our van was getting old and cranky. :)We do take vacations. We have the bonus of my mom living at the beach in NC AND a daughter who owns a fishing lodge in MN. :) So we only pay for gas and food- and well, we would be eating food no matter what-right?!! I figure by the time all the kids are grown we will have free lodging all over the place! HAHA!We buy a season ticket to the zoo and go several times a year.My now 17 year old, who is in college, has worked for a water park the last two summers and earns enough bonus tickets for us to get to go free each summer to that also!We do not do sports. Well, we play tennis as a family. :) Hugs, Barbara
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Mother of 14 continued
Question: That is beautiful Barbara! I cannot wait to continue reading the rest of this thread!I was thinking today about family planning matters and our family. I had our fifth child in January and we said we would stop there, but there was something about me saying that and taking measures to prevent another persons life...that just felt like it wasn't my choice. I know the Lord opens and closes the womb and have been searching for His answers. I was thinking for the first time that I don't believe He ever mentions that we are to want for more or less than He gives us in anything...so why children? It dawned on me that so many things serve as idols to us and even good things can be idols. Such as wanting more children to a point that the thought consumes us. On the flip side of that, not wanting the ones he may give b/c we want a certain lifestyle could also be idolizing. There must be a reason He gives us fertility for a certain number of years. Maybe whatever happens in those years should be up to Him and we should just leave our cares about patience, money, and the opinions of others to Him. I know the more children I've had the closer I've come to know Him. I need Him more now. I need His strength, I need His wisdom, I cannot do it alone, and I wouldn't want to!Do you have any specific scripture that made you feel it was the Lord who needed to decide the size of your family?
Answer: I can only speak for us. I would not presume to tell anyone else how to walk out scripture. God has a plan for each of our lives. At different times different scriptures will have new meaning for a person. Something you may have read many times, all of a sudden is for YOU. Do you know what I mean? Psalm 127 and 128 is part of the answer for us.Children are our heritage and are God's blessing. What other blessings do we limit?As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children...Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them...Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine...For us, those scriptures were to be walked out- literally. And we have been blessed indeed. Others get another call on their lives. Maybe the call to be missionaries when they read of going into all the world. Maybe to be preachers as they read scripture. Maybe to adopt. This was our call.Hugs, Barbara
Answer: I can only speak for us. I would not presume to tell anyone else how to walk out scripture. God has a plan for each of our lives. At different times different scriptures will have new meaning for a person. Something you may have read many times, all of a sudden is for YOU. Do you know what I mean? Psalm 127 and 128 is part of the answer for us.Children are our heritage and are God's blessing. What other blessings do we limit?As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children...Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them...Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine...For us, those scriptures were to be walked out- literally. And we have been blessed indeed. Others get another call on their lives. Maybe the call to be missionaries when they read of going into all the world. Maybe to be preachers as they read scripture. Maybe to adopt. This was our call.Hugs, Barbara
Monday, October 12, 2009
Mother of 14 continued
Question: Hi, Barbara, I'm mom to 6 children. 11-5 year old. My question is we don't have the children taking music lessons, dance, or sports. We are busy enough just getting school done and keeping the house decent.I do take them to AWANA on Wed., church on Sunday and we take a walk to the park. We don't really have groups or co-ops.We don't isolate our children but it does seem like we are the only ones that stay home. LOL.My question is do you stay home a lot or are your dc in play groups, sports etc. ?When the children are older I would like them to do some community service; helping older people with their lawns, helping in homeless shelters and such.Will dc be okay with out doing any co-ops and such? Strange question I know :) Anyway, just wondering what your thoughts are on this. I know there is probably no set answer ;)
Answer: We are only involved in church, and a homeschool group that meets twice a month. This is the first year we have been involved in a homeschool group. I was too busy keeping my own boat afloat before this year. :)
My now 22 year old took piano lessons when he was 15- 17. He paid for them himself.My kids go with me everywhere though. When I shop- they are there following along like ducks. They are quite social creatures and will talk to anyone. :) They help neighbors with haying and seasonal things when they are teens- Mow lawns, paint fences, things like that.
I personally think mom's wear themselves out running here and there. I always figured being a "Keeper at home" meant I had to be there. LOL! I have enough kids that they have lots of playmates. if I had an only child I might be more involved in other things- but not something all the time. Running, running, running makes for tired, cranky kids and moms.Three of my four homeschooled graduates went on to college. They settled in fine and were not "unsocialized". Made A's and friends. :) Hugs, Barbara
Answer: We are only involved in church, and a homeschool group that meets twice a month. This is the first year we have been involved in a homeschool group. I was too busy keeping my own boat afloat before this year. :)
My now 22 year old took piano lessons when he was 15- 17. He paid for them himself.My kids go with me everywhere though. When I shop- they are there following along like ducks. They are quite social creatures and will talk to anyone. :) They help neighbors with haying and seasonal things when they are teens- Mow lawns, paint fences, things like that.
I personally think mom's wear themselves out running here and there. I always figured being a "Keeper at home" meant I had to be there. LOL! I have enough kids that they have lots of playmates. if I had an only child I might be more involved in other things- but not something all the time. Running, running, running makes for tired, cranky kids and moms.Three of my four homeschooled graduates went on to college. They settled in fine and were not "unsocialized". Made A's and friends. :) Hugs, Barbara
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: This thread is so fun :) Yes I have always wanted to sit with a mom with a big family and just talk to her.Here are my questions:how did you space your children?This one might be a bit more touchy but...Are your teenagers godly people? Yet at the same time do they have there own personality? what I mean is when I have seen large families they are either sooo perfect and all dressed the same (and usually all look alike lol ) or once they hit the older teenage years they end up rebelling against their parents faith and God because of no discipline in the home.thank you for answering my question.
