Homeschooling with joy!

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

Question: How do you handle silliness at the dinner table and in the car. I want my kids to have fun but when they start saying thinks like poopie, underwear... etc. What do I do? I have scolded and given time outs. He is almost 4 years old. I have heard of people putting hot sauce on their tongue for offences of the mouth.What are your thoughts and ways? It seems inevitable that kids get silly with their words. Where do you draw the line?

Answer: I have never liked the thought of using hot sauce. I personally can't stand hot sauce- makes my mouth burn for hours. I don't want my punishments to hurt for hours.

I mostly don't expose my kids to people who says things like that- so they never learned it. That's my first line of defense.

A small child will hear things though- they are not in a bubble after all- So I will tell them that those are not words mommy likes. That gets rid of a lot. They want to please mommy and those words hurt mommies feelings.

A four year old can usually be stopped by telling them to stop. Then get them talking about something they like! If not, I personally would spank them. Spanking is not punishment in my house- it is a training tool. This behavior causes this sting on the backside. Everything else stops. Mom is not happy. It is not a joke. Again it is MOM'S attitude that is important. I spank with a plastic spoon- it has the koolaid smile on it. LOL! I spank through clothing. It is NOT the pain ( never leaves a mark). It is the situation. Mom is serious. You are bent over the couch and POP. One good swat makes the joke gone. You are now listening. You are turned around to face mom who is kneeling down to your height. "Now, honey, in our house we don't say that.I expect you to stop. Understand? Ok, give me a hug. I love you and want you to growup to be a person people like to be around- because you are so special!"

Mom's need to NEVER look or act harrassed. Nothing a kid does is to be taken PERSONALLY. instead remove the personal insult and think of it as your job to train them into PEOPLE that other people can stand! HAHA!If you THINK they can not be stopped- they can't. But if you KNOW children can be trained, then your job is easy. A DOG can be trained to do anything. Come on mom- dogs are dumb. I love dogs- have three myself- but they are not smart like a child! A child can LEARN how to act. They only need boundries. Set those and keep them. Hugs, Barbara

PS-Where to draw the line. Draw it where YOU are happy. You never should cringe in your own house/car. ;)

Question/ comment: I just want to say, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" I know you are just speaking about what you have learned and that the Lord wants to share the same things with all moms. Yet, I want to tell you that you sharing from you life, what you've learned has so encouraged me tonight. I have been able to look at my own relationship with my children and seen where I am doing things wrong. Also, I can see where God has been pointing me to do things better than I am doing and you have been used by Him this evening. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will be looking into getting your book. Thank you for giving me this gift.

Answer: Thank you! It is so nice to hear that my words helped someone! When you put things out there on a computer- you never know how they are coming across!I hope you get and enjoy the book. I often get letters and emails from people who are just stunned by my story. They figure anyone with this many kids must live a fairy tale life. It is refreshing just to hear another mom say- yep, I have been where you are and really understand. And I really do because I am a REAL person, not a character in a made up book. :) Hugs, Barbara

I just wanted to thank each of you ladies for the questions and comments! This was great fun for me. I hope I did not miss any of the questions- I tried to answer each one! If I did miss one please remind me!! And of course you can still ask questions here!May you each be blessed as you go about your day today! Give yourself a great big hug from me! And hug those kids! They will grow-up faster than you can imagine. Trust me, I know. Hugs, Barbara

Ask the mother of 14 continued

2009-10-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Question: I am just weeks from delivering our third child. The others are almost 4 and just turned 2. I don't have much help from others. To be honest I feel alittle bitter at the church because very few even ask if I could use help or a break. My father died 15 years ago and my mom has Alzheimer's, my father in law died 5 years ago and my mother in law is 82. We just don't have family around to help.Did you have help from family or church when you were starting out.... the first 4 or 5 kids?Another bit I would love from you is ..... a couple of recipe favorites.Oh.. what church do you go to?

Answer: I never had help either. My mom would come for the delivery ( I had c-sections remember) but would always leave before I was even out of the hospital. She did not live in the same state and worked then. My husband would take only the days off while I was in the hospital. I was on my own. We did have church friends, but since we live an hour away from where we went to church- no help there.( a non-denominational church) A few times the ladies would bring out a meal or two.

I learned to freeze meals before. So all we had to do was take it out in the morning to thaw. Then pop it in the oven to bake. I would freeze rolls ahead, and do the same thing. We might add a canned or frozen veggie some meals. That got me through the first few months. It was still home-made food and you can't tell the difference.

I know it is hard to not have help. It was hard for me too. But there was nothing I could do about it. Getting upset only made it worse for ME. So I just decided to make a way to get things done myself- and I did. It paid off. I love having all these kids! May you find a place of peace in your heart about your situation. And CONGRATULATIONS on expecting a new baby soon!! I am green with envy! Hugs, Barbara

Question: ok, its me again, forgive me if this was already asked. how do you keep your house clean???? I assume everyone has chores, but that in itself its work to supervise!

Answer: Yes, everyone has chores. They are on a chart. Each person knows what to do- and they do it. We do a quick pick up each evening too. The only thing I have to say is, "Time to do your chores children" and they go. If you do a LOT of training while they are small then you have to do little else once they are big. ;)They KNOW mama means what she says- so mama don't have to say much! LOL!

I hear a lot from mom's about kids not listening. Ladies- grow a spine! A marine sargent can take a huge group of 18 and 19 year olds and whip them into shape in a week! In a day they are "yes Sir" "No Sir", making beds, peeling potatoes, scubbing floors, doing anything asked of them. Are they beaten into submission? no. A drill instructor does not "ask" them to do things. He "tells" them and EXPECTS they will obey.

Most mom's figure they won't obey and so they get kids that don't.You don't have to yell like your in the Marines- you are a lady AND have God's authority. But you DO have to mean what you say! A kid knows the difference. They also know how far they can go before they hit your "This is final" order.Make the FIRST time the final order! Saves time and energy!! Hugs, Barbara

PS-One more thing on the house. Have things done right away. Dishes need washed after each meal. Don't let anything like that build up! Do laundry daily. It takes much less brain time to keep it done, than to have to do a huge mountain all in one day! And the house looks better all week!

Question: I do, I do!!! Did you ever try to select the sex of any of your babies? Meaning did you do anything to select for better odds of having a boy or girl by doing anything and DID it work? Thanks in advance!

Answer: We never did anything. We just took what God gave us! LOL! Mine are (remeber I did not give birth to the first):G,G,B,B,B,B,B,B,G,G,B,G,G ( and one we miscarried too small to tell- get to find out once we get to heaven!)I have heard there are things you can do to make girls or boys, but don't know what they are. HAHA! I DO know the twins were conceived at the same time ;) and they are one Boy, one Girl. Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Question: hi barbara,i have 8 children and i am really struggling with getting a schedule put in place. what is your advice?blessings

Answer: With 8 kids you need order. Does not have to be rigid but you do need a schedule. If you don't have things laid out in writing, you will spend all your time with every dodging work!

Sit down WITH the kids. make a list of all the daily chores that must be done.

Here is ours for an example:
Dishes- breakfast( lunch,dinner are scheduled also to different children).
Sweep and pick up livingroom
Sweep and pick up kitchen
Sweep, mop pink bathroom
Sweep, mop blue bathroom
Coats and shoes area picked-up
Hall swept and cat litter cleaned
Each of my children that are home all day, does one of these for a week at a time. (Except my 6 year old. She is not alone on the schedule yet- she is another childs "helper" each day)

They do it every morning after breakfast. The schedule rotates, so eventually everyone one does each job- then the schedule begins over again.

You have small children that won't be alone either. REALLY small kids are just to get dressed! LOL!But figure out what each child CAN do. At 7 my kids can clean any room in the house alone. :) Not DEEP clean like an adult, but enough that company can drop over and we wouldn't faint. Make yourself a schedule that is do-able.

You can put yourself on there if you want to, since you have fewer older kids. I am not on ours. I DEEP clean ONE room a day. I just rotate through them one by one, then begin again. That way the fact that I have little kids that miss things never shows up. :) I am the one who cleans toilets and tubs, washes out the dish drainer, cleans light fixtures, things like that

.I tend to be the one to start laundry as I putter around. All my kids can though, and if I am busy when the bell rings on the dryer I ask who-ever is in sight. ;) It goes into baskets all day. After school and before supper we fold. Each kid does a basket. Then it HAS to be put away before we eat- since we fold on the table. :)Making a schedule saves time. No fighting over who did- or did not do what. No having to remember who did the job last either. Anything not done is trace-able! Pare the work down so it is do-able on a schedule.

With 8 kids to take care of and school, you have to decide what is important. other things might be good, but not in THIS season of your life.

One more thing. Use that 15 year old as a helper, but don't make her carry too heavy a burden. It is easy to do. I have seen big families do that- and that older daughter tends to get a lot of head-aches. She is not mom. She IS old enough to carry her weight and a bit more. So let her do a bit more, but spoil her with a girls day out once in awhile too! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

Question: I love this thread also. I have 5 small kids ages 9 to 4. How do you handle the stress when several kids are having a bad day at the same time. Such as when, in my case, the oldest is whining because he has too much school work and he'll never get it done. The 6 year old is running around the house and jumping off the couch when he should be doing his school work. One 5 year old is screaming because life isn't fair (and her meds aren't working well). One 5 year old is in the pantry eating marshmallows (She climbed on a bucket which she pulled to the door so that she could unlock the pantry). The 4 year old won't put the puppy down and change her clothes which she has pottied in for the 3rd time that day. Obviously, this is just one of my examples, but how do you handle the stress and get everyone back on track?

Answer: Your answer lies in your first line:"I have 5 small kids" That is TRUE.

Do you allow yourself to function in that truth?

I often see moms with these huge, high expectations of what their life should be like. We watched to much "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Brady Bunch" growing up!! The mom was perfect. The kids -even when in trouble- were perfect. The house was perfect (Kids lived there?? there was no sign of them!)Well, Beavers mom had her kids in school all day. They were not there long enough to mess things up! And the Bradys were not only in school- but had a full time, live-in maid!!

Have we even had a bad day? Duh.

I think it is the moon. It pulls the tides and maybe our brains?? LOL!

My advice? First get your house in order. A cluttered house adds to the recipe for disaster.

Second, find a way to do school that is not so labor intensive for you. Keep school short and sweet. You will actually get more real learning in.

Third, when THOSE days happen- go with it. Have the 5 year old dump the marshmallows in a big pot for you. Having the climbing 6 year old climp up and get a box of cereal. Have the other 5 year old get a spoon. Tell the 4 year old to change so he can help cook- AND WASH HIS HANDS! Have the 9 year old measure out butter and cereal (math for the day) Then make rice crispy treats together.Take them to a blanket spread on the livingroom floor. Take turns reading with the 9 year old outloud while everyone eats treats and listens. Make your voices funny as you read to keep them entertained. Then get out paper and colors. Have everyone draw a picture of you making treats today to give to daddy when he come in. Then everyone go into the kitchen and make a game of making a special supper for dad. The 9 year old can stir. The others can fetch supplies and dump things in. Let them set the table fancy. Go find pretty flowers (weeds? leaves?) to put on the table. Count (math) out plates, forks, glasses. Put on music while you are working! (art appreciation) Then go outside while supper is in the oven. Make welcome home daddy pictures with chalk on the driveway or porch (writing AND art)

Learn to look at life with fun in mind. School is really a fake thing. It is the name we gave to learning how to LIVE. Real learning can take on many forms. ;) Be sure to tell dad what a great school day you had! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

Question: What great advice you give. I really enjoyed this thread. It makes me feel like I could go and have a bunch more kids and be just fine. If only the hubby would agree to it... I also love your humor! Thanks:)

Answer: Keep in mind MY husband said TWO kids.... LOL! Our 14 kids love to remind him of that!!!! Hugs, Barbara

Question: I'm having a hard time managing my almost 3 yo dd while my boys, 2nd & 5th grade are doing their lessons. Any advice?

Answer: Delete
A 3 year old needs a lot of attention. I know it can be hard to juggle so many things. It helps if you can cement in your mind that the 3 year old is just being NORMAL. When your oldest was 3, they needed the same amount of attention, you just did not have anyone else taking up YOUR attention.

That said, it helps to involve little ones as much as you can. When the older ones are working, have "school" things for the 3 year old. Things he ONLY gets during "school" time. Like a puzzle, playdough, blocks, water painting books, certain coloring books, even a video- things like that. If he ONLY gets them when the other two are working on school, they will keep him more entertained than if they are things he gets to play with all the time.

Also, a 3 year old should be napping daily. I always did math with my older ones during nap time- since that is usually the most one on one subject.And for heaven sake- teach your kids to do school work alone! Once they can read well, let them see what they can do with-out you. I am a resource for my kids. They come to me when they are stuck! Encourage them to work alone. That frees you to play with your 3 year old! (workboxes are great for helping them gain this independance) Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

Question: Hi Barbara ! I think your book will be a great read and hope to order it soon! It has been soooo nice to hear your words of wisdom and to be able to hear how "real" you are!I have 5 children. I have been homeschooling for 4 years now, and I am STILL struggling to do it right! Of course I know that what is right for one family may not be right for another...but I still haven't found the right curriculum...and been able to stay consistent with it. I really believe in homeschooling, but have been struggling this week..thinking I want to call it quits.FIRST, thanks so much for this post. It has reminded me, ONCE AGAIN, of what's really important, Loving my kids. I know that I can do this...that God has given me these children for a reason. He will help me!SECOND, how did you, or do you, school your kids?? I am trying to teach my 5, but it's not getting done to my satisfaction. Also, do you go by the public schools year? or do you teach all year long? Off and on??Thanks so much for your help! God bless! and Hugs back to you!!!

Answer: Thank you for asking about this! I think you summed up what a LOT of mom's feel! We are all "struggling to get it right". We are convinced the "right" curriculum will make everything smooth- if we could just find that magic curriculum!

Well, I HAVE FOUND IT! Wanna know which one it is????

Well, there is a rule. You can't tell anyone once you know. Each mom must go on her own quest. You have to find a high mountain. You must crawl up it on your hands and knees. There is a dragon up there. You must either give it the perfect gift, or kill it. Then....Naw, just kidding.

The truth is that any curriculum is the perfect one- if you like using it. :) The perfect one will be different for each mom and each child. Really. Stop your magic quest. Instead think about what you like to do. How does your child learn best- things other than "school"? Then match yourself with those kind of things. I had friends who ooohh'ed and aaaah'ed over a certain kind of math books. So our first year we bought those. After a few weeks, each time it was math time- I began to hope a bus would crash into the house and put me out of my misery. ( Ok, it was not QUITE that bad). But guess what? Now we like math. (well, reasonably well!) Why? because I pitched those books and tried something different!

Sharing exactly what I do in my house might muck you up. It might not fit your kids or you. If you want to risk it ask again. :)But I do want to tell you this! Join the WORKBOX group here on THL! No matter what curriculum you use- or don't use (that is a hint about my school) it will help you. I host that group now. :) I have homeschooled over 18 years now, and always loved homeschooling....and using workboxes has made this our best year ever!!I do school all my kids. I have graduated several. I have 8 more to go! We school all year. We do a short schedule in the summer. We love school around here! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

Question/ comment: Tiany said:
This post is such a HUGE gift!! This very post ... "our seasoned moms sharing all that they have learned" is exactly what THL is all about! Thank you so much Barbara!!!Ladies the wisdom Barbara has to share is endless. :-)She did not ask me to share this but I want everyone to be aware and take advantage of this generous offer...She has offered her book to all the moms on THL at a reduced rate of $15 (this includes shipping)Thank you Barbara!!!

