Ask a mother of 14

Question: Barbara, thank you so much for starting this thread and for your insight! You seem to have a very "laid back" personality yet you're so on top of things!I've read that Michelle Duggar said the most challenging time for her was having five aged five and under and I can totally agree with that. I see that there was a bit of space between your older ones and the others, but did you ever feel similarly? (Is that a word???)How much domestic support did your husband give you when your children were younger and did you ever have any family help you like take the children for a couple of hours so you could be in the house alone. I feel so guilty, but I would just like to be in my home alone for a couple of hours. People, even DH laughs about that (and really isn't in the position to help me with this due to his work), but I am so serious. Someone else can have my two week vacation in Hawaii that I'll win for entering the so and so such and such contest, I just want a literal couple of hours here.

Answer: I am not sure what to answer! LOL!

When my twins were born I had the twins, then a child 14 months older than them, then a child 18 months older than that child, and one 2 years older than him! Then also a 9, 12, & 15 year olds. I walked in my sleep it seemed the first three months. LOL!

Really though, having the first three was probably harder- because it was all new to me. You learn a lot and get very relaxed after the first three! LOL!My husband was not much help until the last two. Hard for me to admit, and harder still for hubby to admit. I was pretty much on my own in the baby dept. AT NIGHT. He would help when he was home- which let's face it, was not that much since he worked long hours, and provided well for us. And he would take a baby and walk the floor so I could sleep a few hours in the evening- when we had the twins. But once it was bed time, he went to bed- period. End of story. If I needed a nap, I had to arrange for the older ones to help watch little ones during the day. Even if they were ill. He got a full nights sleep. He was a loving husband and father in every other area, but that was his blind spot.

Truth is I got tired, and it was hard at times not to resent that fact. But I really love my husband and I loved having babies. I believed that God gave me both this husband and these kids- so there had to be a way. And I found one. I trained my kids to all nap at once- so I could too. I taught older kids to help. And I learned to just let go of the negative emotion. I believed that I could function on the sleep I got- and I did. I figured God knew what I had to have. :) I accepted my life as it was and I loved, and loved, and loved. I let joy have its work. ;)

Now I know some will think I was a nut. And maybe I still am. But, I figured God loved me- even before I was saved- and after even when I mess up. So the fact my husband did not help at night- which he should have- was the same to me. I decided to love right past it. And you know what? When Kortney was born, something changed. it was nothing I did or said. My husbands heart changed. God had his work. All of a sudden I had a husband who let me keep the baby in bed. Who got up in the night and changed wet messy diapers. Who sat and read to me while I nursed the baby. It was the same with Lavender. He became the most tender man you could ever ask for. And so he still is today.

Was it worth bearing the burden alone all those years? I look into the eyes of all my children and say yes. I am so very thankful for each of my children. I look at the fine man I am now married to, and say yes.Well, that got off subject didn't it? Anyway, trust me- the kids will grow up on you, faster than you think. The house will be yours alone one day. So, I understand JUST what you mean. :) Enjoy the season you are in, you never know what is right around the corner! Hugs, Barbara