Answer: Spacing my kids. I always wanted a bunch of kids. I was the little girl who watched the Waltons and dreamed....Well, my husband said TWO kids MAX. So we had #1. Then planned and had #2 three years later. That was the "worlds" perfect spacing I had been told. So baby days were done. Right? When we took down the crib I said we should see about selling it. Hubby said WE ARE NOT SELLING THAT CRIB. Huh??? Oooo,kkkk.....A few days later he asked if I would be willing to have one more. 9 months and 30 min later baby #3 was born. HAHA!Then we had a space of almost 5 years.
The details are in my book Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People. I have chapter 1 in my nook notes if you want to read that FREE. You might have to go back a few pages in my nook notes but it is there. It is also posted FREE on my website:www.polkadotstarflowers.com
Then we had #4. After that we just decided that the Bible tells us children are a blessing and that we were going to accept all the blessings God had planned for us. That is just how we saw it. Not every couple will feel that way, but we do. :) After that the babies came like stair- steps. My youngest is 6, so I guess we are done. But I treasure those days.
The second question is best answered by reading my book- at least the first chapter. It is a long and sometimes painful path we trod for a few years. I will say that the kids who NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL have been very different than those who did in their early years. The first two had huge problems that I feel were caused by my giving them over to the world. Both are back in the fold so to speak. :)All the others have been a constant joy to me. God taught me a lot. I learned the hard way. But I also learned that where-ever we are in lifes path, we can change paths. If we are lost and in the dark, all we have to do it turn around. We don't even have to back-track. Because when we turn God will be right there, ready to take our hand and lead us back into the light. Hugs, Barbara
PS-Not to sound like an ad but for the 10,000 mom's celebration I am selling my book for $15 total- that includes the shipping and handling. That is a $5 savings this month. :)
Answer: Spacing my kids. I always wanted a bunch of kids. I was the little girl who watched the Waltons and dreamed....Well, my husband said TWO kids MAX. So we had #1. Then planned and had #2 three years later. That was the "worlds" perfect spacing I had been told. So baby days were done. Right? When we took down the crib I said we should see about selling it. Hubby said WE ARE NOT SELLING THAT CRIB. Huh??? Oooo,kkkk.....A few days later he asked if I would be willing to have one more. 9 months and 30 min later baby #3 was born. HAHA!Then we had a space of almost 5 years.
The details are in my book Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People. I have chapter 1 in my nook notes if you want to read that FREE. You might have to go back a few pages in my nook notes but it is there. It is also posted FREE on my website:www.polkadotstarflowers.com
Then we had #4. After that we just decided that the Bible tells us children are a blessing and that we were going to accept all the blessings God had planned for us. That is just how we saw it. Not every couple will feel that way, but we do. :) After that the babies came like stair- steps. My youngest is 6, so I guess we are done. But I treasure those days.
The second question is best answered by reading my book- at least the first chapter. It is a long and sometimes painful path we trod for a few years. I will say that the kids who NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL have been very different than those who did in their early years. The first two had huge problems that I feel were caused by my giving them over to the world. Both are back in the fold so to speak. :)All the others have been a constant joy to me. God taught me a lot. I learned the hard way. But I also learned that where-ever we are in lifes path, we can change paths. If we are lost and in the dark, all we have to do it turn around. We don't even have to back-track. Because when we turn God will be right there, ready to take our hand and lead us back into the light. Hugs, Barbara
PS-Not to sound like an ad but for the 10,000 mom's celebration I am selling my book for $15 total- that includes the shipping and handling. That is a $5 savings this month. :)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: With so many children, do you have any that are "problem" children? By that I mean, just have a hard time learning to listen and obey, or mouth off often, etc. If so, how do you handle them? My older two are great, but my 3rd (who is 5) is hard to handle and I'm out of ideas. He mouths off so much and disobeys so much that I wonder if there isn't something going on, like some kind of disorder or something. Do you have any kids that gave you more of a hard time?
Answer: My children have always been perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Back to reality now. :)
I have all these kids. EACH one is different. They have different personalities and different birth orders.The ages keep changing! Every year! LOL! Some are more forceful in their personalities. I personally prefer the kid that is naughty right out in the open. It is the quiet sneaky ones that give you real trouble! LOL! Open naughty you can see and deal with quickly!
WARNING!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE remember I am speaking from MY experience ladies. So don't be offended if that I say misses the mark for your life. Ok? Ok!
I also think naughty children are naughty to get mom's attention. As we have more children we have to be sure we are not raising a crowd. We are still raising each child. Each one needs the same love and attention as if they were the first. They need to feel SPECIAL. Now, of course our amount of time is not going to double with each child. There are only so many hours in a day. So what is a mom to do?First accept your life. I mean that. The times I struggled, I have found I was wishing for something different than what I had. I learned to just be happy with the season I am in. I also learned to trust that even when I felt like "I'm not smart enough to do this!" That I was!
God would not give us these kids if we could not do a good job! He knows how many hours are in a day. he knows what work must get done. There is a way to do everything that NEEDS done. Your job is to find that way. The answer is inside you. God put it there. Search it out.