Answer: Delete
Thank you Tiany for sharing about the book!

I so enjoy sharing with mom's, but I think each mom has to find her own deep well of joy, if she wants to be a successful homeschooling mom. We can not give what we do not have- so each mom needs to have a solid foundation of joy in her own life.Many mom's have a heart full of love, a pocketfull of school ideas, and a real lack of happiness. We search for the perfect books or ideas that will make our homeschools a place of peace and joy. We try our best, and feel like we are failing.

It really has nothing to do with books or grades. It really is our heart condition- we are not connected in a real tangible way to our Creator. We are trying to get through the days on our own. We are left feeling empty and sad.

And sadly, many mom's look to that big yellow bus to solve the problem.No problem is ever solved by shipping it off though.

The truth is it is not our kids or books. It is us. We have been taught about salvation and we believe. Yet the power we should have is not there. Why?Because we only got the beginning of the journey! No one ever took the time to show us the rest of the path! The Bible seems hard to understand- because we have always been told it is hard! The Bible seems like a rule book, instead of the love letter it really is!

In my book I walk you verse by verse into a new world of joy! Into a joy that can not be shaken! I show you joy where you least expect it! You will never read the Bible the same way again! Bible study will never seem dry or difficult again! Joy will pop out of the pages and into your heart!I truly wish I had a ton of money- so I could give the book to each mom I meet! I hope this $15 special will help get the books into the hands of more women who need to hear my message of joy! If you can ladies, please buy a copy- read it- and then pass it on!We all carry so much baggage and guilt around with us. It keeps us stuck in the past. God wants us moving forward in joy! Loved, forgiven, and happy! I hope in my small way I can help you find your way. Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

Question: Barbara ~I cannot thank you enough for sharing your brain with the rest of us!This thread is a JOY to read!As an only child until the age of 12 I can't even BEGIN to imagine growing up with that many siblings. It is a blessing to all of them (whether they currently realize it or not).I noticed you had a fairly large (5 year) age gap between your 4th and 5th children. How did you help your at the time youngest deal with having a new baby in the family?

Answer: New babies were always a thrill at our house! I always told the kids I needed lots of helpers and that the new baby was so lucky to have them as big brothers and sisters! I let them hold the baby- with help. I praised, praised, praised anyone who would talk to and play with baby so mommy could get a few things done! Praise and hugs, praise and hugs!

Let them cuddle up while you nurse and read with you. Let them show baby their art ( baby loves the noise! of siblings). Tell baby how lucky they are to have----to teach them things!! Make baby fun- not another things to get fussed at about. Don't worry about noise. I have had babies sleep through band saws and drills, laughing and running, movies and kids! And be sure to tell the older ones about when THEY were babies. Your eyes were....., your mouth....., you smiled when.... Makes being no longer the baby a fun thing too!

The biggest mistake people make is thinking the older ones will naturally resent a baby. Kids LOVE babies. Even emo looking teens in a store will come smile at a baby!! It is the grown-ups who ruin it. "be quiet, move back, don't touch, I "know you don't like baby, But"- what a STUPID thing to say to a kid!!!One thing I did when I had a small child right above- you know, not really big enough to be trusted. :)- I let them rub the babies feet with lotion! Over and over- tons of the stuff. My babies never had dry feet! LOL! And if the 2 year old wants to kiss baby on the head- and then baby is now coverd in peanutbutter....smile and thank God for your blessings. Babies wash!! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Question: Hi Barbara. I love reading your posts. You have so much wisdom. I only have four kids, , but people act like I have 14...sometimes it feels like I have 14! hahaha You have been such a blessing and I really appreciate getting the chance to peek into your family life. You've already answered most of my questions, but I do have a question.What do you do with the lazy child? My ds6 wishes he were an only child (and tells me that regularly). I can't spend enough time with him...he always wants more. He is perfectly happy to let his older brother do ALL the work. We've tried rotating chores to keep it interesting, but even when he volunteers for something, the only thing he wants to do is watch tv or be outside. It is a daily struggle to get him to do anything. He would rather stand there and cry for 20 minutes about how he hates doing something that would take him less than 5 minutes. I expect it a little in his schoolwork, b/c this is only our second year doing school with him, but it is like this with everything. He is our most rebellious, too. He never wants to do what everyone else is doing...unless it is everyone outside of our family. He causes the most strife in our home, and it can really sour my mood quickly.Thanks again for taking the time to share your wisdom.

Answer: I'm not sure I have time to do this question justice! The truth is that in my experience no 6 year old boy wants to "do his share" of the work. :) 6 is still really young. A 6 year old wants and NEEDS to play a lot.

I talk a lot about training small children to work, but I mean WITH mom. I have never put a 6 year old alone on a job on our chore chart. I double them up. Now I have the gift of older children- but I EARNED that by having a houseful of small ones once! HAHA! People often forget that. My big kids were small once!

Ladies, At 6 everything needs to be a game. They are too young to act like an adult. "Go clean your room" is an order that is going to get everyone crying. Him because that is like being told to go to the coal mines, and you because it won't get done.

Instead get that room organized first. Make it easy to clean. Get rid of 682 small toys that get dumped while looking for the one truck he loves. Get rid of the shirts you thought were cute- and he refuses to wear and throws on the floor while looking for the green shirt he wears every other day! LOL!

Then break things down and make it fun mama. Let the kids be kids AND be helpers. Grab a small laundry basket, the 2 year old, and the 6 year old. Go in the room. Now, smile mom. This is FUN! " Let's see who can pick up the most clothes the fastest!" or "Ok, John you get the green clothes! Sara get the red clothes! I'll get the yellow ones! GO!"Scramble and laugh! Bump into each other! Fall in a heap laughing!

Now let them drag it to the laundry room. Ok John put the clothes in the washer! I'll pour the soap! Sara push the button! WOW! you two are mommies big helpers! I can't wait to tell daddy you did the laundry today! let's go make lemon-aid!!!

A mom's job is to train the children to work, but that is the small part. Your more important job is to train them to be happy. All of life is work. We can smile and play the work away, or we can drag through it. Those who drag will never lead anyone to Jesus. If your a Christian and look like you are sucking lemons- who wants what you have? So we need to make having happy kids top of our list!

Go watch Mary Poppins! In every job is fun- if you will find it. How do the kids see YOU doing your job? Do you walk into the room and go "AHHHHHH, this place is a mess. I don't know why you are such a slob. You are lazy and messy. Clean this place up!" Or do you say,"Wow, we must of had fun in here! look at this place! Let's see who can pick up a basket full first! When we are done we can play scrabble!"Hugs, Barbara

Question/ comment:This thread is amazing and such a blessing! Thank you Barbara! I have to come back again and read the rest I missed before asking a question. I love asking mothers like you questions, to learn from your wisdom and see how it applies to our family.Blessings to you

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

Question: How would you handle the following situation:A 7 year old boy has suddenly stopped eating his vegetables. I breast fed him for almost two years, and have never given him just "kid food." Vegetable have always been very present in our home, and he has always eaten them without any complaints. Now, suddenly he is balking at eating his vegetables. I think there are some sensory issues and he lives to swim upstream, no matter what the rest of us are doing. Part of me says it will pass and to not make an issue of it. Another part of me wants to serve the same plate of food over and over (however, that raises food safety issues). When a child shows a reasonable dislike for a food, I don't serve it to him (Why should I? I don't serve food to my husband he dislikes, and I don't force myself to eat what I dislike.).Any pearls of wisdom on this one? Thanks!

Answer: Ashley- This is one of those questions where there is no one right answer. I don't know what makes your son tick, but you do. So I will tell you two ways I have handled the same thing with my own kids. Each was different because the children and what I thought was REALLY going on were different. :)

1- child is just being a stinker for no obvious reason. I have learned to pick my battles. Some battles are not worth having. If it seemed to just be vegetable thing, a being 7 thing, a for-some-reason-I-lost-my-mind kind of thing I would wait it out for awhile. That child would get no larger serving of anything else, and no snacks other than raw veggies. :) If they get double what they do like, you could lose the battle. But if they are just eating less by skipping the veggies.....let it go for awhile. If they don't get a fight ( which MIGHT be what they are aiming for) then it will probably correct itself.

2-Child is seeing who is boss. Then I would up the stakes a bit. (Don't fight with them- never fight unless you can WIN.) Instead make sure they get no extra serving size of what they ARE eating. Put the veggies on the plate. Tell them you want them to eat them. Once. Don't mention it again. If they don't eat them. Don't say a word. (This is the hard part) Throw them out when you do dishes.... Then serve dessert. (Esp effective is dessert is rare in your house) This needs to be something good that they like, but did not know you had. ;) Don't give them any. "Sorry, you weren't hungry enough to eat your vegetables, so I know you don't need this treat". End of story. No debate. No anything. Expect tears. Brace yourself mom.The next night have dessert out in the open before dinner. Serve veggies with no discussion. Most kids will give up and eat them. (Unless you caved in last night) If not, enjoy dessert with-out them. If you do not let their pouting, crying, saying they hate this family, bother you in the least- it will end after a few times of this- never to be spoken of. ;)I do allow my kids one food each they hate. LOL! It does not get to change meal to meal though. HAHA! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Question: Thanks Barbara for giving us a look into your life.Do you have a TV? If so, do you ever all sit down together to watch it together?We are only 6 and seldom watch a show together it seems like there is always something better to do with our time.

Answer: We do have a TV. We have a few shows we really love and watch each week in the evening. We do not have it on during the day unless it is History or Science. Hugs, Barbara

Question: Wow! I just read your "bio" of sorts, your chapter, and you've been through SOO much! I bet you look back and am just amazed! God has done some pretty cool things through the adventures you surely didn't sign up for! I just had to add again... THANK YOU for sharing your story and opening yourself up to help us!I think sometimes we don't even realize some of the things we go through in life are to bless others!He died very recently, but there was a young father at our church and he gave his testimony and pointed at a large scar and dent on his forehead from all his brain surgeries... he said that scar gives him a way to share his testimony of God's blessings in his life and that we should all let our scars show because they are gifts to point others to Jesus... thank you for showing me your scars.

Answer: hank you for this comment . That is why I wrote the book.

I think we in the church have been the worst of all really, about hiding our failures and faults. It leaves people who are struggling feeling alone and afraid- they think they are the only ones. I think instead of living in these plastic boxes, we need to share , so others can have hope!

The book is my life story, but it is so much more. I go through the whole New Testament and show you all the JOY verses that are there! Verses we don't hear on Sunday morning. Or verses we overlook or mis-read! God wants us to be happy and full of joy NOW! Not just in heaven, but right here- right now. And I can prove it!

If you read the book you will see how each of those verses lifted me when I was in the dark. How God brought me to a place of joy right where I was. That joy is available to everyone, but we don't teach that. We teach sin and salvation (which of course is where we must start), but then we kick people out the door into the world! They are saying "Now what do I do? How do I LIVE this Christian life? Finding Jesus is not the END of the trip! It is only the beginning!I felt God was asking me to be honest. Be real. And to lead women to joy! So that is what I tried to do with the book. ;) Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14

2009-10-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

Question: Barbara, thank you so much for starting this thread and for your insight! You seem to have a very "laid back" personality yet you're so on top of things!I've read that Michelle Duggar said the most challenging time for her was having five aged five and under and I can totally agree with that. I see that there was a bit of space between your older ones and the others, but did you ever feel similarly? (Is that a word???)How much domestic support did your husband give you when your children were younger and did you ever have any family help you like take the children for a couple of hours so you could be in the house alone. I feel so guilty, but I would just like to be in my home alone for a couple of hours. People, even DH laughs about that (and really isn't in the position to help me with this due to his work), but I am so serious. Someone else can have my two week vacation in Hawaii that I'll win for entering the so and so such and such contest, I just want a literal couple of hours here.

Answer: I am not sure what to answer! LOL!

When my twins were born I had the twins, then a child 14 months older than them, then a child 18 months older than that child, and one 2 years older than him! Then also a 9, 12, & 15 year olds. I walked in my sleep it seemed the first three months. LOL!

Really though, having the first three was probably harder- because it was all new to me. You learn a lot and get very relaxed after the first three! LOL!My husband was not much help until the last two. Hard for me to admit, and harder still for hubby to admit. I was pretty much on my own in the baby dept. AT NIGHT. He would help when he was home- which let's face it, was not that much since he worked long hours, and provided well for us. And he would take a baby and walk the floor so I could sleep a few hours in the evening- when we had the twins. But once it was bed time, he went to bed- period. End of story. If I needed a nap, I had to arrange for the older ones to help watch little ones during the day. Even if they were ill. He got a full nights sleep. He was a loving husband and father in every other area, but that was his blind spot.

Truth is I got tired, and it was hard at times not to resent that fact. But I really love my husband and I loved having babies. I believed that God gave me both this husband and these kids- so there had to be a way. And I found one. I trained my kids to all nap at once- so I could too. I taught older kids to help. And I learned to just let go of the negative emotion. I believed that I could function on the sleep I got- and I did. I figured God knew what I had to have. :) I accepted my life as it was and I loved, and loved, and loved. I let joy have its work. ;)

Now I know some will think I was a nut. And maybe I still am. But, I figured God loved me- even before I was saved- and after even when I mess up. So the fact my husband did not help at night- which he should have- was the same to me. I decided to love right past it. And you know what? When Kortney was born, something changed. it was nothing I did or said. My husbands heart changed. God had his work. All of a sudden I had a husband who let me keep the baby in bed. Who got up in the night and changed wet messy diapers. Who sat and read to me while I nursed the baby. It was the same with Lavender. He became the most tender man you could ever ask for. And so he still is today.

Was it worth bearing the burden alone all those years? I look into the eyes of all my children and say yes. I am so very thankful for each of my children. I look at the fine man I am now married to, and say yes.Well, that got off subject didn't it? Anyway, trust me- the kids will grow up on you, faster than you think. The house will be yours alone one day. So, I understand JUST what you mean. :) Enjoy the season you are in, you never know what is right around the corner! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

Question: Wow Barbara, you have such an amazing view on life. Thanks for this thread. I may have missed it, but I don't think my silly question was asked - how do you get around town (what type of vehicle) and do you ever get to go on family holiday? We travel so much for our children's sport - I don't know how you do it with so many personalities and interests.