Ok, I am getting off track. So. IS something wrong with that child? No way! There is NO DISORDER. Accept that and half your problem is solved. Then accept this- that child has the personality God knew he would need AS AN ADULT. Later in his life, that special, active , stubborn child is going to have a life call that will need that! YOUR job is to train him to control it! So stay on top of things. Make housework easier. make meals easier, so you have TIME to help that child learn to control himself. Make rules and stick to them. But, also find ways to allow that personality to grow. Your job is not to change it, but to mold it. Kids with that bent need to be held accountable. Spanking is often not terribly effective. (and I do believe in spanking- even THOSE kids LOL!) But WORK usually has a better effect. Work WITH mom is even better. So if my trouble kid was having a hard time- it was time to clean out that awful tool closet- together. Or mow the yard, rake leaves, plant flowers... Something unpleasant, and physical, but also a time to talk. These kids actually thrive when kept busy with mom- talking. Their minds are just stuffed full of things they are not old enough to do. Talking helps clear the brain cells. :) So buddy up with that child a lot. Have them be the kid you "can count on" to work on special things with you. All that energy is YOURS TO USE. This is the kid that needs a garden, or a fish tank to clean, or a deck to help build, or a Wii fit to work out energy! Get close with them, because someday they might just rule the world! You want to be on their side! LOL! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: My children have always been perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Back to reality now. :)
I have all these kids. EACH one is different. They have different personalities and different birth orders.The ages keep changing! Every year! LOL! Some are more forceful in their personalities. I personally prefer the kid that is naughty right out in the open. It is the quiet sneaky ones that give you real trouble! LOL! Open naughty you can see and deal with quickly!
WARNING!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE remember I am speaking from MY experience ladies. So don't be offended if that I say misses the mark for your life. Ok? Ok!
I also think naughty children are naughty to get mom's attention. As we have more children we have to be sure we are not raising a crowd. We are still raising each child. Each one needs the same love and attention as if they were the first. They need to feel SPECIAL. Now, of course our amount of time is not going to double with each child. There are only so many hours in a day. So what is a mom to do?First accept your life. I mean that. The times I struggled, I have found I was wishing for something different than what I had. I learned to just be happy with the season I am in. I also learned to trust that even when I felt like "I'm not smart enough to do this!" That I was!
God would not give us these kids if we could not do a good job! He knows how many hours are in a day. he knows what work must get done. There is a way to do everything that NEEDS done. Your job is to find that way. The answer is inside you. God put it there. Search it out.
Ok, I am getting off track. So. IS something wrong with that child? No way! There is NO DISORDER. Accept that and half your problem is solved. Then accept this- that child has the personality God knew he would need AS AN ADULT. Later in his life, that special, active , stubborn child is going to have a life call that will need that! YOUR job is to train him to control it! So stay on top of things. Make housework easier. make meals easier, so you have TIME to help that child learn to control himself. Make rules and stick to them. But, also find ways to allow that personality to grow. Your job is not to change it, but to mold it. Kids with that bent need to be held accountable. Spanking is often not terribly effective. (and I do believe in spanking- even THOSE kids LOL!) But WORK usually has a better effect. Work WITH mom is even better. So if my trouble kid was having a hard time- it was time to clean out that awful tool closet- together. Or mow the yard, rake leaves, plant flowers... Something unpleasant, and physical, but also a time to talk. These kids actually thrive when kept busy with mom- talking. Their minds are just stuffed full of things they are not old enough to do. Talking helps clear the brain cells. :) So buddy up with that child a lot. Have them be the kid you "can count on" to work on special things with you. All that energy is YOURS TO USE. This is the kid that needs a garden, or a fish tank to clean, or a deck to help build, or a Wii fit to work out energy! Get close with them, because someday they might just rule the world! You want to be on their side! LOL! Hugs, Barbara
Friday, October 9, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question/ comment: Barbara, I love this advice! A lot of the things I already do, but I like the last one especially. Sometimes I have to remember that the kids will really remember the time you spend with them doing simple things, rather than the time you spend scrubbing floors or watching t.v.
Question: Barbara, Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I am a mom of a large family like you. My question is what are you best tips for making a great dinner for your family while homeschooling. I am teaching five of my eight children this year and dinner is my biggest challenge.Do you have any favorite recipes to share as well.
Answer: I agree that dinner is the hardest part of the day. You are tired of thinking by then! The kids are hungry, the house needs put back in order, hubby is going to walk in the door and want your attention! So what is a mom to do?
Start supper right after breakfast. I really think that is my #1 best advice. Get in that freezer, or pantry and plan what you are having. Cooking is not really the hard part- it is THINKING that late in the day. :)I like to use my crockpot or roaster quite a bit. Start beans, or soup, or a roast ( if you eat meat), or baked potatoes after breakfast. Add seasonings and stir a few times during the day and supper makes itself.
Or if I am doing something like lasagna I put it together in the morning. It does not hurt it to sit there all day. Then pop it in the oven an hour before you want to eat. Your hands are free then!Learn to double up- thereby cutting your work in half. So, if you are making something like lasagna- make two. One to eat, one to freeze. It only takes minutes more to make two, once everything is out anyway. Then freeze it and next week- take it out first thing in the morning. It will be thawed out and ready to bake by an hour before supper. Easy meal! If you did that for every meal you made over two weeks- then the next two weeks you would never have to prepare a meal- just bake it. :)
Or if you make a big pot of beans one day to eat as soup, make twice as much as you need. Drain the liquid off the leftover beans, add taco seasoning. Roll those beans and some shredded cheese inside flour tortillas. Cover with enchilada sauce. Now you have the next days meal made. Put it in the frig till you are ready to pop it in the oven for an hour. two meals- completely different with only one prep time!
Walk through the frozen food section. Any meal THEY can freeze- YOU can freeze! It will be cheaper and taste better if you make it yourself though! Look at your own recipes and think of what you would need to do to make them ahead. If you only double each recipe, you are making TIME for other things. TIME is you most valuable resource! Hugs, Barbara
Question: Barbara, Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I am a mom of a large family like you. My question is what are you best tips for making a great dinner for your family while homeschooling. I am teaching five of my eight children this year and dinner is my biggest challenge.Do you have any favorite recipes to share as well.
Answer: I agree that dinner is the hardest part of the day. You are tired of thinking by then! The kids are hungry, the house needs put back in order, hubby is going to walk in the door and want your attention! So what is a mom to do?
Start supper right after breakfast. I really think that is my #1 best advice. Get in that freezer, or pantry and plan what you are having. Cooking is not really the hard part- it is THINKING that late in the day. :)I like to use my crockpot or roaster quite a bit. Start beans, or soup, or a roast ( if you eat meat), or baked potatoes after breakfast. Add seasonings and stir a few times during the day and supper makes itself.
Or if I am doing something like lasagna I put it together in the morning. It does not hurt it to sit there all day. Then pop it in the oven an hour before you want to eat. Your hands are free then!Learn to double up- thereby cutting your work in half. So, if you are making something like lasagna- make two. One to eat, one to freeze. It only takes minutes more to make two, once everything is out anyway. Then freeze it and next week- take it out first thing in the morning. It will be thawed out and ready to bake by an hour before supper. Easy meal! If you did that for every meal you made over two weeks- then the next two weeks you would never have to prepare a meal- just bake it. :)
Or if you make a big pot of beans one day to eat as soup, make twice as much as you need. Drain the liquid off the leftover beans, add taco seasoning. Roll those beans and some shredded cheese inside flour tortillas. Cover with enchilada sauce. Now you have the next days meal made. Put it in the frig till you are ready to pop it in the oven for an hour. two meals- completely different with only one prep time!
Walk through the frozen food section. Any meal THEY can freeze- YOU can freeze! It will be cheaper and taste better if you make it yourself though! Look at your own recipes and think of what you would need to do to make them ahead. If you only double each recipe, you are making TIME for other things. TIME is you most valuable resource! Hugs, Barbara
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question/ comment: Barbara, I am loving your advice! I sometimes am envious of moms like you, who have it "all together" - but slowly I am changing my perspective of myself, rather than trying to live up to other's percieved expectations. You help make that a reality to me :) I have a sort of embarrassing question for you. As for potty training, I always am apprehensive to ask others what has worked for them. Did you do it the same way for all of them, or let the child choose when he is ready, and let them lead?Thank you!
Answer:I do indeed have it all together...unfortunately I forgot where I put it! HAHA!
If you saw my computer table you would change your mind about me having it all together! LOL!
As far as potty training. I was relaxed (think lazy?) in that area. I could never see the use in making it a fight. Diapers did not bother me much. I waited until I could tell they were getting the idea. Then I bought cute undies. That trained some of them right there. Others were slow to catch on to use the potty EVERY time. So I put up a paper on the wall. Each time they actually went in the potty, they got a sticker! I had two that I was sure knew how to control it- used the potty when they wanted to, but used their undies if they were busy playing. I tried cute underwear, stickers, praise, etc. Still dragged on. So I began using ICE COLD water to was the mess off. "You're just to big- warm water won't work now". A few times of that and they were done. :) it was no longer warm fun mom time. LOL! Hugs, Barbara
Answer:I do indeed have it all together...unfortunately I forgot where I put it! HAHA!
If you saw my computer table you would change your mind about me having it all together! LOL!
As far as potty training. I was relaxed (think lazy?) in that area. I could never see the use in making it a fight. Diapers did not bother me much. I waited until I could tell they were getting the idea. Then I bought cute undies. That trained some of them right there. Others were slow to catch on to use the potty EVERY time. So I put up a paper on the wall. Each time they actually went in the potty, they got a sticker! I had two that I was sure knew how to control it- used the potty when they wanted to, but used their undies if they were busy playing. I tried cute underwear, stickers, praise, etc. Still dragged on. So I began using ICE COLD water to was the mess off. "You're just to big- warm water won't work now". A few times of that and they were done. :) it was no longer warm fun mom time. LOL! Hugs, Barbara
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: How do you stay so young looking?? I seriously thought you were in your 30's!Thanks so much for your honesty. I'm always in awe of big families. I have one VERY BUSY boy and I feel like he's more than I can handle some days. I really can't even imagine 13 more!
Answer: Oh, thank you!! I think kids keep you young! Hugs, Barbara
Question: I can't believe that they did 10 csec on you! my question was if you were going to have more, but I think no because of the csec~!
Answer: The c-sections had nothing to do with it. :) I had a great doc that accepted our feelings about children. :) We decided to leave the planning of our family up to God years ago. The flip side of allowing as many kids as God gives, is to also accept when he no longer gives them. :) This is our longest span by far- so I am pretty sure we are done. Hugs, Barbara
Answer: Oh, thank you!! I think kids keep you young! Hugs, Barbara
Question: I can't believe that they did 10 csec on you! my question was if you were going to have more, but I think no because of the csec~!
Answer: The c-sections had nothing to do with it. :) I had a great doc that accepted our feelings about children. :) We decided to leave the planning of our family up to God years ago. The flip side of allowing as many kids as God gives, is to also accept when he no longer gives them. :) This is our longest span by far- so I am pretty sure we are done. Hugs, Barbara
Ask a mother of 14 Continued
Question/comment: Oh my - Barbara - you are healing my spirit with every word.I usually am strong enough to enjoy the life as it is but with the new baby on its way, my spirit is a little bit low.Thank you for all your advices, for the wisdom you want to share with us - I think we all appreciate it very much.