Answer: We recently DOWN SIZED to a 12 passanger van! LOL! I had driven a 15 passanger for many, many years. :) With only 9 kids still home, and one of those in college, we felt it was time to go ahead and down size. Our van was getting old and cranky. :)We do take vacations. We have the bonus of my mom living at the beach in NC AND a daughter who owns a fishing lodge in MN. :) So we only pay for gas and food- and well, we would be eating food no matter what-right?!! I figure by the time all the kids are grown we will have free lodging all over the place! HAHA!We buy a season ticket to the zoo and go several times a year.My now 17 year old, who is in college, has worked for a water park the last two summers and earns enough bonus tickets for us to get to go free each summer to that also!We do not do sports. Well, we play tennis as a family. :) Hugs, Barbara

Mother of 14 continued

2009-10-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

Question: That is beautiful Barbara! I cannot wait to continue reading the rest of this thread!I was thinking today about family planning matters and our family. I had our fifth child in January and we said we would stop there, but there was something about me saying that and taking measures to prevent another persons life...that just felt like it wasn't my choice. I know the Lord opens and closes the womb and have been searching for His answers. I was thinking for the first time that I don't believe He ever mentions that we are to want for more or less than He gives us in anything...so why children? It dawned on me that so many things serve as idols to us and even good things can be idols. Such as wanting more children to a point that the thought consumes us. On the flip side of that, not wanting the ones he may give b/c we want a certain lifestyle could also be idolizing. There must be a reason He gives us fertility for a certain number of years. Maybe whatever happens in those years should be up to Him and we should just leave our cares about patience, money, and the opinions of others to Him. I know the more children I've had the closer I've come to know Him. I need Him more now. I need His strength, I need His wisdom, I cannot do it alone, and I wouldn't want to!Do you have any specific scripture that made you feel it was the Lord who needed to decide the size of your family?

Answer: I can only speak for us. I would not presume to tell anyone else how to walk out scripture. God has a plan for each of our lives. At different times different scriptures will have new meaning for a person. Something you may have read many times, all of a sudden is for YOU. Do you know what I mean? Psalm 127 and 128 is part of the answer for us.Children are our heritage and are God's blessing. What other blessings do we limit?As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children...Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them...Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine...For us, those scriptures were to be walked out- literally. And we have been blessed indeed. Others get another call on their lives. Maybe the call to be missionaries when they read of going into all the world. Maybe to be preachers as they read scripture. Maybe to adopt. This was our call.Hugs, Barbara

Mother of 14 continued

2009-10-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

Question: Hi, Barbara, I'm mom to 6 children. 11-5 year old. My question is we don't have the children taking music lessons, dance, or sports. We are busy enough just getting school done and keeping the house decent.I do take them to AWANA on Wed., church on Sunday and we take a walk to the park. We don't really have groups or co-ops.We don't isolate our children but it does seem like we are the only ones that stay home. LOL.My question is do you stay home a lot or are your dc in play groups, sports etc. ?When the children are older I would like them to do some community service; helping older people with their lawns, helping in homeless shelters and such.Will dc be okay with out doing any co-ops and such? Strange question I know :) Anyway, just wondering what your thoughts are on this. I know there is probably no set answer ;)

Answer: We are only involved in church, and a homeschool group that meets twice a month. This is the first year we have been involved in a homeschool group. I was too busy keeping my own boat afloat before this year. :)

My now 22 year old took piano lessons when he was 15- 17. He paid for them himself.My kids go with me everywhere though. When I shop- they are there following along like ducks. They are quite social creatures and will talk to anyone. :) They help neighbors with haying and seasonal things when they are teens- Mow lawns, paint fences, things like that.

I personally think mom's wear themselves out running here and there. I always figured being a "Keeper at home" meant I had to be there. LOL! I have enough kids that they have lots of playmates. if I had an only child I might be more involved in other things- but not something all the time. Running, running, running makes for tired, cranky kids and moms.Three of my four homeschooled graduates went on to college. They settled in fine and were not "unsocialized". Made A's and friends. :) Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

Question: This thread is so fun :) Yes I have always wanted to sit with a mom with a big family and just talk to her.Here are my questions:how did you space your children?This one might be a bit more touchy but...Are your teenagers godly people? Yet at the same time do they have there own personality? what I mean is when I have seen large families they are either sooo perfect and all dressed the same (and usually all look alike lol ) or once they hit the older teenage years they end up rebelling against their parents faith and God because of no discipline in the home.thank you for answering my question.

Answer: Spacing my kids. I always wanted a bunch of kids. I was the little girl who watched the Waltons and dreamed....Well, my husband said TWO kids MAX. So we had #1. Then planned and had #2 three years later. That was the "worlds" perfect spacing I had been told. So baby days were done. Right? When we took down the crib I said we should see about selling it. Hubby said WE ARE NOT SELLING THAT CRIB. Huh??? Oooo,kkkk.....A few days later he asked if I would be willing to have one more. 9 months and 30 min later baby #3 was born. HAHA!Then we had a space of almost 5 years.

The details are in my book Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People. I have chapter 1 in my nook notes if you want to read that FREE. You might have to go back a few pages in my nook notes but it is there. It is also posted FREE on my website:www.polkadotstarflowers.com

Then we had #4. After that we just decided that the Bible tells us children are a blessing and that we were going to accept all the blessings God had planned for us. That is just how we saw it. Not every couple will feel that way, but we do. :) After that the babies came like stair- steps. My youngest is 6, so I guess we are done. But I treasure those days.

The second question is best answered by reading my book- at least the first chapter. It is a long and sometimes painful path we trod for a few years. I will say that the kids who NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL have been very different than those who did in their early years. The first two had huge problems that I feel were caused by my giving them over to the world. Both are back in the fold so to speak. :)All the others have been a constant joy to me. God taught me a lot. I learned the hard way. But I also learned that where-ever we are in lifes path, we can change paths. If we are lost and in the dark, all we have to do it turn around. We don't even have to back-track. Because when we turn God will be right there, ready to take our hand and lead us back into the light. Hugs, Barbara

PS-Not to sound like an ad but for the 10,000 mom's celebration I am selling my book for $15 total- that includes the shipping and handling. That is a $5 savings this month. :)

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

Question: With so many children, do you have any that are "problem" children? By that I mean, just have a hard time learning to listen and obey, or mouth off often, etc. If so, how do you handle them? My older two are great, but my 3rd (who is 5) is hard to handle and I'm out of ideas. He mouths off so much and disobeys so much that I wonder if there isn't something going on, like some kind of disorder or something. Do you have any kids that gave you more of a hard time?

Answer: My children have always been perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Back to reality now. :)

I have all these kids. EACH one is different. They have different personalities and different birth orders.The ages keep changing! Every year! LOL! Some are more forceful in their personalities. I personally prefer the kid that is naughty right out in the open. It is the quiet sneaky ones that give you real trouble! LOL! Open naughty you can see and deal with quickly!

WARNING!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE remember I am speaking from MY experience ladies. So don't be offended if that I say misses the mark for your life. Ok? Ok!

I also think naughty children are naughty to get mom's attention. As we have more children we have to be sure we are not raising a crowd. We are still raising each child. Each one needs the same love and attention as if they were the first. They need to feel SPECIAL. Now, of course our amount of time is not going to double with each child. There are only so many hours in a day. So what is a mom to do?First accept your life. I mean that. The times I struggled, I have found I was wishing for something different than what I had. I learned to just be happy with the season I am in. I also learned to trust that even when I felt like "I'm not smart enough to do this!" That I was!

God would not give us these kids if we could not do a good job! He knows how many hours are in a day. he knows what work must get done. There is a way to do everything that NEEDS done. Your job is to find that way. The answer is inside you. God put it there. Search it out.

Ok, I am getting off track. So. IS something wrong with that child? No way! There is NO DISORDER. Accept that and half your problem is solved. Then accept this- that child has the personality God knew he would need AS AN ADULT. Later in his life, that special, active , stubborn child is going to have a life call that will need that! YOUR job is to train him to control it! So stay on top of things. Make housework easier. make meals easier, so you have TIME to help that child learn to control himself. Make rules and stick to them. But, also find ways to allow that personality to grow. Your job is not to change it, but to mold it. Kids with that bent need to be held accountable. Spanking is often not terribly effective. (and I do believe in spanking- even THOSE kids LOL!) But WORK usually has a better effect. Work WITH mom is even better. So if my trouble kid was having a hard time- it was time to clean out that awful tool closet- together. Or mow the yard, rake leaves, plant flowers... Something unpleasant, and physical, but also a time to talk. These kids actually thrive when kept busy with mom- talking. Their minds are just stuffed full of things they are not old enough to do. Talking helps clear the brain cells. :) So buddy up with that child a lot. Have them be the kid you "can count on" to work on special things with you. All that energy is YOURS TO USE. This is the kid that needs a garden, or a fish tank to clean, or a deck to help build, or a Wii fit to work out energy! Get close with them, because someday they might just rule the world! You want to be on their side! LOL! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

Question/ comment: Barbara, I love this advice! A lot of the things I already do, but I like the last one especially. Sometimes I have to remember that the kids will really remember the time you spend with them doing simple things, rather than the time you spend scrubbing floors or watching t.v.

Question: Barbara, Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I am a mom of a large family like you. My question is what are you best tips for making a great dinner for your family while homeschooling. I am teaching five of my eight children this year and dinner is my biggest challenge.Do you have any favorite recipes to share as well.

Answer: I agree that dinner is the hardest part of the day. You are tired of thinking by then! The kids are hungry, the house needs put back in order, hubby is going to walk in the door and want your attention! So what is a mom to do?

Start supper right after breakfast. I really think that is my #1 best advice. Get in that freezer, or pantry and plan what you are having. Cooking is not really the hard part- it is THINKING that late in the day. :)I like to use my crockpot or roaster quite a bit. Start beans, or soup, or a roast ( if you eat meat), or baked potatoes after breakfast. Add seasonings and stir a few times during the day and supper makes itself.

Or if I am doing something like lasagna I put it together in the morning. It does not hurt it to sit there all day. Then pop it in the oven an hour before you want to eat. Your hands are free then!Learn to double up- thereby cutting your work in half. So, if you are making something like lasagna- make two. One to eat, one to freeze. It only takes minutes more to make two, once everything is out anyway. Then freeze it and next week- take it out first thing in the morning. It will be thawed out and ready to bake by an hour before supper. Easy meal! If you did that for every meal you made over two weeks- then the next two weeks you would never have to prepare a meal- just bake it. :)

Or if you make a big pot of beans one day to eat as soup, make twice as much as you need. Drain the liquid off the leftover beans, add taco seasoning. Roll those beans and some shredded cheese inside flour tortillas. Cover with enchilada sauce. Now you have the next days meal made. Put it in the frig till you are ready to pop it in the oven for an hour. two meals- completely different with only one prep time!

Walk through the frozen food section. Any meal THEY can freeze- YOU can freeze! It will be cheaper and taste better if you make it yourself though! Look at your own recipes and think of what you would need to do to make them ahead. If you only double each recipe, you are making TIME for other things. TIME is you most valuable resource! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

Question/ comment: Barbara, I am loving your advice! I sometimes am envious of moms like you, who have it "all together" - but slowly I am changing my perspective of myself, rather than trying to live up to other's percieved expectations. You help make that a reality to me :) I have a sort of embarrassing question for you. As for potty training, I always am apprehensive to ask others what has worked for them. Did you do it the same way for all of them, or let the child choose when he is ready, and let them lead?Thank you!

Answer:I do indeed have it all together...unfortunately I forgot where I put it! HAHA!

If you saw my computer table you would change your mind about me having it all together! LOL!

As far as potty training. I was relaxed (think lazy?) in that area. I could never see the use in making it a fight. Diapers did not bother me much. I waited until I could tell they were getting the idea. Then I bought cute undies. That trained some of them right there. Others were slow to catch on to use the potty EVERY time. So I put up a paper on the wall. Each time they actually went in the potty, they got a sticker! I had two that I was sure knew how to control it- used the potty when they wanted to, but used their undies if they were busy playing. I tried cute underwear, stickers, praise, etc. Still dragged on. So I began using ICE COLD water to was the mess off. "You're just to big- warm water won't work now". A few times of that and they were done. :) it was no longer warm fun mom time. LOL! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Question: How do you stay so young looking?? I seriously thought you were in your 30's!Thanks so much for your honesty. I'm always in awe of big families. I have one VERY BUSY boy and I feel like he's more than I can handle some days. I really can't even imagine 13 more!

Answer: Oh, thank you!! I think kids keep you young! Hugs, Barbara

Question: I can't believe that they did 10 csec on you! my question was if you were going to have more, but I think no because of the csec~!

Answer: The c-sections had nothing to do with it. :) I had a great doc that accepted our feelings about children. :) We decided to leave the planning of our family up to God years ago. The flip side of allowing as many kids as God gives, is to also accept when he no longer gives them. :) This is our longest span by far- so I am pretty sure we are done. Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 Continued

2009-10-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

Question/comment: Oh my - Barbara - you are healing my spirit with every word.I usually am strong enough to enjoy the life as it is but with the new baby on its way, my spirit is a little bit low.Thank you for all your advices, for the wisdom you want to share with us - I think we all appreciate it very much.

Answer:You are so welcome dear. :) and you bring up a good point...being pregnant changes things!I carried 12 children to full term. I had difficult pregnancies with all of them, and had 10 c-sections. Bet you didn't guess that! LOL!

You need to learn to love the stage you are in. When you are carrying a child, and trying to homeschool, and run a house, and be a wife, and......... well you get the picture! Guess what? It can be tiring! But, If I can do it so can you! I am not Wonder Woman- though I would like to wear the cape and boots some days. HAHA! I just learned to relax and enjoy where I am in life. My baby days are but a memory, but they are good memories!

I always got very sick early in the pregnancy. So I learned to start making and freezing meals the second I missed a period! I could manage to stuff one of those meals in the oven each evening, add a salad out of a bag and a roll and poof-supper! Even with my head in the toilet, supper got hot! Do I still do that? No, not often- because I don't need to now.

During those years I only bought one type of white tube sock for all the kids. They were knee high on some, calf length on others- depended on the length of the childs leg! LOL! But it saved me matching socks when I was too sick or too round to reach the basket!

Give yourself a break moms! Accept help with-out guilt! Do what needs done and let the rest wait for another season. Allow yourself the joy of enjoying being pregnant, with-out the fake expectations of perfection. This time will be past you all too soon. Enjoy the miracle you are a part of. Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

Question/ comment: Barbara; I adore this thread! It is so awesome to read and see how you make it work! It gives me so much inspiration!!

Answer: :)Thanks! For everyone:Another thing I have learned is that every home is different. Dad's desires are different. Mom's are different. Each child brings in a new personality. Do not compare yourself with another wife or mom. She does not have the same people in her family as you do in yours. So your way of doing things needs to suit YOUR family. There is no "right" way.

The home needs to be clean enough to be healthy and stress free. Clutter is a big enemy, because it brings with it stress. But THINGS may not be. Each family has things they enjoy. It is what is right for them. We love books. I have bookshelves in every room. If you think books are a clutter- you would find those shelves a pet peeve. My family is not into sports, so your sport equipment would bug me- but it is perfect for a family who plays sports several times a week.So take stock of YOUR family. What makes you tick? Those are the things to keep. Throw out the rest and get that house under control. Less house work makes more TIME! If no school gets done for a week, but you clean out your house- it is time well spent! Sell your extras, or give them to Goodwill.

Then train those kids to help. The time you spend training will come back to you someday. Don't wait until they are old enough to do a job to start either- because by then they think the housework is YOUR job. They will resent being dumped on. If they have always worked WITH YOU, then it is only natural that they will work without you when they are old enough to do a job alone. You hold baby's hand to walk when they are first learning- but a 10 year old does not hold your hand to walk anymore. Same thing.