Answer:You are so welcome dear. :) and you bring up a good point...being pregnant changes things!I carried 12 children to full term. I had difficult pregnancies with all of them, and had 10 c-sections. Bet you didn't guess that! LOL!
You need to learn to love the stage you are in. When you are carrying a child, and trying to homeschool, and run a house, and be a wife, and......... well you get the picture! Guess what? It can be tiring! But, If I can do it so can you! I am not Wonder Woman- though I would like to wear the cape and boots some days. HAHA! I just learned to relax and enjoy where I am in life. My baby days are but a memory, but they are good memories!
I always got very sick early in the pregnancy. So I learned to start making and freezing meals the second I missed a period! I could manage to stuff one of those meals in the oven each evening, add a salad out of a bag and a roll and poof-supper! Even with my head in the toilet, supper got hot! Do I still do that? No, not often- because I don't need to now.
During those years I only bought one type of white tube sock for all the kids. They were knee high on some, calf length on others- depended on the length of the childs leg! LOL! But it saved me matching socks when I was too sick or too round to reach the basket!
Give yourself a break moms! Accept help with-out guilt! Do what needs done and let the rest wait for another season. Allow yourself the joy of enjoying being pregnant, with-out the fake expectations of perfection. This time will be past you all too soon. Enjoy the miracle you are a part of. Hugs, Barbara
Answer:You are so welcome dear. :) and you bring up a good point...being pregnant changes things!I carried 12 children to full term. I had difficult pregnancies with all of them, and had 10 c-sections. Bet you didn't guess that! LOL!
You need to learn to love the stage you are in. When you are carrying a child, and trying to homeschool, and run a house, and be a wife, and......... well you get the picture! Guess what? It can be tiring! But, If I can do it so can you! I am not Wonder Woman- though I would like to wear the cape and boots some days. HAHA! I just learned to relax and enjoy where I am in life. My baby days are but a memory, but they are good memories!
I always got very sick early in the pregnancy. So I learned to start making and freezing meals the second I missed a period! I could manage to stuff one of those meals in the oven each evening, add a salad out of a bag and a roll and poof-supper! Even with my head in the toilet, supper got hot! Do I still do that? No, not often- because I don't need to now.
During those years I only bought one type of white tube sock for all the kids. They were knee high on some, calf length on others- depended on the length of the childs leg! LOL! But it saved me matching socks when I was too sick or too round to reach the basket!
Give yourself a break moms! Accept help with-out guilt! Do what needs done and let the rest wait for another season. Allow yourself the joy of enjoying being pregnant, with-out the fake expectations of perfection. This time will be past you all too soon. Enjoy the miracle you are a part of. Hugs, Barbara
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question/ comment: Barbara; I adore this thread! It is so awesome to read and see how you make it work! It gives me so much inspiration!!
Answer: :)Thanks! For everyone:Another thing I have learned is that every home is different. Dad's desires are different. Mom's are different. Each child brings in a new personality. Do not compare yourself with another wife or mom. She does not have the same people in her family as you do in yours. So your way of doing things needs to suit YOUR family. There is no "right" way.
The home needs to be clean enough to be healthy and stress free. Clutter is a big enemy, because it brings with it stress. But THINGS may not be. Each family has things they enjoy. It is what is right for them. We love books. I have bookshelves in every room. If you think books are a clutter- you would find those shelves a pet peeve. My family is not into sports, so your sport equipment would bug me- but it is perfect for a family who plays sports several times a week.So take stock of YOUR family. What makes you tick? Those are the things to keep. Throw out the rest and get that house under control. Less house work makes more TIME! If no school gets done for a week, but you clean out your house- it is time well spent! Sell your extras, or give them to Goodwill.
Then train those kids to help. The time you spend training will come back to you someday. Don't wait until they are old enough to do a job to start either- because by then they think the housework is YOUR job. They will resent being dumped on. If they have always worked WITH YOU, then it is only natural that they will work without you when they are old enough to do a job alone. You hold baby's hand to walk when they are first learning- but a 10 year old does not hold your hand to walk anymore. Same thing.
And please, please, please let your home and kids show your personality to the world. Cookie cutter mom's are not very appealing! God made you, with your gifts, because he knew what kids you would get! He knew what they would need in a mom- and YOU ARE IT. Be confident in your abilities! Makes no difference if you have one or a dozen, birthed or adopted.YOU are the right lady for the job! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: :)Thanks! For everyone:Another thing I have learned is that every home is different. Dad's desires are different. Mom's are different. Each child brings in a new personality. Do not compare yourself with another wife or mom. She does not have the same people in her family as you do in yours. So your way of doing things needs to suit YOUR family. There is no "right" way.
The home needs to be clean enough to be healthy and stress free. Clutter is a big enemy, because it brings with it stress. But THINGS may not be. Each family has things they enjoy. It is what is right for them. We love books. I have bookshelves in every room. If you think books are a clutter- you would find those shelves a pet peeve. My family is not into sports, so your sport equipment would bug me- but it is perfect for a family who plays sports several times a week.So take stock of YOUR family. What makes you tick? Those are the things to keep. Throw out the rest and get that house under control. Less house work makes more TIME! If no school gets done for a week, but you clean out your house- it is time well spent! Sell your extras, or give them to Goodwill.
Then train those kids to help. The time you spend training will come back to you someday. Don't wait until they are old enough to do a job to start either- because by then they think the housework is YOUR job. They will resent being dumped on. If they have always worked WITH YOU, then it is only natural that they will work without you when they are old enough to do a job alone. You hold baby's hand to walk when they are first learning- but a 10 year old does not hold your hand to walk anymore. Same thing.
And please, please, please let your home and kids show your personality to the world. Cookie cutter mom's are not very appealing! God made you, with your gifts, because he knew what kids you would get! He knew what they would need in a mom- and YOU ARE IT. Be confident in your abilities! Makes no difference if you have one or a dozen, birthed or adopted.YOU are the right lady for the job! Hugs, Barbara
Monday, October 5, 2009
Question: Hi Barbara!I love reading whatever you write about, you have been such a blessing to me! Thanks for the question invitation!My kids are 8,6,4, almost 2, and one on the way.My question is- when your oldest was young and you had a bunch of littles- was your house clean on a regular basis? If so- how did you do it? If not, how did you cope with it!? :)Also, do you have a schedule, or a routine?Thanks!, and *hugs* back to you :)
Answer:Delete
What a great question! I like to tell people that in life you can have two out of three- kids, a perfect house, and happiness. You get to pick which two!!My house STILL does not look like house beautiful. It is clean though. :) When you have a lot of kids and are homeschooling you just have more mess. Don't think of it as something wrong. Schools have janitors-they get messy too!
I have learned several things:
1-Relax a bit. Life is not all about perfect homes. A home is a tool, not a showplace!
2-Get rid of everything that causes work and stress that is not useful! You can have 800 knicknacks when you are old! Now is not the time to have to dust every other day! Less is more. Why have 30 nail polishes- you wear the same one over and over- right?!! If you got rid of half your things in a yard sale- you would have enough money for a date with hubby and a cleaner home! LOL!
3-Let kids clean with you. A messy folded washcloth by a 3 year old, will one day be a 10 year old that can do the laundry alone!
4-Have a clean up time before daddy gets home. Really, school is messy at times. Let it be messy! But clean it up before daddy gets home, so the evening is stress free. No one can relax with a half finished volcano on the livingroom floor!
5-have a chore chart. At first it will be just yours. Plan to deep clean just one room a day. keep the others picked up, but really deep clean that room. next day do another room. Rotate through them one by one. So on one room ever gets out of control!
6-Never leave dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing will bring your spirit down more than that. Put the baby in the highchair, put a stool up close so the toddlers can help and wash those dishes. Think of it as a pre-bath for them!
7-Start the first load of laundry before breakfast. it will be done running by the time you have eaten and done dishes- now you can start load # 2 and it is early!
8-plan supper right after breakfast! that way in the afternoon when you are getting tired- you are not stuck with no plan, no supper, tired kids, a hungry husband, and the feeling you are not cut out for this! Use a crockpot. Make and freeze meals. Plan simple meals. But plan ahead!
9-Ask hubby what things are most important to him. Sometimes we kill ourselves over things that husband does not even notice, and forget to do the things that would make life smoother. if having laundry done is #1 and a garden is #862 on his list- then you working in the garden while laundry piles up is going to cause stress. Make sure to get the important things done- the others can wait till all those little ones are teens!
10-Never forget what your goal in life is. Go look at your kids while they are sleeping. Now picture them being the age you are right now. Got that image in your mind? Now, what is important right now today? What will they remember? A screaming tired mom washing windows? or a mom helping make chalk pictures on the porch. Hugs, Barbara
Answer:Delete
What a great question! I like to tell people that in life you can have two out of three- kids, a perfect house, and happiness. You get to pick which two!!My house STILL does not look like house beautiful. It is clean though. :) When you have a lot of kids and are homeschooling you just have more mess. Don't think of it as something wrong. Schools have janitors-they get messy too!
I have learned several things:
1-Relax a bit. Life is not all about perfect homes. A home is a tool, not a showplace!
2-Get rid of everything that causes work and stress that is not useful! You can have 800 knicknacks when you are old! Now is not the time to have to dust every other day! Less is more. Why have 30 nail polishes- you wear the same one over and over- right?!! If you got rid of half your things in a yard sale- you would have enough money for a date with hubby and a cleaner home! LOL!
3-Let kids clean with you. A messy folded washcloth by a 3 year old, will one day be a 10 year old that can do the laundry alone!
4-Have a clean up time before daddy gets home. Really, school is messy at times. Let it be messy! But clean it up before daddy gets home, so the evening is stress free. No one can relax with a half finished volcano on the livingroom floor!
5-have a chore chart. At first it will be just yours. Plan to deep clean just one room a day. keep the others picked up, but really deep clean that room. next day do another room. Rotate through them one by one. So on one room ever gets out of control!
6-Never leave dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing will bring your spirit down more than that. Put the baby in the highchair, put a stool up close so the toddlers can help and wash those dishes. Think of it as a pre-bath for them!
7-Start the first load of laundry before breakfast. it will be done running by the time you have eaten and done dishes- now you can start load # 2 and it is early!
8-plan supper right after breakfast! that way in the afternoon when you are getting tired- you are not stuck with no plan, no supper, tired kids, a hungry husband, and the feeling you are not cut out for this! Use a crockpot. Make and freeze meals. Plan simple meals. But plan ahead!
9-Ask hubby what things are most important to him. Sometimes we kill ourselves over things that husband does not even notice, and forget to do the things that would make life smoother. if having laundry done is #1 and a garden is #862 on his list- then you working in the garden while laundry piles up is going to cause stress. Make sure to get the important things done- the others can wait till all those little ones are teens!
10-Never forget what your goal in life is. Go look at your kids while they are sleeping. Now picture them being the age you are right now. Got that image in your mind? Now, what is important right now today? What will they remember? A screaming tired mom washing windows? or a mom helping make chalk pictures on the porch. Hugs, Barbara
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: My question is . . . how on earth do you get time for yourself? Do you feel totally overwhelmed sometimes? I know I do with just 2, so I'd love to know how you cope with so many running around. :)Oh, and one other question, what are their bedtimes?