And please, please, please let your home and kids show your personality to the world. Cookie cutter mom's are not very appealing! God made you, with your gifts, because he knew what kids you would get! He knew what they would need in a mom- and YOU ARE IT. Be confident in your abilities! Makes no difference if you have one or a dozen, birthed or adopted.YOU are the right lady for the job! Hugs, Barbara

2009-10-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

Question: Hi Barbara!I love reading whatever you write about, you have been such a blessing to me! Thanks for the question invitation!My kids are 8,6,4, almost 2, and one on the way.My question is- when your oldest was young and you had a bunch of littles- was your house clean on a regular basis? If so- how did you do it? If not, how did you cope with it!? :)Also, do you have a schedule, or a routine?Thanks!, and *hugs* back to you :)

Answer:Delete
What a great question! I like to tell people that in life you can have two out of three- kids, a perfect house, and happiness. You get to pick which two!!My house STILL does not look like house beautiful. It is clean though. :) When you have a lot of kids and are homeschooling you just have more mess. Don't think of it as something wrong. Schools have janitors-they get messy too!

I have learned several things:
1-Relax a bit. Life is not all about perfect homes. A home is a tool, not a showplace!
2-Get rid of everything that causes work and stress that is not useful! You can have 800 knicknacks when you are old! Now is not the time to have to dust every other day! Less is more. Why have 30 nail polishes- you wear the same one over and over- right?!! If you got rid of half your things in a yard sale- you would have enough money for a date with hubby and a cleaner home! LOL!
3-Let kids clean with you. A messy folded washcloth by a 3 year old, will one day be a 10 year old that can do the laundry alone!
4-Have a clean up time before daddy gets home. Really, school is messy at times. Let it be messy! But clean it up before daddy gets home, so the evening is stress free. No one can relax with a half finished volcano on the livingroom floor!
5-have a chore chart. At first it will be just yours. Plan to deep clean just one room a day. keep the others picked up, but really deep clean that room. next day do another room. Rotate through them one by one. So on one room ever gets out of control!
6-Never leave dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing will bring your spirit down more than that. Put the baby in the highchair, put a stool up close so the toddlers can help and wash those dishes. Think of it as a pre-bath for them!
7-Start the first load of laundry before breakfast. it will be done running by the time you have eaten and done dishes- now you can start load # 2 and it is early!
8-plan supper right after breakfast! that way in the afternoon when you are getting tired- you are not stuck with no plan, no supper, tired kids, a hungry husband, and the feeling you are not cut out for this! Use a crockpot. Make and freeze meals. Plan simple meals. But plan ahead!
9-Ask hubby what things are most important to him. Sometimes we kill ourselves over things that husband does not even notice, and forget to do the things that would make life smoother. if having laundry done is #1 and a garden is #862 on his list- then you working in the garden while laundry piles up is going to cause stress. Make sure to get the important things done- the others can wait till all those little ones are teens!
10-Never forget what your goal in life is. Go look at your kids while they are sleeping. Now picture them being the age you are right now. Got that image in your mind? Now, what is important right now today? What will they remember? A screaming tired mom washing windows? or a mom helping make chalk pictures on the porch. Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

Question: My question is . . . how on earth do you get time for yourself? Do you feel totally overwhelmed sometimes? I know I do with just 2, so I'd love to know how you cope with so many running around. :)Oh, and one other question, what are their bedtimes?

Answer:
My computer time is time for myself! So is my bath! LOL! Time for yourself is over-rated. LOL!

Really though, I know what you are asking. My kids are not babies any more- so "me" time is no longer an issue really. I can remember when I had four in diapers- just shaving both legs in the same bath was "me" time. HAHA!

One thing that helps moms of small children is a set bedtime. That will give you some breathing time in the evening. Bedtime is almost set in stone at our place. When my kids were small it was hard to achieve- it took a lot of early training. But it paid off!Bedtimes are staggered here. Until 8 years of age they go to bed at 7. Now I go with them and spend 30 min talking, reading, or just being together. It is the smaller kids mommy time and we treasure it!At 8 you stay up till 8:00, At 9 you get to stay up till 8:30. Once they go to bed they can read for 30 min. If they don't want to read the light is OFF. (Sneaky huh?) At 10-11 you go to bed at 9. Same thing- can read for 30 min or lights out. At 12 bedtime is 9:30 unless we are watching a movie together- then we often fudge it a bit. :)Once they hit teen years they stay up as long as the want basically. BUT, breakfast, chores, and school start at the same time each morning. So if they stay up too late they feel rotten all day- so it is a self limiting thing pretty quickly. :) Mostly they go to bed when hubby and I do, but sometimes they stay up later.Having the little ones in bed on time gives us time for those teens to talk if they need to. Somethings just are not easily said with small ears around. Even just political type talk is better with-out little ones asking silly questions. Having that time with teens lets you be comfortable with each other in a friendly way too. We watch movies we probably would not pick if it was just hubby and I. It is a good thing. We learn a lot. :)

One thing that is also set in stone is our weekly date.We started that when the kids were small- and did it at home.:) Now we have older kids, so actually go out. Keep in mind that your kids will grow up and leave you. You don't want to be left strangers! You need to stay lovers. ;)and not just in the bedroom.As far as daily me time, train your small children to play by you quietly and let you read or sew or type. Kids can be there and you still think! HAHA! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 Continued

2009-10-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

Question: How long have you and your husband been married?

Answer: We have been married 29 years this last June. :) If you look at my kids ages, it may make you wonder....Our oldest is not my birth child. She was fathered by my husband when he was 17 and given up for adoption. As an adult she found us and became a part of our family again. :)Hugs,Barbara

Question: Hi Barb!!! Hows life? I have a question! How many grandkids do you have?

Answer: Life is grand! I have grandchildren!! Our oldest daughter has one boy- 1 &1/2 years old. Our oldest son has a boy 3, a girl 1 & 1/2, and another boy due in Nov!! I Love being a grandma!! Hugs, Barbara

Ask a mother of 14 continued

2009-10-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

Question: One of the things that I've been wanting to ask but have felt it was not an appropriate question to ask - is it financially hard on the family? I have always thought that the man (husband/father) has to be making lots of money to be able to run a big family like that to be able to keep up with the demands of the family. Is health insurance an option? I know not everyone has health insurance these days, but I've just always wondered for those with large families. Smaller families have financial difficulties too.

Answer:Interesting question! I think for us it took a change of mind about money and things. We live on one income. My husband is an RN and works in the ER of a busy hospital. We have good insurance through his job- but we pay a rather high price for it too.

Let me give you a little background on us. When we married my hubby said TWO kids max. :) I am an RN also but quit working many years ago- once we had three children. As our hearts changed about life and children, so did our views on what we needed to live. I stopped working and we bought a smaller house. We got rid of the new cars and began to drive older used cars. We cancelled magazines and premium cable. We bought bulk and generic. Little by little we learned that we could live on one income- if we wanted to.We are careful about what we buy, but do have "normal" things. A cheaper recliner can be as cozy as an expensive one. Netflix movies are as good to watch as movies you buy. Free computer learning sites have as fun games as places you pay for often.

By shaving a little here and a little there we can still be "normal" and have lots of kids!Some things are different. We do not pay our kids way through college. They work summers and save!They work while in college. Is it harder? Yes, but if we were rich- we would do it the same way. Our kids respect themselves. They value their education because it was not given to them- they earned it.

Our house is small. We like each other though, so don't mind being together! Kids don't need a dozen pairs of shoes, and twenty pairs of jeans each. Who really wears 30 shirts? They wear the few they love over and over anyway- so don't buy the others!People are often surprised at how darn normal we are! LOL! Thanks for the question. I hope I answered it. If you want more details let me know. Hugs, Barbara

What would you like to ask the mother of 14 children?

2009-10-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

This is a post I did on THE HOMESCHOOL LOUNGE. I thought I would copy the questions and answers here for you. :) Feel free to ask your own here also!!

Hello! My name is Barbara Smith. I am the author of Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People, and I thought we should do something fun in honor of the 10,000 moms celebration!I have 14 children. They are 30,28,25,22,17,15,13,12,12,10,9,7,6 (and one baby we miscarried after the twins who we are yet to meet :) ). We have homeschooled 18+ years now. The youngest 8 are still homeschooling. The rest have graduated and gone on to take over the world! :)If you have every seen a "mom of many" and thought, "I would love to ask her....", now is your chance! I will be happy to answer any questions- silly or serious -you might have! So let's have some fun! Hugs, Barbara

Question:Is normal for a 6 year old boy who does not like to write? Have you notice boys are very different then girls?

Answer:I think 6 year old boys not liking to write IS the normal! Few boys that age are happy doing sit down work for very long. I agree boys are different than girls overall. But, I also do not expect much writing from a child that age- girl or boy!I have a few ways that seem to make writing more fun though. Let them write on an erasable white board or chalk board. Or on colored paper. Or with a colored pencil. Or on a notebook that has the top of the page blank- let them draw a picture on top and then write only a half of a page about the picture.School for a 6 year old should be fun! Be creative in what you want them to do!Thank you for the question! Hugs, Barbara

Video games and more!

2009-09-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

I was speaking to my son about this post over the weekend. He said he is sure playing games has helped his hand-eye coordination, which of course has helped him in his welding. :)

Another thing. We were watching a show on TV about military weapons. The commander said they have designed the control of their "remote control" weapons after the Xbox control. He said that the new guys joining can pick that control up and use it with almost no training- because thay are all gamers in that age range! Said the older men take weeks of training to be able to use it. The control can direct several different things in different locations at once. We were stunned.So if your kids have military in mind......

In fact another lady wrote me and said playing F16 helped her husband! He now flies REAL F16's! She said playing the game made it very easy for him to learn the real thing!! Hugs, Barbara

ONLY for mom's who let their kids play computer games...:)

2009-09-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

So, YOU are one OF THOSE Mom's?? Me too. LOL! Just had to pass this on.

My 17 year old son started college this fall. He is going to the tech community college and taking welding. He has made all A's on every assignment, quiz, and test so far. He did not have to take the required math classes because his entrance exams were so high. :) But this is the best part....

He is a big "gamer" and "wasted" a lot of time on that and also on paint making stupid pictures. He always did his school work first. :)

Well,.......that has been a big help for him in college. LOL! They have to design blueprints and he is the best in the class. Why? Because they use the same kind of program as paint, and because he designed his own armour in those crazy games! He is used to "making" what is in his mind come out on a computer! He can also type fast from playing online.

So make 'em do their school work mom, but don't stress over the fact they love to play computer games. Halo anyone?? LOL! Hugs, Barbara

Workboxes in a nutshell

2009-09-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hello! please feel free to come join our workbox group On The Homeschool Lounge! You can come over and read and ask questions- even if you do not actually use the workboxes. :)

The workbox method is really a method of getting the work done. You can use any curriculum with it. Each subject goes into its own "box" or drawer. Everything the child needs to do that box goes in with it. Your children work from box to box until they are all empty. This way they do not have to ask/be told what to do next all day. They know to complete the box and move to the next one.

Some boxes will be "work with mom" and some will be things they can do alone. Some boxes will have fun activities- all those art things you never seem to get to!! You will save time and they will love it!That is it in a nutshell. Please feel free to ask questions! Hugs, Barbara

Bedtimes!

2009-09-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

We have staggered bedtimes. The youngest two who are 6 & 7 go to bed at 7:15 to7:30. I go with them and lie about 15-20 min with them just talking. That is our "little girl" time. :)

At 8 years old you get to stay up in the livingroom till 8:30- then you can read till 9 in your room. If you are not reading it is lights out at 8:30.(Sneaky way to get kids to read more huh??)

At 9-11 years old you get to stay up till 9 in the livingroom. Then up till 9:30 in your room reading.

At 12-13 they get to stay up till 10 in the livingroom most nights. The exception is if the kids 14 and up have a special movie to watch that is too adult for the 12-13 set. That happens maybe once or twice a month. The older kids are pretty good about not wanting to do it too much- so the younger ones give way. They know their day is coming! HAHA!

At 14 they usually go to their rooms at 10-11 unless we are watching a longer movie. I let my older teens stay up in their rooms basically as long as they want then. We have a STRICT wake-up /chore time. So they know if they stay up too late they are going to be miserable in the morning. It has not been a problem in my house. They are good at self-limiting.

Hubby and I often go to bed at 9:30 or 10. Hubby gets up EARLY for work. Our lights are usually out by 11:00. If he is not working the next day we will stay up and watch a movie with the older teens. Once in awhile they will beg me to stay up later and watch something- daddy goes on to bed. But not often. I like my hubby time too much.

One other thing we do. We have "dates" with our teens. The older two boys will take me to a movie. We have a 30 min drive so a lot of talking can go on. They love to take me to movies that make me jump! If one of them needs to do some private talking they can ask for "just you and me this time" and no one questions it. Sometimes my teens ask to take me "for a drive'' when they need a private talk. I have learned to listen WAY more than talk. Hugs, Barbara

Filling boxes for teens!

2009-09-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

Here are a few ideas to get the list started!Digital Photography - pick a still object and take pictures of it from different angles – like from the ground looking up at it, from up above the object, upside down, off center, etc

Drawing -complete with drawing book, pencils, art sketch book, etc- Can do the same as above, having them draw an object from different angles.

Give them different objects and instructions to build something. For example, see how tall you can build a structure with only straws and tape. Or using only paper cups and cardboard, build a platform that will support ## number of books, or how many books will it support? Can you build something that will let you stand on balloons so that they won't pop?

K'nexMotorized k'nexDrawPaintSculpt

Sew/cross stitch
Write storyLego motorized
Map games on pc
PuzzleBoard game
Collect object from nature. Make centerpiece, art or draw
Build fireObstacle course, bike, scooter, skate board, rope and pulley…
Make a family meal
Make a dessert
Brain teaser books: 30 second mysteries, gift child activities, etc..Backyard ballistics, sneaky things.
Plan and prepare.Approved science experiments from books or kits
Garden or yard work
Work on rockets
Train dogs
Wood carving
Build solar oven.
Bake cookies or little cakes
Secret codes. Make or break
Read 1001 things a teen should know
Make a claymation movie
Look at something with a magnifying glass or microscope
Build a sand sculpture
Make a life-sized maze
Design a home
Listen to classical music
Look at family photos- update photo albums
Bury treasure. Make map for brother to follow
Write a short story about your own life.
Bike your age in miles.

Hugs, Barbara

Filling boxes for 8-12 year olds

2009-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Here are a few ideas!

Crosswood puzzles
word search puzzles
Minutes on the Wii
Minutes on computer games

Another great thing to do is let them take apart broken things. It is amazing the things they will find inside old broken mixers, radios, computers, etc. My boys love to do this. :)

puzzles- we have done large ones that we then hang on their walls. That is a cheap and creative way to re-do a bedroom. There are amazing puzzles with beautiful art on them. Hugs, Barbara

Filling those workboxes!

2009-09-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

I was asked about filling the workboxes:

A lot of ladies fill the boxes the night before. I am doing it first thing in the morning- or sometime in the afternoon once they are finished for the day. You put new things in each box each day. For example:
Box 1- for us this is their math book. I just keep the book in the drawer.
Box 2- This is our reading. Since the book I use is too big to go in the box I have their chart in it. Each time they do a lesson we put a sticker over the number of the lesson.
Box 3-Is our writing. I pull one page of penmanship type writing and place it in there.
Box 4- Is a coloring page. We are coloring that Lady and the Tramp coloring book together. So they get one page of that there.
Boxes 5 & 6 vary for the little girls. Might have an art project- One day we made these cute ginger bread people signs!!!!!!!!! Might be playdough or a puzzle or a game.

For the middle kids they are really doing the same thing in the first five boxes each day.
Box 1 is math
Box 2 is History
Box 3 is geography
Box 4 is reading
Box 5 is writing
Box 6 changes every day with art or games.

Right now box 3 is geography but once they are finished with the book they are using it will become science. :) The books they are using just stay in the drawer. We pull out one or two pages a day. Then once finished they go into a folder that is also kept in the drawer.

The older ones have the same things in each drawer each day. Their books are not disposible. So they read the assignment, then write in a spiral notebook kept in that drawer. For the things they do on the computer- they just have a spiral notebook to write each lesson # down and the grade they received. it is all on the computer, but this saves me havng to transcribe those grades later. They do have an art drawer and can do anything they chose for that. They can draw or do projects as they wish- as long as they do SOMETHING every day. We are really loving this system! hugs, Barbara

Getting through the blahs.

2009-09-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

September 12th, 2009
This was in response to a homeschooling mom who was feeling like laying on the couch with her head covered all day. She felt blue and blah about teaching.

(((Hugs))). I have been a SAHM and Homeschooling mom for a long time now. I speak to a lot of ladies who are homeschooling mom’s, so if you don’t mind I will you what I have learned.
Being a SAHM and a homeschooling mom is the best job in the world! Each of us loves doing it and seeing our kids grow and learn! We would not give it up for the world! BUT…….
That is not ALL you are. I know it is popular to teach that everything must come before mom. That our needs are to be last on the list and we are to live a selfless life, pouring all into our kids. While I think teaching and raising my kids is one of the best things on earth- it can not be #1.
To reap a harvest in a field, you don’t just run out and start picking crops. Crops have to be planted first! To plant crops you need seed, you need soil that has been tilled and built up with nutrients.
Mothering is a lot like farming. If you don’t take care of mom, you have nothing to give. Does that mean to be selfish and look out for yourself as #1, a queen bee? No. Not at all. But you do need to be filling yourself with good things, so you have good things to give the kids!
You need to be finding joy. When you are feeling sad and blue, having a deep Bible study thrust at you can be another slap in the face. So I am not going to do that, but I am going to suggest this. Get yourself a Bible concordance and each day just look up one entry under the word JOY. You will be amazed how many Joy verses there are in the Bible! I wrote a whole book about just that! Mark them in pink, so you can find them the next time you feel down!
Next, mom what have YOU learned lately? We are made to learn! If you are teaching, teaching, teaching, and not learning yourself- you will begin to feel empty. You need to be flexing your own brain! Learn to sew, paint, decorate cakes, knit, anything you like- but something fun that you have wanted to do! Read books that stretch your thinking! You can learn almost anything at home!
Also, be sure you get dressed ( not in sloppy, stained clothes) and brush your hair every morning. A mom in PJ’s and a robe is going to want to lay down and hide. This is your JOB. Dress for it- right down to putting on your shoes! Wear sneakers you can stand/walk/play all day in. If you wear make-up, put it on. Just because you are staying home does not mean how you look is not important! Give yourself and your kids the respect you would give strangers!
At the end of each day, write down your successes in a notebook! When my kids were small I kept a book called “My over and above ” book. It was a running list of ANYTHING I got done that day. Really. I had 4 in diapers at one point. Two were nursing twins. If laundry got all done- i wrote it down! If we read books outloud for fun I wrote it down! Anything “over and above just staying alive” LOL! It helped.
Blessings to you, Barbara

Chin up! you can do this! part 3

2009-09-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

September 10th, 2009
One more thing to give you confidence. When I was in K …I COULD NOT learn my ABC’s. ALL the other kids could say them. My teacher kept me in at recess to try to help. She pinned a note to my shirt telling my mom to work with me. I could recite poems and the pledge…I COULD READ, but could not name those darn letters in order. Things that are random are hard for me. I need things to make sense. Those names in that ABC order had no REASON to be in that order. It is random. To this day I have a HARD time learning a phone # because it is a random pattern.
I have written a book, but was a kid who could not learn her ABC’s. I turned out all right. To this day my mom says it was just silly the trouble I had. SHE remembers because my older brothers learned it so quickly and it made all the teachers and her friends think I was stupid! Now she knows I was the smartest kid she had. LOL!! Hugs, Barbara

Chin up! You can do this! Part 2

2009-09-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

September 8th, 2009
Homeschooling is not something you “Do right”. It is parenting. How you do it will be different from anyone else. Your style and your childrens styles will make your school unique. You decide what you want her to learn ( you have 13 years to teach these things remember) and her talents, abilities, and personality will decide how those things are learned. You are mommy. Mommy has the love and ability to make the learning wonderful! No teacher could do it as well- no matter how smart, prepared, or dedicated they are, because YOU are mom. You care more than anyone, you love more than anyone, you will do what-ever it takes to teach her. Believe in yourself. Inside you is all she needs to be able to learn. Trust in yourself and those “I told you so” voices can just shut up! When she got her first fever- did you “give her away” to a hospital to raise? No, you cared for her and kept trying things until the fever was gone and she was happy again. This is the same thing. So school is not what you thought it was going to be. Are you going to “give her away” to a school to raise? Of course not. You are going to try different things until she is happy learning!
Ok, now to the brass tacks. A 5 year old needs to be playing. They learn by playing. Forget strict sit down lessons. Play instead. Decide what you want to teach and play! Take counting: Let’s count the washclothes as we fold! One, two, three, four… How many colors do we have? One , two, three, four…. How many fingers do we have altogether. Count mine and sissy’s too!
These years will go so fast honey. Make them fun. Enjoy your kids. Being the mom of small children is mostly a memory to me. It went too darn fast. Enjoy it. I am SOOOOOOO glad I did. We laughed and played the days away.We strung memories on strings like pearls. My adult kids love how they were raised now, and plan to do the same with their kids. You can do this. I have faith in you. Make it a loving time. Hugs, Barbara

Chin up! You can do this! Part 1

2009-09-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

September 8th, 2009
This was a reply to a woman who has feeling really discouraged. She was a new homeschooler and just felt like she was already failing:
Hello. My name is Barbara and I thought about you all night. LOL! I read this post yesterday, but had a few things going on and did not have time to post. I sure wish you lived down the road from me. I would invite you over for a glass of tea and a chat! As it is, the written word will have to do.
I have 14 children. The oldest is 30, the youngest just turned 6 last week. 9 still live at home, one of those is in college. I have homeschooled a LONG time. HAHA! Let me tell you a secret, promise not to share it?? ( Just kidding ) The secret to being a really great mom and homeschooler is………..
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Relax and enjoy the ride.
I’m not kidding honeybun. You have homeschooled THREE WEEKS and feel like a failure. You question your ability to do this. I looked at your profile. You have three small kids- the oldest is 5. Think back with me for a minute. When that first child was born. Did you look at her sweet little face and think, “I don’t know how to be a mom! I might mess her up!”. The first night she cried all night and you were so tired you thought you might drop, did you again think, “I can’t do this. I don’t know what I am doing!”
The first time she got a fever and threw up all night, did you think, “I am not fit to do this” ?Yet here you are. She is 5 and you have gotten here safe and sound!
Homeschooling is like that. Of course you don’t know what you are doing- you haven’t done it yet. That does not mean you are unfit to do it, or are doing it wrong. You will learn as you go along. You learned enough with that first baby to risk having two more!! LOL!
This is getting long- let me post it and finish in the next box- so I don’t lose what I have so far!(My computer hates me LOL)

How to get a 10 year old boy to settle down Part 2

2009-09-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

September 2nd, 2009
After that last post the mom asked a few more questions. Below is my response:
As an out-sider looking in may I make another suggestion? I have 14 kids. I am no expert, and sure made my fair share of mistakes when my now grown kids were little, but I have a few ideas.
Your son is the oldest- with a pretty good gap between him and the next one down in age. Know what I learned with my own kids? It is hard to compete with cute and little. Really hard. Hard for any age, but a 10 year old boy is really in a bad spot. He is no longer cute and huggable, but he is not old enough to gain any real respect either. I can assure you he feels dull and awkward. A kndergartener needs a lot of help. They have cute boldly colored books. They giggle and play. Then there is the toddler who is cuter still and truly needs attention.
So your son is bored with being 10. No real rewards at 10- can’t exactly drive. No longer the baby. No longer cute. Not interesting in the least. Being boring makes you BORED, and a bit angry. Being angry makes you rude and silly. Maybe being funny will get mom’s attention? Maybe being slow will get her in here with me? Even yelling at me is something. More than that though. If she is mad and yelling and off kilter….I HAVE POWER. More power than any other 10 year old. More power than the cute babies. More power than mom even I AM SOMEONE.
So what to do? I have found punishment is really counter productive. I am a spanker for small children- to teach and train. But once they are that big- forget it. All you do is add bricks to the wall that they are building. Instead- mom- become fun. Start moving from mom the order giver, to mom the friend. No equal buddy buddy friend, but friend.
Make time. Play video games ( my eyes are rolling- I am BAD at this, but it gives the kids a good laugh). Make sure the younger ones go to bed earlier than he does. You need to watch movies, tv, read, play games, take a walk, what-ever with just this son. He needs time that he is not competing with the younger two. If bedtime is not staggered- change it. it will make a world of difference. Then make dates with this boy. He needs to have a bond of not just love, but friendship with you. Going to play miniture golf, a movie, to get a coke- anything. He needs that special ” Mom loves me in a way she does not love you” feeling. Not more than the others, but special.
No one wants to fight and be rude to a loving friend. He will obey better if he has a happy base of attatchment to you. The love you poured into him as a baby/toddler is not enough. It has to change and grow as he does. One day the strings of obedience will be cut completely, and it is the strings of love that will keep him calling you when he is grown.
He is a boy wanting to be a man, but too childish still to make that hurdle. Help him over. make being a grown-up even more fun than being a kid. Find ways to stoke the fire of adulthood. Not in forcing chores, but rewarding each step he takes toward it. Ask his help when you can. A boy that fixes things for mom is proud! Not chores- everyone can do that- and he should be doing his fair share. But extra things. My boys can fix a broken door knob- I don’t have a clue how to do it. They can get that mower to run. They lift and carry. They love being men-in-the -making! Stop leading so much mom! You are raising a man! Stop and realize how grand that is mom!! And make strong memories with him. Blessings of joy to you! Hugs, Barbara

How to get a 10 year old boy to settle down

2009-09-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

September 1st, 2009
This is in response to a question about homeschooling with a 10 year old boy who goofs around a lot. The mom was at the end of her rope. She also had 5 and 3 year old girls at home:
If I may make a suggestion. Stop thinking of sending him to school as an option. If you do that you will never put in the thought and effort it will take to make homeschooling work. Honey, if he is having trouble at home with just two other kids…how will he do in a roomfull??? I AM NOT fussing at you. I have graduated four already- so have just walked that part of the path already! You can do this AND make it a wonderful time!
I have 7 boys. Boys ARE different to homeschool. A 10 year old needs a lot of time to move. Trust me. So break up the work with LOTS of movement time. Have him do math first. The maybe time doing something physical ( We use the Wii Fit and Wii sports a lot!) Then another lesson, then movement. Use a timer. It helps. Make it a fun race- not a yelling session of pushing to get work done.( Not that you do, but once upon a time I did that. Blush)
Make school more fun. Reading can be anything, does not have to be dry school books. Also does not have to be done sitting. Throw in some baking. That is reading and math and movement and fun all in one.
Stop thinking like a school teacher, and start thinking like the wonderful mom you are who is teaching the great kid you have in his special way that only you can know! ( How is that for a run-on sentence??)
Rain days are just made for baking and curling up together on the couch to read to each other while munching cookies. May your day end with smiles and joy! You are a wonderful homeschooling mom who can turn the day around! Before you know it he will be 6 ft tall! Enjoy these days. ( I have 5 taller than me already) Hugs, Barbara

The School Year is Officially open! (Homeschool that is!)

2009-08-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

School year is officially open! ( Homeschool that is!)
We started back full time today. I am using a variation of the workbox system. My only problem is getting the boxes filled. I did not do it yesterday as I planned, since we went to the zoo. So it was a slow start this morning. The older kids seemed to like having it layed out like this. I am just doing the youngest two now. I let them play this morning while I worked out the system with the older ones.
I really think once I get MY act together this will be a lot easier on me in the long run. NO LOST BOOKS! WHOOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a 15 year old who is not doing workboxes. Then I have an 8th grader, two 7th graders, a 5th, a 4th, a 2nd, and a 1st grader. ( though actually they cross over grades in some subjects- I am not huge on grade levels…if I did not have to “label” them for the state I would not :))
Have you started the year yet? How is it going?
I am interested to hear how and what each of you is doing! Hugs, Barbara

Homeschooling! A new year is about to begin!

2009-08-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

August 25th, 2009
We are doing workboxes this year. I just have too many for them to share shelves anymore. We spent half our time looking for books that had been moved as the school day went on. With 9 kids pulling from the same shelves for every subject it was too much. My older ones are using the workboxes more as a storage place. The younger ones are getting more the workbox style- with different things in the boxes different days. At least I hope that is how it will work- day 1 you know!!
All the kids liked this though and i really did too! Much more organized and less work for me in the long run. Hugs, Barbara

Hope your weekend was happy!

2009-08-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

August 10th, 2009
Good morning! Rise and shine, it is a wonderful day!Fill it with sweet things!
I painted the little girls room over the week-end. It is now a med. blue with a fairy border around the ceiling. I still need to finish the trim and I am going to paint the bed. We got rid of their old bunkbeds, and moved in the ones from the older girls room. It is a really nice set, but I want to paint it to match the room. Right now it is plain white.
Of course that means both girls rooms are torn apart at the moment. LOL. I have a busy week ahead of me. Need to repaint the big girls room before we get their new beds in there.
Today is Tim’s birthday. Poor guy has to work. So we had his party yesterday. Colin and Kevin came out and Dylan was home. It was fun but ( as usual) a weird day. I had pumkin pies in the oven- hubby likes pie, not cake for his birthday. Anyway, went to check it…oven cold! My gas had run out! Called and they came out to fill the tank…2 hours later. So, no way to get pies done on time, or make supper. So a trip to town to buy frozen, ready to eat, lime pies and pizza.LOL! Hubby had pumpin pie before bed though!
Imagine two pulled apart rooms, no gas, and a birthday party. LOL! It was really a great time. My crew goes with the flow- thank goodness! Oh, and the washer clogged. Hubby was able to fix that in less than 30 min though….HAHAHA!
Hope your weekend made some memories. :) Hugs, Barbara

Just for fun!