Answer:
My computer time is time for myself! So is my bath! LOL! Time for yourself is over-rated. LOL!
Really though, I know what you are asking. My kids are not babies any more- so "me" time is no longer an issue really. I can remember when I had four in diapers- just shaving both legs in the same bath was "me" time. HAHA!
One thing that helps moms of small children is a set bedtime. That will give you some breathing time in the evening. Bedtime is almost set in stone at our place. When my kids were small it was hard to achieve- it took a lot of early training. But it paid off!Bedtimes are staggered here. Until 8 years of age they go to bed at 7. Now I go with them and spend 30 min talking, reading, or just being together. It is the smaller kids mommy time and we treasure it!At 8 you stay up till 8:00, At 9 you get to stay up till 8:30. Once they go to bed they can read for 30 min. If they don't want to read the light is OFF. (Sneaky huh?) At 10-11 you go to bed at 9. Same thing- can read for 30 min or lights out. At 12 bedtime is 9:30 unless we are watching a movie together- then we often fudge it a bit. :)Once they hit teen years they stay up as long as the want basically. BUT, breakfast, chores, and school start at the same time each morning. So if they stay up too late they feel rotten all day- so it is a self limiting thing pretty quickly. :) Mostly they go to bed when hubby and I do, but sometimes they stay up later.Having the little ones in bed on time gives us time for those teens to talk if they need to. Somethings just are not easily said with small ears around. Even just political type talk is better with-out little ones asking silly questions. Having that time with teens lets you be comfortable with each other in a friendly way too. We watch movies we probably would not pick if it was just hubby and I. It is a good thing. We learn a lot. :)
One thing that is also set in stone is our weekly date.We started that when the kids were small- and did it at home.:) Now we have older kids, so actually go out. Keep in mind that your kids will grow up and leave you. You don't want to be left strangers! You need to stay lovers. ;)and not just in the bedroom.As far as daily me time, train your small children to play by you quietly and let you read or sew or type. Kids can be there and you still think! HAHA! Hugs, Barbara
Answer:
My computer time is time for myself! So is my bath! LOL! Time for yourself is over-rated. LOL!
Really though, I know what you are asking. My kids are not babies any more- so "me" time is no longer an issue really. I can remember when I had four in diapers- just shaving both legs in the same bath was "me" time. HAHA!
One thing that helps moms of small children is a set bedtime. That will give you some breathing time in the evening. Bedtime is almost set in stone at our place. When my kids were small it was hard to achieve- it took a lot of early training. But it paid off!Bedtimes are staggered here. Until 8 years of age they go to bed at 7. Now I go with them and spend 30 min talking, reading, or just being together. It is the smaller kids mommy time and we treasure it!At 8 you stay up till 8:00, At 9 you get to stay up till 8:30. Once they go to bed they can read for 30 min. If they don't want to read the light is OFF. (Sneaky huh?) At 10-11 you go to bed at 9. Same thing- can read for 30 min or lights out. At 12 bedtime is 9:30 unless we are watching a movie together- then we often fudge it a bit. :)Once they hit teen years they stay up as long as the want basically. BUT, breakfast, chores, and school start at the same time each morning. So if they stay up too late they feel rotten all day- so it is a self limiting thing pretty quickly. :) Mostly they go to bed when hubby and I do, but sometimes they stay up later.Having the little ones in bed on time gives us time for those teens to talk if they need to. Somethings just are not easily said with small ears around. Even just political type talk is better with-out little ones asking silly questions. Having that time with teens lets you be comfortable with each other in a friendly way too. We watch movies we probably would not pick if it was just hubby and I. It is a good thing. We learn a lot. :)
One thing that is also set in stone is our weekly date.We started that when the kids were small- and did it at home.:) Now we have older kids, so actually go out. Keep in mind that your kids will grow up and leave you. You don't want to be left strangers! You need to stay lovers. ;)and not just in the bedroom.As far as daily me time, train your small children to play by you quietly and let you read or sew or type. Kids can be there and you still think! HAHA! Hugs, Barbara
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 Continued
Question: How long have you and your husband been married?
Answer: We have been married 29 years this last June. :) If you look at my kids ages, it may make you wonder....Our oldest is not my birth child. She was fathered by my husband when he was 17 and given up for adoption. As an adult she found us and became a part of our family again. :)Hugs,Barbara
Question: Hi Barb!!! Hows life? I have a question! How many grandkids do you have?
Answer: Life is grand! I have grandchildren!! Our oldest daughter has one boy- 1 &1/2 years old. Our oldest son has a boy 3, a girl 1 & 1/2, and another boy due in Nov!! I Love being a grandma!! Hugs, Barbara
Answer: We have been married 29 years this last June. :) If you look at my kids ages, it may make you wonder....Our oldest is not my birth child. She was fathered by my husband when he was 17 and given up for adoption. As an adult she found us and became a part of our family again. :)Hugs,Barbara
Question: Hi Barb!!! Hows life? I have a question! How many grandkids do you have?
Answer: Life is grand! I have grandchildren!! Our oldest daughter has one boy- 1 &1/2 years old. Our oldest son has a boy 3, a girl 1 & 1/2, and another boy due in Nov!! I Love being a grandma!! Hugs, Barbara
Friday, October 2, 2009
Ask a mother of 14 continued
Question: One of the things that I've been wanting to ask but have felt it was not an appropriate question to ask - is it financially hard on the family? I have always thought that the man (husband/father) has to be making lots of money to be able to run a big family like that to be able to keep up with the demands of the family. Is health insurance an option? I know not everyone has health insurance these days, but I've just always wondered for those with large families. Smaller families have financial difficulties too.