2009-06-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

Just for Fun!June 21st, 2009
Good morning! Hope you had a wonderful Sunday! WE sure did! Ok, so Dylan officially graduated from Highschool in May. Since we homeschool- no ceremony. But, it is a big deal. We have been so busy with his and Tim’s work schedule, that we had not had our “day” yet. We had it yesterday! The idea is to have the max amount of fun in one day…and spend the least amount of money. There are 11 of us remember. So…….
We got to Red Lobster at 11am for an early lunch. We ordered the Calimari - 5 of them. They are huge plates of Calimari and broccoli and peppers fried. With a $9 tip- because she was so sweet( the manager recognized us and came over to meet the kids. Tim and I date there once in awhile)- it was $50 even. They serve free biscuits( a ton) and we drank water.
Then we went bowling. I have coupons- so we only paid for the shoes. $46 total and we each played two games.
Then we had a bit of time to kill. So we went to Staples. This is not part of the $ count of the day- but just had to tell this. They had packs of pencils- 8 in a pack for 1 cent. There was a limit of 2 packs. I have a homeschool teachers card though…so they let me have 25 PACKS at that price. So 200 pencils for $.25 They had kids scissors for $1 for a two pack. They let me get 5 packs- so $5 for 10 pair. Then erasers were a 3 pack for $1 and I got 4 packs. So spent just over $10
So, on to Sonic. It was HOT yesterday. We hit the “happy hour” half-price drinks. 11 medium slushes for $12.80
We had just enough time to drink them down and get to…
The cheap movies. Tickets- $2.50 each. We saw Monsters VS Aliens. LOL! What fun! I had made treats with cereal and marshmallows and we took those in with us. So $27.50 total.
We drove home and made pizza for supper, and watched August Rush while we ate in the livingroom.
Total for the day- $136.30 ( not counting the $10 school supplies! HAHA!)
Hope your day was as fun!Hugs, Barbara

Boys!

2009-06-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

June 14th, 2009
I finished my errands and am back! I thought I would pop in on the boys topic. I have 7 of the critters, so know a little. I have found several things with boys.
First, keep in mind that boys are turning into men from day 1! They are wired to be leaders and to take over the world!
Second, taking over the world has to wait, so you need to keep them busy! A boy MUST have a physical release of energy or he will have an emotional one. SO they need work and exercise. When one of mine gets grumpy I put them on the treadmill! Or out they go to mow, or wash a car. If you DAILY use that wonderful God given energy and strength, they will grumble less.
Third, boys need attention. I would say even teens, but actually it is especially teens. They need to know you are noticing how big, and strong, an man-like they are! As soon as you can start giving them the tasks hubby would do if he were home. A teen can fix a clogged drain, hang pictures, change oil, etc. Don’t make it a list of chores, instead make it a man- role. Hey, since dad isn’t home could you….for me?
Lastly, do thigs they like. Building strong bonds of friendsip will actually increase your authority. It shows you like them and are not afraid of being challanged. Go to movies you don’t like, try video games you would never play, listen to music they choose. Talk, talk, talk. Who wants to fight with a friend???
Hugs, Barbara

Keep a watchful eye mama!

2009-06-10T10:53:00.001-07:00

June 10th, 2009
I wrote the following in response to a question froma a lady who was having problems with a neighbor. Their children had been playing together and there was some “going potty” outside in front of each other. Each child was blaming the other and there was some discussion of this being “forced” on some of the kids. All the children were young.( 5-7 I think) The parents were not speaking and the kids were not playing together any more at the moment:
(((Hugs))) Things like this are awful for everyone involved. I have two thoughts. As the mother of many, several of whom are grown, I can tell you it could be worse. Kids that age are curious AND stupid! They will do really dumb, dumb things and I can assure you they will NEVER admit it. Your kids know it would break your heart if they admitted anything. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle of what each side is telling. (after all, your kids did not run home and tell when it was happening- at the very least they stayed and watched)
So my first advice is to go to your neighbors and tell them you are sorry anything happened with the kids. You don’t have to take blame to be sorry. If they want you to, you can just say, “I am not sure what happened, but I do know I don’t want our kids acting like that and I will be sure it does not ever happen again.”
Which brings me to advice #2. NEVER let your kids play out of sight. NEVER. They need to stay where they can be seen by you at all times. If they are in the yard, you should be able to look out at any time and SEE them. If in a room in the house- doors wide open. This time it was something as silly as going to the bathroom. Next time it could be sexual and those scars are hard to heal. VERY small children can be involved in things like that. They see so much in movies, tv, books, etc now. Don’t think you are shielding them- even billboards are plastered with the stuff.
So tell your neighbors that. “I have seen that my kids are still young enough to get involved in things that are not good for them, so from now on they will only be playing where they can be seen by an adult at all times. I hope they can still play with your kids sometimes. Please forgive us for not setting up that rule before.”
Hope it works out. Hugs, Barbara

Life Was Not Meant To Be A Treadmill

2008-09-03T12:14:00.002-07:00

Life Was Not Meant To Be A TreadmillSeptember 3rd, 2008
Do you live your life like it is a treadmill? No matter how much you walk or run, the track just circles around under you and comes up again?
Life was never meant to lived that way. The creator of the universe knew we would make mistakes. He knew we would have regrets. That is why we have Jesus, so we can clean the slate and begin again. You can not travel back in time to fix things. You can not rewind life and do it again differently. There is no way to go back, BUT you can go forward!
Stop running on that memory treadmill. Stop going over and over the past, trying to decide what you did wrong. Stop trying to relive the past. You can’t, you are not the same person you were then because you have learned and changed, and while you are wasting time, your present is being missed! Grab the here and now! Make NOW what you want it to be! NOW is yours! Fill each moment with the things you want to be your new memories!!
Step off that memory treadmill and walk right out the door! A big beautiful world is just waiting for you! Get your running shoes on, the adventure awaits! Hugs, Barbara

Smiled lately?

2008-09-03T12:14:00.001-07:00

Smiled Lately?September 2nd, 2008
Have you? Did you smile today? I am amazed at the sour faces Isee when I am out and about. My little children will sometimes ask me why people are so mad. Mad? Humm, then I realized that they are not used to seeing sour faces at home. They are used to smiles. When they see people with-out a smile on their face they think they must be mad. What would my kids think about you?
Smiling can make a difference in a day. Did you know that? It is so true. Next time you go out, try it. Run your own little test. Smile at people. It is amazing, they smile back! Last week I was going into a store. An older man stepped back to let me pass. I thanked him for holding the door for me. “Oh, I had to hold the door for a young lady with such an amazing smile”, he said! Well, I am 45 but I’ll take it! LOL!!
Smile at home too. Your family will pick up the habit! If you want happy children, smile at them! If you want a happy spouse, smile at them! If you have forgotten how, go look in the mirror. Smile at yourself until you look happy! There is something about a smile that says more than words can. If you are saying I love you, I care about you, you are important- smile. It will mean more than words alone. Words can be empty and fake, but a loving happy smile never is. I am smiling at you, are you smiling back at me yet? Hugs, Barbara

It Is Never Too Late!

2008-09-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

It Is Never Too Late!August 28th, 2008
Have you ever felt like it was too late for you to change your life? Do you think that too many things have happened, and your goals can not be reached? Maybe you have lost faith that your goals are even worth trying for. Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I to think I can be a success at anything?”
I will tell you who you are. YOU are the child of a King! The King of the Universe thought you were worth leaving heaven, and dying for. He thought YOU were worth putting a plan in place that would bring him back from the dead, so your life could be wonderful. There is no doubt of your worth.
The only doubt is your faith. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 When you stop hoping for a better life, you lose the faith you need to carry you into your dreams. When you believe what you see, instead of what God has promised, you lose the ability to reach your goals. No one but you can stop God’s plan for you. No one. Not Satan, not your boss, not the people who think you will not meet your goals. You, and You alone can prevent you from being all that God wants you to be.
Stop looking at the world, and keep your eyes on God. Read your Bible, God tells us over and over that he has wonderful plans of joy for us. He wants us to be successful so that we are in a position to reach others with his message. Get your faith back. Get your faith in God back, and get your faith in yourself back. Then get busy! The world is waiting to see you shine! Hugs, Barbara

Being The Best

2008-08-25T15:58:00.002-07:00

Being The BestAugust 25th, 2008
One thing I have learned through the years is that being the best is a good goal to have. Now sometimes we win a prize for being the best. We might get money or fame. That is ok, nothing wrong with money and fame! I would not mind a little of both myself! LOL! That is not what I am talking about though. What I am talking about is ever so much more important than money ever could be, and a million times more important than fame. I am talking about the goal of being the best YOU that you can be.
Does that strike you as funny? The Bible tells us it is not wise to compare ourselves amoung ourselves. I most of you would say you believe that scripture, but why? Why did God tell us that? Because he made each of us unique! Each of us has talents that make us special in the Kingdom of God. We may share some talents with others- there may be several people you know who all sing well for instance. Yet do they sound EXACTLY alike? No, no two people have the exact same talent. Also, we are not just one talent people. God gives each of us several talents that when working together make us more than the sum of our parts. No two people are given all of the same abilities. God spreads things around to be the maximum use in the world. He has a plan for your life that is not exactly like the plan he has for anyone else! You and you alone can completely fill the life work he has for you.
My family enjoyed watching the Olympics this month. We stayed up several late nights and cheered as the winners set record after record. It was amazing to watch those young people compete. Do you know what I noticed most though? They really were not competing with each other, as much as themselves. They were pushing to do their best, to reach their goals. You saw friendly conversations going on between teams. You saw hugs of congratulations to both the winner and those who did not win. We felt blessed to watch a swimmer step down from the start line and go ask a judge to allow another swimmer time to go change because her suit was torn. That swimmer was not from her country. They were competing against each other- or so it might seem. That torn suit would have put her at a disadvantage, it would have effected her time enough to make the difference between winning and losing. Yet here was the competition asking for a chance to make it a fair race. The judge allowed the swimsuit change and we watched the hugs exchanged before they both stepped onto their start lines. That is being your best. May we all reach for the best in us. May we reach to be the people God designed us to be. Hugs, Barbara

Loving God Is Not Enough

2008-08-25T15:58:00.001-07:00

Loving God Is Not EnoughAugust 20th, 2008
Are you shocked? Well, that statement is true and I stand by it. A very important person in history felt the same way. He talked about and preached about it. He said we needed to do one other thing. The church leaders of his day were shocked too. So much so they wanted to kill him. He was the target of a huge plot, carried out perfectly. He was betrayed by his own man, someone very close to him. He was eventually capture, tried (with false witnesses), and killed. He never recanted. Till the end he did what he preached. His last words, breathed as he was dying held the same message.
What did he preach we needed to do besides love God? Love each other. What was his name? Jesus.
This is not a salvation issue. Jesus knew he, and he alone was the answer for our sin. No, this is a life issue. It is what we are here for. We are to be loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and loving each other. God’s plan for each of us is to reach out to others. The idea of sitting alone doing nothing but talking to God day and night is mans invention. God never tells us to spend our lives that way. There may be times we do pull out of the mainstream to commune with God, perhaps even fasting as we do. That is not to be our lives though. Those times are only to prepare us to get back out into the world and make a difference. They are short times, to regroup and hear God clearly. They are not our main job in this life.
Jesus gave us the pattern in his own life. Serve, love , care, heal, comfort, and protect. Think of the last words Jesus spoke while on that cross. This was it. This was the end of his time to preach on earth as one of us. Yet what did he do? Did he yell out a few more rules for us? Go read it. He made sure his mother was going to be cared for. He asked God to forgive us. In his last moments, in the pain of the cross, he was loving people. All people. The very people who planned and carried out his death. He was speaking for them. He was speaking for those who did not even realize they needed forgiven. He was speaking for us. Love for man was on his mind as he was dying. Jesus died as he lived, caring for mankind.
Let us mold our lives around the example Jesus gave. Let us be about the business of our father: loving people. Hugs, Barbara

Beautiful People

2008-08-25T15:55:00.000-07:00

Beautiful PeopleAugust 19th, 2008
I have to say I am amazed at the beautiful people I have had the pleasure to meet in my life. I don’t mean their faces, though many , many of them have been beautiful too. I am speaking about the lovely hearts we meet as we go through life. Sweet people who make the day a little brighter.
I am also amazed, after getting to know them better, to find that many of those happy, sweet people are bearing heavy burdens. Often people are bearing burdens we know nothing about. They live their lives with beauty and grace despite the challenges they are facing. No matter what is going on in the background, what you see is inviting. The hardness of reality has not hardened their hearts. They remain open and loving to life.
What is it that makes some people still be able to smile? How do they remain open and soft? It is the outworking of faith in their lives. What does that kind of faith come from? It comes from a relationship with God. Not just a head knowledge, not a fancy degree in Bible studies, but a one to one relationship with Christ. It is a deep understanding of God’s pure love, because it has gone from being head knowledge to heart knowledge. No longer is religion important, it is God who takes center stage. They do not have to worry about jumping through hoops anymore, because they are ruled by an inner love of God, not the outer laws of men.
These are the people who reach out and touch your heart. They carry something that can not be contained. Christ is alive in them, so he is able to work through these dear souls. They carry a special brightness in their eyes. They have a lightness to their step. You feel you have been friends with them the moment you meet. The love they carry is Christs love, and it surrounds them like a gentle breeze. Each time you meet, you feel refreshed just having been near them.
I thank God for each of these special people I have been blessed to meet. They make the world a lovely place. Lots of bad in the world? I guess so, but I see more things that are wonderful, than that are bad. I see the hope of a world in the eyes and smiles of those who carry Jesus with them where-ever they go. Look around, I bet there are some beautiful people in your world to. Hugs, Barbara

What Is The Worst Thing That Can Happen?

2008-08-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

What is The Worst Thing That Can happen?August 15th, 2008
I have been thinking about success and failure a lot lately. I have been reading and reading about people who were successful in meeting their goals. The thing that keeps standing out to me is that many of them really felt they did not have any particular talents. They did have a burning desire to succeed. They had a dream and they never lost sight of it. They never wavered. year after year they kept plugging away, eye fixed on the goal.
The reverse is true also. I have read of some amazingly talented people who never did a thing. They expected the world to beat a path to their door, and it did not. They wasted their talents. They were lazy and whinny. The slipped into nothingness.
it seems on the path to success it is more important to have umph than raw talent. Now that does not mean no talent. They worked, and worked hard to perfect what talents they did have. They used the little natural talent they had and worked very, very hard to gain more. They perfected their skills. They were always learning and searching for ways to become better. If the chance came along to learn something new- they took it.
Which person are we? Do we value what God has given us and work to turn it into all it can be? Or do we dig a hole and hide out talents in the ground, afraid to step out into the unknown? What is the worst thing that could happen if you reached for your dream? Failure? Humm, it depends on your definition of failure. If learning and growing is failure, maybe. I would not call it that though. I think that through that process you might find yourself lead in a different direction. Your goal may change as God shows you where he wants your gifts used. Is that failure? Not in my book! Hugs, Barbara

It Can't Be Done!