Answer:Interesting question! I think for us it took a change of mind about money and things. We live on one income. My husband is an RN and works in the ER of a busy hospital. We have good insurance through his job- but we pay a rather high price for it too.
Let me give you a little background on us. When we married my hubby said TWO kids max. :) I am an RN also but quit working many years ago- once we had three children. As our hearts changed about life and children, so did our views on what we needed to live. I stopped working and we bought a smaller house. We got rid of the new cars and began to drive older used cars. We cancelled magazines and premium cable. We bought bulk and generic. Little by little we learned that we could live on one income- if we wanted to.We are careful about what we buy, but do have "normal" things. A cheaper recliner can be as cozy as an expensive one. Netflix movies are as good to watch as movies you buy. Free computer learning sites have as fun games as places you pay for often.
By shaving a little here and a little there we can still be "normal" and have lots of kids!Some things are different. We do not pay our kids way through college. They work summers and save!They work while in college. Is it harder? Yes, but if we were rich- we would do it the same way. Our kids respect themselves. They value their education because it was not given to them- they earned it.
Our house is small. We like each other though, so don't mind being together! Kids don't need a dozen pairs of shoes, and twenty pairs of jeans each. Who really wears 30 shirts? They wear the few they love over and over anyway- so don't buy the others!People are often surprised at how darn normal we are! LOL! Thanks for the question. I hope I answered it. If you want more details let me know. Hugs, Barbara
Answer:Interesting question! I think for us it took a change of mind about money and things. We live on one income. My husband is an RN and works in the ER of a busy hospital. We have good insurance through his job- but we pay a rather high price for it too.
Let me give you a little background on us. When we married my hubby said TWO kids max. :) I am an RN also but quit working many years ago- once we had three children. As our hearts changed about life and children, so did our views on what we needed to live. I stopped working and we bought a smaller house. We got rid of the new cars and began to drive older used cars. We cancelled magazines and premium cable. We bought bulk and generic. Little by little we learned that we could live on one income- if we wanted to.We are careful about what we buy, but do have "normal" things. A cheaper recliner can be as cozy as an expensive one. Netflix movies are as good to watch as movies you buy. Free computer learning sites have as fun games as places you pay for often.
By shaving a little here and a little there we can still be "normal" and have lots of kids!Some things are different. We do not pay our kids way through college. They work summers and save!They work while in college. Is it harder? Yes, but if we were rich- we would do it the same way. Our kids respect themselves. They value their education because it was not given to them- they earned it.
Our house is small. We like each other though, so don't mind being together! Kids don't need a dozen pairs of shoes, and twenty pairs of jeans each. Who really wears 30 shirts? They wear the few they love over and over anyway- so don't buy the others!People are often surprised at how darn normal we are! LOL! Thanks for the question. I hope I answered it. If you want more details let me know. Hugs, Barbara
Thursday, October 1, 2009
What would you like to ask the mother of 14 children?
This is a post I did on THE HOMESCHOOL LOUNGE. I thought I would copy the questions and answers here for you. :) Feel free to ask your own here also!!
Hello! My name is Barbara Smith. I am the author of Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People, and I thought we should do something fun in honor of the 10,000 moms celebration!I have 14 children. They are 30,28,25,22,17,15,13,12,12,10,9,7,6 (and one baby we miscarried after the twins who we are yet to meet :) ). We have homeschooled 18+ years now. The youngest 8 are still homeschooling. The rest have graduated and gone on to take over the world! :)If you have every seen a "mom of many" and thought, "I would love to ask her....", now is your chance! I will be happy to answer any questions- silly or serious -you might have! So let's have some fun! Hugs, Barbara
Question:Is normal for a 6 year old boy who does not like to write? Have you notice boys are very different then girls?
Answer:I think 6 year old boys not liking to write IS the normal! Few boys that age are happy doing sit down work for very long. I agree boys are different than girls overall. But, I also do not expect much writing from a child that age- girl or boy!I have a few ways that seem to make writing more fun though. Let them write on an erasable white board or chalk board. Or on colored paper. Or with a colored pencil. Or on a notebook that has the top of the page blank- let them draw a picture on top and then write only a half of a page about the picture.School for a 6 year old should be fun! Be creative in what you want them to do!Thank you for the question! Hugs, Barbara
Hello! My name is Barbara Smith. I am the author of Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People, and I thought we should do something fun in honor of the 10,000 moms celebration!I have 14 children. They are 30,28,25,22,17,15,13,12,12,10,9,7,6 (and one baby we miscarried after the twins who we are yet to meet :) ). We have homeschooled 18+ years now. The youngest 8 are still homeschooling. The rest have graduated and gone on to take over the world! :)If you have every seen a "mom of many" and thought, "I would love to ask her....", now is your chance! I will be happy to answer any questions- silly or serious -you might have! So let's have some fun! Hugs, Barbara
Question:Is normal for a 6 year old boy who does not like to write? Have you notice boys are very different then girls?
Answer:I think 6 year old boys not liking to write IS the normal! Few boys that age are happy doing sit down work for very long. I agree boys are different than girls overall. But, I also do not expect much writing from a child that age- girl or boy!I have a few ways that seem to make writing more fun though. Let them write on an erasable white board or chalk board. Or on colored paper. Or with a colored pencil. Or on a notebook that has the top of the page blank- let them draw a picture on top and then write only a half of a page about the picture.School for a 6 year old should be fun! Be creative in what you want them to do!Thank you for the question! Hugs, Barbara
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