2008-08-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

It Can’t Be Done!August 14th, 2008
I was watching the Olympics the other night. One of the men on the rings was able to pull himself from his body and legs sticking straight out behind into a handstand position without “bouncing”. By pure arm strength he tipped up slowly to a perfect upside-down T. it was amazing to watch, especially since the reporter said that before this man had done this move it was thought to be impossible. He said even two years ago the experts all said the human body could not do that.
Remember the movie The Right Stuff? It was thought we could not break the sound barrier, that it would kill a human to go that fast. It was said we would never make it to the moon, yet we have moon rocks to sit and study now. Amazing.
So what is impossible in your world? What do you think can not be done? What do you want to do that others say can not be done? Are you going to let that stop you? Those who say “never” are right about one thing- THEY will never do it. Of course as they are sitting there blah blahing about never- the guy who says it can be done will go right past them in a streak of glory!
I was told my marriage would “never” last. We had our 28th anniversary in June.
I was told I would “never” get my book in print. Wanna buy a copy? Polka-dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People came out this April! LOL!! “Never” tell ME “Never”!!
Can they tell you never??? Hugs, Barbara

Falling Flat On Your Face

2008-08-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Falling Flat On Your FaceAugust 13th, 2008
Do you know what the difference is between those who fall flat on their faces and those who never do? Those who fall flat where actually trying to do something! I have done a lot of reading about successful people. The thing that stands out to me over and over is that they all fell flat many times. The things they wanted seemed out of reach. They did not have what they needed to reach their goals- or so it seemed. They failed a lot. Sometimes they failed so many times they lost count!
So why did they end up successful? They kept getting back up! It is not the falling that makes a loser. Losers are the ones who never try in the first place, or give up at the first hint of failure. Winners fall and fall and fall, BUT they also get back up, get back up, get back up! They keep getting back up until they stay up!
Which way are you going to live your life? Are you going to miss it sitting on the sideline afraid to fall? Are you going to try, fall, and quit? Or are you going to keep getting back up, and keep moving toward the goal? Are you going to win because you refuse to fail?
Get stubborn! We often think of that as a bad trait. It is only a bad trait if you are heading for a wrong goal. It is actually the thing you need if you are sure your goal is the one God has placed before you. If it is, keep at it. Let nothing scare you off. Don’t let failure burst your bubble.
If what you are doing is failing, find another way around the mountain, but get to the other side. Go to the left, go to the right, go over, or go right through but get to the other side of that mountain. Still can’t get there? Then you need to have more faith!
Where did I get a crazy idea like that????
“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” Matthew 17:20
Can’t get around, over or through that mountain? Then move the mountain!! Hugs, Barbara

Second Chances

2008-08-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Second ChancesAugust 11th, 2008
Have you ever failed in a relationship that you really wanted, or that you really did not mean to mess up? I don’t just mean your love life here, though it can be that kind of relationship. I am speaking of any relationship- spouses, parents, children, friends, co-workers, etc. I know I have. I have blown several relationships in my life that I really, truly thought I was acting in the best way possible. My heart was right. I was doing the best I knew to do, yet the end result was terrible. I hurt people I loved. I said things I didn’t mean, or maybe I did mean them but not like they came across.
So what do you do? First talk to God about it. Ask him to show you where you went wrong. Ask him to give you insight into what went wrong, and then listen to what he tells you. it can be hard to “hear’ but listen, you need to know. Then what? Say your sorry. Say it and mean it. Don’t try to defend your mistake, just say you are sorry.
Does it work? Most of the time it does. Most of the time the people you love really do love you back. We can be different in how we show that love, but it is there just the same. Most of the time you will find more forgiveness than you expected. Some times it does not work though. Sometimes the wounds are deep and have been allowed to fester. Those take time. The old saying that time heals all wounds is true in a way. In time God can heal those wounds and often he will open a closed door for you to try again. Keep praying and believing in the power of love. God tells us to be long suffering, and to believe all things. I have found that to be perfect advice- go figure?
In the mean time don’t sit and pout. Don’t keep flogging yourself over your mistakes. if you have talked it over with God, and set it straight with him, and asked for forgiveness from the person you hurt, move on. Even if there is no forgiveness from them. Move on. Punishing yourself serves no purpose. It changes nothing and makes you useless. We live in a hurting world. You do not have time to sit and be useless. God has other things for you to be doing. Ask him, and he will be able to use your open heart to help others. Maybe you can not fix the things of the past, but you can build a better future. Your life can be a ray of hope to another in this life. Allow yourself to live again. Allow God to live through you. Forgive yourself and reach out. Touch a life. Make a difference. Hugs, Barbara

Dirty Little Secrets.....Shuuu

2008-08-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

Dirty Little Secrets…shuuuuAugust 8th, 2008
How many of you hold on to some secret part of your past? Something you are ashamed of, have even asked God to forgive you for but, you can not forgive yourself?
I see this a lot. I think it is one of the slickest tricks Satan uses on us. He wants us to stay locked in guilt and shame so we will not be powerful in God’s kingdom. He knows your soul is not his to toy with, but he hopes by playing mind games with you he can keep you out of the game.
Have you ever watched a sporting event where one side cheated? They knew they were not as talented as the other team. They had not worked as hard and were not as committed. What happens in a game like that? The losing team will often hurt the best players on purpose. They will kick a knee, or elbow someone in the face. They might get a penalty assigned to their side but they feel it is worth it. The best player is now out of the game. They win by taking out the strongest, the ones who could score the most points.
Satan is like that. He knows that it is the people with the best testimonies that have the ability reach the most people. The people who have been forgiven the most, love the deepest. They are powerful forces if they are unleashed! If you are burdened with the details of your past being constantly whispered in your ear, then Satan is trying to shut you up. He is afraid of you, and is using the only thing he has to keep you from spreading the Good News….your guilt.
Stop letting him use you. God has completely forgiven you. You are his child and he adores you. God has made you a new creature. You are not a patched up anything. You are new in Christ. When Satan tries to whisper your past in your ear, turn around and punch him in the nose. Tell him Barbara sent you. Hugs, Barbara

I Dare You!

2008-08-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

I Dare You!August 7th, 2008
Remember when you were a child, how you would dare each other to do crazy things? Sometimes you were frightened out of your whits, but you did not want to back down from a dare, so off you went! Well, I am going to dare you today. Let’s see if you are a scaredy cat now that you are grown!
I dare you to dream again! I dare you to actually dream of something you really want in this life, and then to go out and make that dream come true. As a matter of fact I double dog dare you! So take that! LOL!!
You know, many of us had big dreams as kids and teenagers. We wanted to make a difference in the world. We wanted our lives to amount to something- and not just money goals either. We wanted to be special, important, needed. We wanted to be the one that made a change in things. Somewhere along the way many of us got side-tracked. Life got in the way. Little by little we lost sight of those goals. The business of surviving got in the way of really living. Some dreams we laid down and let the dust cover. Other dreams just sort of slipped away , with-out us even realizing they had gone.
I want you to dream again. Maybe you will want to dust off an old dream, or maybe you need to dream a new dream. Either way I challenge you to dream big. Don’t piddle. People who piddle around never change a thing- they just make a lot of noise. Instead think long and hard about your role in this life. What do you need to accomplish before your life story is finished?
I saw a quote the other day. There was no source but I really loved it. It said, ” What would you try if you knew you could not fail?” It got me thinking. The difference between those who make a dream into reality, and those who only dream is in that thought. The people who make dreams come true refuse to fail. Failure is not an option for them. They just keep trying until they find a way.
I dare you to dream, and keep on dreaming until your dream is reality. I double dog dare you! Hugs, Barbara

Giving Up

2008-08-06T09:02:00.001-07:00

Giving UpAugust 6th, 2008
I get a lot of mail from people who are ready to give up. They feel they have waited long enough. Their marriage is not what it should be. Sometimes it is not bad even, but it is not what they thought it would be. Like a fruit tree that has no fruit, they feel their marriage is not worth working on any more.
I have fruit trees behind my house. We planted those tree 16 years ago. Now 16 years is a long time. Through the years we have not gotten but a tiny handful of fruit. For the first few years we tended those trees well, but still they did not grow fruit. After awhile we stopped tending them. We let the weeds grow and did not feed the trees anymore. They were still there, but we basically ignored them. Time slid by. No fruit, but who cares?
Then a couple of years ago several of the boys got interested in the trees. They cut down all the weeds, they feed the trees. We got lots of blossoms but frost hit them over the next several years and we still got no fruit.
I wish you were here. I would take you to my kitchen window and have you look at my trees. They are so full of fruit the limbs are shagging from the weight of it all. Beautiful peaches and apples hang on those trees. The fruit is bursting on them. It took 16 years, but we have a wonderful harvest.
I see marriages that way. Some do not bear much fruit the first few years. Problems come and weeds grow. Those weeds are not tended to. Even if some effort is made, it is not enough, frost hits- those unexpected problems. Many people cut down the tree in frustration. They are sick of waiting. They miss the harvest.
I am not saying there is never a dead tree. I suppose there are. I am saying that I think most of the trees not bearing fruit are really just untended. It takes a tree several years of growth to bear fruit. While waiting the farmer needs to still be tending to the tree. Sometimes things like frost do happen. The faithful farmer waits and looks forward to the next season- tending as he waits. He knows in time, With love and patience he will get a harvest. He believes.
If your are ready to call it quits, stop for a moment. Perhaps you need to clear out some weeds. Maybe you need to feed your marriage. A harvest may be right around the corner. A harvest you will be amazed at. Hugs, Barbara

What Is The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done?

2008-08-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

What Is The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done?August 1st, 2008
Ok, I want you to think about it. Be honest with yourself. What is the worst thing you have ever done in your life? Don’t tell me, just think about it. Got it in your mind?
Now, What is the best thing you have ever done for someone ? Be honest, what is the very best thing you have ever done in your life? Got it in your mind?
Now, answer me this, which was harder for you to come up with? Most people can instantly think of the thing they have done that is the worst. They still feel the hurt and shame of it, but people often cannot even come up with the best thing they have done. Is it because they have never done anything good? No. I think it is because we tend to brood about the bad, and re-live the bad again and again in our minds. We beat ourselves up over the mistakes we have made. We do not forgive ourselves. We pass over the good, as if it does not count somehow.
That is a trick Satan would like to keep playing on you. He wants you to live in the past, in the hurt and shame of your human failures. God does not. When God looks at you he does not see the mistakes. He sees the joy of his child, the love of his heart. Do you doubt it?
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
God has removed those sins, so why do you want to hang on to them? Let them go, forever. Begin to make a new play list in your mind. Relive the chances God has given you to bless others. Replay the good times. Look for more sweet times to come. Let the past stay where God has it and look ahead to the blessings that await! Hugs, Barbara

My Sin Is Better Than Your Sin

2008-07-31T17:09:00.000-07:00

My Sin Is Better Than Your SinJuly 31st, 2008
“My sin is better than your sin, my sin is better than yours, you should be punished but me forgiven, ‘cuz my sin is better than yours.”
Can you hear that in a sing song, you know, like ” My dad is bigger than your dad…”, or “My dog is better than your dog…”.
I think we have a lot of people who walk around singing that song in their head. They seem to think that the things they fail and stumble at are small, really just mistakes, while everyone else is “sinning”. I have lived my whole life knowing people like that. They will look down their nose at someone else and pass a harsh sentence, but feel they themselves should be forgiven when they fall.
Want to know what I think? I think we should forgive them too. I really do. Their passing judgement is not any worse than anything I have ever done, just different. I really believe it is all the same to God. It all breaks his father heart. He hurts when we hurt, and he is waiting at any moment to let us crawl back into his lap and make things right. Some sin has worse end results than others, we realize that in the natural realm. Killing someone has a worse consequence than stealing a pack of gum. In the spiritual realm it is all sin though. Both separate us from fellowship with God. Both break our fathers heart. More importantly though, Jesus died for both. He came to save every kind of sinner. So we are all the same, a people in need of a saviour.
The next time you are in a place to pass judgement, think of what God did. He loved us all. He gave up heaven for each of us. Be as fair and as kind as you can be. If it is in your power to do so, be there to give a hand to the sinner before you. Reach out and lift them up. One day it may you you needing that hand up.
I know I have needed the hand of mercy many times. God has always given it to me. Blessings to you as you walk out your faith in love and kindness. Hugs, Barbara
Tags: Forgiveness, Love, Sin

Chapter One FREE!

2008-07-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have decided share with you the first chapter of my book. I hope it will be a blessing to you. Please forgive the odd spacing, it is not transferring well. Hugs, Barbara

Polka-Dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People
B a r b a r a S m i t h

Copyright © 2008 Barbara Smith
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1-4196-9178-3
ISBN-13: 9781419691782

To my Mother for always believing in me
To my Husband for bringing out the very
best in me
To my son Colin for loving me even when I
have been wrong
And to all my Dear Friends who have held
my hand along the way
Thank you all,
Hugs, Barbara

Polka-dot Star Flowers
Real help for real people
CHAPTER ONE
Something is missing. I see it missing in the faces of people I pass on the street. I see
the world looking for it in the movies I watch and in the books I read. It seems most of
the world is looking for the missing piece of the puzzle. Everyone has an idea what it
looks like, yet few find it. It is in our midst, but for most people it is just out of reach. We
recognize it when we see it though. We long for it, and sometimes we even find it for a
time, yet somehow, for most of us it always slips away. You were looking for it when
you picked up this book. You were probably looking for it in the last several books you
read, but this time it is going to be different: because this time you are not going to be
given a to-do list. This time you are going to be given what you are seeking: joy!
I found it and it is deep inside of me. Nothing can take it from me. Nothing can
change it. It is like the air I breathe. It is always with me. I have found the pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow, and it is not money, it is joy. Moreover, it is a joy that cannot be
taken from you. I am going to share the secret of lasting joy with you. If your life seems
nothing but grey, come with me. Take my hand and step into a life filled with joy.
That joy is Jesus. He loves you. Jesus loves you so much, that he gave up heaven for
a time, and lived as a man. He, the creator of all, became part of the creation. He came to
live, to teach, to die, and to rise again. He came to bear our sins as only God can do, and
to free us from them. He came to give us life and that abundantly. With that life will
come joy.
I have a joy that can only come from God, because it is God. It is His spirit inside of
me. It has brought me through deep waters. I am planted in God’s love, and in His joy,
and I want to share that joy with you. God planned for you to have a joy-filled life. He
wrote a love story to us. It is a story filled with joy. Many people seem to miss that part
of the story. So I am here, writing to you this day to help you look deeply into the eyes
and heart of God. I want you to find the joy God is waiting to give you. It is His free gift.
It is a gift of love.
I am going to tell you my story in the next few pages. In the past, I have been
reluctant to reveal so much of myself. Then one day I realized that my story might bring
hope to another heart. There just might be another soul out there that had been wounded,
and needed healing. God was showing me that by keeping my past hurts tucked away, I
was robbing someone else of the chance to find a joy filled life. I think you need to hear
my story, so that you can see that the joy I have is not a natural one. It did not come from
an easy, trouble-free life. It came from Jesus. His heart touched mine. I hope that my
story can touch your heart briefly, so then Jesus can touch it forever. He can give each of
you what he has so freely given to me, joy.
I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of nine. I have never doubted the truth of that
commitment. God took hold of something deep inside me, and that has never wavered. I
feel Him with me every moment of my day.
I really do not remember a time without His heart with mine. I had a less than lovely
childhood. My parents had a lot of trouble- most of which I was blissfully unaware of
until they divorced when I was 11. I will not go into details, but it was an ugly divorce. I
suppose they all are. Both parents remarried, and both divorced again. Both married for a
third time. I lived with my mother and we moved to Iowa when I was 15. I had little
contact with my father. I met Tim (my now hubby) when I was a sophomore in high
school. He was a senior. We became fast friends. At the end of the school year, knowing
he was off to college soon I tried everything I could think of to get him to ask me out. I
finally asked him. That was it. We talked of “when we get married” from that night on.
We went along as typical teenagers do. I cannot see the use of going into detail here, but
you can fill in the pieces. We married when I was 17. Our first child was born 9 months
later.
Tim finished nursing school, and then I started. Life went on, as lives tend to do.
Three children, and several moves later I got meningitis. I almost died. My parents had
been called to come (they were several states away). God was merciful and I lived. I had
such severe headaches I could no longer work. I had always wanted to be a stay at home
mom, but the world convinced me that was no longer a choice currently. God used that
illness to bring me home. I never worked again, even after I finally recovered.
It was after this, I think due to the fear of how tied up in each other we were, and that
he had almost lost me, that my husband had an affair. When I found out, I cried out to
God. I had always felt God with me, but had never gone to church after my parents
divorce. I begged and pleaded. I groveled. I really did. We managed to save our marriage.
It was one of the hardest times in my life, or so I thought. Worse was coming.
We had baby #4 after that. We found a place in the country, and rebuilt our lives. We
began to go to church together. Life seemed sweet. My husband became a Christian and
two years later baby #5 was on his way. I got a call one night. It was a police officer. He
asked me where my 13-year-old daughter was. I told him in bed. He asked me to go to
the door. There stood a police officer with her on our doorstep. She had tried to run away.
I found out that night that she had become involved with a girl at school who was into
“Satan worship”. I will not go into the personal details, except to say we were worried
about her safety. We ended up sending her to a boarding school for a year. We did not
know what else to do. We felt we could not effectively limit contact with this girl by
ourselves, as this girls parents were not willing to help. They saw nothing wrong in their
daughter’s activities. We got advice from several different professionals and they
recommended we not have her in our home until she had gotten professional help
breaking away from her influence. We could find only one school that would accept her,
and it was several states away. It took a full half of our income to have her there. It was
so painful, and God taught me a lot. We had pulled our kids from school by then, and
began home schooling. Our daughter came home a full year later, a professing Christian
and life went on. We began to live a very different kind of life. We read the Bible a lot,
and tried to live out what we thought was there. We had made many mistakes, but at the
time, it seemed we were on the right path. Babies kept coming, and I felt so very blessed.
In 1999, I was expecting baby # 10. Two weeks from my due date, our house burned
to the ground. We were asleep inside when the fire started. God woke me, and we all
escaped unharmed. We lost everything.
Two weeks later another daughter was born by c-section. We rented a house and
planned to rebuild. A month later, my oldest daughter announced she was moving out.
She hated all of us, and wanted out. She moved out and got heavily involved with
everything we had tried to protect her from. She eventually moved in with a man older
than her father. I thought my heart might never recover. I had lost everything it seemed.
My home was gone. All of our things were gone. We had been blessed to get out of a
burning house with all of children alive, only to lose this daughter to the world. We had
no contact with her at all. It all seemed so hopeless. Yet little by little, joy began to shine
through. The light on the inside soon lit up the darkness on the outside. We did rebuild.
Life went on. I studied the Bible. I counted my blessings. A few years later that daughter
hit bottom. She called. Mr. wonderful was not so wonderful. She left him and pulled her
life together. She went to college and received her four-year degree in only three years.
She graduated with high honors despite the fact that she had completely supported
herself, working full time, while in school. Things were looking on track again. God
blessed us with two more children over the next few years and life again was sweet.
In 2002, I found my then almost 19-year-old son engaged in serious self-destructive
behavior. He had problems with smoking in the past and we had found a porn magazine
in our home once. It appears the extent of his problems were much more serious than we
had realized. I will not go into details, but this was much more than smoking or dirty
magazines. When discovered he fled our home. I spoke to my son a few times on the
phone in the weeks to follow. I begged him to get help. He assured me he was going to
“work it out”.
A year later, when our 13th child was born he asked if he and his girlfriend could
come out to see the baby. I agreed. While here, an argument arose. His girlfriend then
told us that she knew how awfully we had treated him, throwing him out for smoking. I
told her she did not know the whole story. My son perceived I might tell her, and
attempted to run me over with his truck. I got a very badly bruised arm, and one heck of a
backache, but was other wise unharmed. I am not sure how I was not killed. One moment
the truck was dragging me backwards, and the next I was on my feet a couple of yards
away. I think my poor angel must get tired. I did not know where that son was for years.
He and I were so close as he was growing up, it was wonderful, then to not even know if
he was alive for almost four years was unimaginable. God kept me close. It still hurt. I
still believed.
Life goes on. I have learned to trust in Christ alone as my happiness. Everything else
must be kept loosely in my hand. He alone can be my source of joy, because he alone is
unchanging. He alone is love. God has kept me, and loved me. I have poured myself into
being a wife and mother. I love my dear husband, who is a changed man. He is the lover
and partner all women dream of. It was not always so.
Then one day out of the blue, we got a call. It was from the child my husband had
fathered as a 16-year-old teenager. That child had been given up for adoption. I always
knew. She had found us. We have made her a part of our lives. She is flesh of my
husband, and we are one flesh. I could see no reason to constantly remind my dear
husband of his former mistakes. I accepted her as my own. She is a sweet spirit and we
love her and her husband dearly. She visits us, and we visit her.
We call her often, and she calls us often. She is treated in every way as the other
children are. They call her their sister- except our oldest daughter, who refuses to accept
her as a part of our family. Our oldest will not forgive us for making her a part of the
family. We had never told the children of this daughter. We did not know where she was,
and if we would ever have any contact with her. There did not seem to be any reason to
tell our children. At this time, my oldest daughter says she will never speak to me again.
It seems I have made so many mistakes with her. I never meant to. Each time we seem to
be over those mistakes, I make new ones. It hurts, and I lean on God.
Last year I joined an online weight loss group. I was too fat. I wanted to get this
weight off. I made myself at home on the boards, and enjoyed the friendship I found
there. As people got to know me, I started getting emails asking for advice. My marriage
is now a good, solid, happy one; they asked how I got that. My kids do so well in our
home school, and people began asking questions about that also. My day-to-day life is
filled with sunshine and joy. I have chosen to let God’s blessings make up for the pain of
this world. I look into His face each morning, and find the joy I need to carry on. The
pain of my past has been laid at the cross. I refused to pick it up again. I started
answering the emails. It seemed they just kept coming. I started two threads to make it
easier. I felt I was being allowed by God to share the love He had given me. The Bible
tells us that the older women should teach the younger how to love. I have tried to do
that. One of the threads has over 19,000 posts now. I have received over 600 private
emails, women asking for advice, or thanking me for my words. I felt God was using my
pain to help others heal.
I ended up with a ministry of sorts, just a ministry of love, of listening. Of pointing the
way to Jesus, who has been faithful to me all these years. Despite my mistakes. Despite
my pain. Love still wins. The sweet fellowship I get with Christ is worth it all. Nothing
this world has hit me with compares. I just wanted to share the peace and love I found in
the Bible with others. So there I was, teaching and loving and listening.
Then one Friday my dear second son, who I have such a sweet relationship with- the
son who has comforted me in many of my trials, the son who calls or emails me daily,
who asks me on dates so we can have some alone time, called and asked if he could meet
with me. At that meeting, he made the painful revelation that he had been living a lie for
years, feeling unable to talk to me about it… that he is gay.
Once again, my world shattered. I was on my knees. My husband looked like a
walking dead man. Grief had covered me like a wave. I looked again to Christ alone. He
held me tight. This place was so dark, but I could feel Christ holding me still. I still
believed, I still trusted. I did not doubt God. He sees more than I ever will.
My worst struggle was the women on my threads. I suppose that sounds so trivial. I
felt God placed me there to minister. I felt I was helping His kingdom in my own small
way. I wondered how many of those women would still want my advice if they knew all
of this? I never thought until then that my past mattered, because I thought I was past it. I
felt the problems with my older two kids were a direct result of things that happened
before my husband was saved. I decided to just tell them my whole story. All of it. I
posted a blog that contained a lot of what I have written here. I asked each of the women
to please read it that day.
I said I would drop off the threads unless they requested me to stay. I stayed off the
computer for two days. I could not bear to look. My mom, who was my partner on one of
the threads, called me. She wanted to know if I was reading the responses. I told her I
could not bear to look. She told me to get on there and read, so I did. I want to tell you
that I received email after email of loving support, page after page of women who loved
me, in spite of my past. Despite all the mistakes that had gone before. They reached out
in true Christian love to me. I think I received about 60 emails that first two days. I had
not even known that many women were reading my posts. Many of the ones who
responded had been reading along, but never posting. As I read their loving words to me
the tears began again, but they were cleansing tears. Tears like morning rain, refreshing
and renewing. I had exactly two women who responded in a negative fashion. They not
only felt I had no right to talk about God with my past, but warned the other women that
they would be punished if they had anything to do with me. They posted on the actual
thread, warning all who were there of God’s anger with them for loving me. 100% of the
other woman stayed anyway.
So I continued the work God had placed in my hands, I picked up the pieces of my
heart and placed them in the hands of Jesus. I prayed over my son. I searched the
scriptures for direction. I decided God was telling me that loving my son was all he was
asking me to do. If God had wanted to change my son’s heart, he was big enough to do it
without my help. I have tried to act as someone’s Holy Spirit in the past, and I am a
complete failure at it. I have made the decision to leave being God to God. He never
asked me to try to do his job. He asked me to love his children.
My son is one of them, and I love him dearly. Our relationship is still as strong and
sweet as it was before I knew he was gay. He is still the same man he was; only now
there are no hidden secrets between us. I made the decision to let love win, and it has. I
cannot say I understand what the future will bring for my son, but I can trust him to
God’s care. God is faithful and I know he will guide my son just as he guides us all, with
love and grace.
My past is not always been a beautiful one. I made many, many mistakes. I now
realize that all those mistakes are part of who I am. I cannot fix my past. I cannot change
one moment, one mistake. I can say I am sorry, and I have, many times. I must live with
the results of my choices; I cannot go back and chose better. I can only go on from where
I am with an open heart. I can only trust God to keep me. I have trusted God to heal my
heart, and He has. I still believe every word in the Bible. I still believe God loves me. I
still believe he has a purpose for all he has allowed to happen to me. I feel he wants me to
share my life, so that others may be healed. Like Job of old, I will trust Him. Though he
slay me, yet will I trust him.
I have prayed long and hard over this book. The only thing I can say is that God seems
fit to use me, broken and flawed as I am. I do not understand that. I am the last one I
would pick to share God’s message. I thought I would rather crawl into a hole than tell all
of this. Yet God has whispered to my heart. I cannot hide. Maybe someone else is in need
of His love. My message is not about me. It is not about my success or failure in this life.
It is about love. It is about joy. It is about redemption. It is about a love and joy only
Christ can give us.
If you are in a place in your life where joy seems lost, if you feel your past will hold
you back from a future of happiness and love, I am reaching out to you. The darkness in
your life is about to lift. Take my hand. Trust me, you are about to walk into the light of
God’s love. Step with me into joy! Hugs, Barbara

Might As Well Be Hung For A Sheep As A Lamb!

2008-07-28T13:04:00.001-07:00

Barbara’s Blog
Daily thoughts of joy
Might As Well Be Hung For A Sheep As A LambJuly 28th, 2008
Have you ever heard that old saying? The saying is that you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. It is saying that if you are going to be hung for stealing, steal something big. Hanging is hanging after all. You are not any more dead if you are hung for a lamb- a small thing to steal, than if you had stolen a sheep- a bigger thing to steal. Hung is hung.
I like that saying. No, I don’t think you should steal sheep! I don’t think you should steal anything, big or little, and I sure don’t want to be hung! But I don’t think they were REALLY talking about stealing sheep with that saying. I think the idea is you might as well go big while you are at whatever you are doing. I like that idea. I think we often fail at our goals because we think too small. We are so afraid of messing up that we aim small. In our mind it is somehow less of a failure if we fail at something small. Is it? Failure is failure after all, just like hanging is hanging no matter the size of the sheep.
I think instead of aiming at the small things, thinking we will fail, let’s aim for the big goal thinking we will attain it! Let’s go after the sheep! LOL!! If we only ever try for the small things in life, our lives will be small. Our victories will even be small, because we aimed so low. We will never hit the bulls eye of our dreams. Have you ever watched someone aim a gun at the target? He does not look at the bottom of the target with his head hanging down. His chin is up and his eye is on the prize!
Let’s live our lives that way. Head up, eye on the prize! I wanted to write a book. I was told that was too hard to do and it was just too hard to sell books these days. Only a few authors ever make it big, so why waste your time? Well, because I think I am one of the ones who can do it! I think my book has real value, because it was written to help people! How can helping people live lives of joy and success be a waste? Will it make me a million dollars? Who cares?! I didn’t write the book to make a million dollars! I wrote the book because I know lives can be changed. I know for a fact that no matter what your life has held so far, it can become wonderful! Now that is a reason to write!
So, I have a book on Amazon.com! My book Polka-dot Star Flowers: Real Help For Real People did get published! It is selling! And you know what? I am getting emails by the dozens from people thanking me for changing their lives! Regular people who thought their life was worthless, now see how very important they are. They are important to God, and they are important to other people! Is that a waste? No way! Am I glad I wrote the book? Yes! Do I want you to buy it? Sure I do, because I know you too have goals you are missing. Almost everyone I meet tells me something in their lives holds them back from meeting their goals. I can help, because I believe in the power of love and joy. I believe we can all be the best at what God designed us to be!
So, are you going to go after the lamb or the sheep? Don’t steal it! Meet your life goals! Then instead of a tiny lamb or even a big fat sheep, you can buy the whole ranch! Go on, get busy! Hugs, Barbara

What Do You See?

2008-07-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

What Do You See?July 24th, 2008
I have learned an interesting thing in my life. Many things are good or bad depending on who is doing the looking. I am not talking about sin. I realize there are some who want to debate what is sin and what is not, but really that is just words. Even a person who has had no contact with the Bible has deep in them the ability to know right from wrong at its most basic level. This post is not about sin.
I am speaking of something different here. I am speaking of life experiences. Is your glass half empty or half full? At noon is the day half over, or only half over? Is that rain a welcome friend or the end to your plans? When your life moves on to the next phase is the end or the beginning?
I have found the answer depends on where your heart is. You have a choice in this life. You cannot always control what falls in your lap, but you, and you alone, get to decide how to look at it. You can look for the good, or you can wallow in the bad. It really is your choice. Some people seem to have a natural bent to see the good. I feel everyone can learn that trait though.
The Bible tells us we are to be looking forward to the prize. I think forward here has a double meaning. It means both happy anticipation and to actually be looking beyond where we are, to where we are headed! We are to be expecting the good at the end. No matter how hard the race you are running, look for the prize at the end! Each step is not to be fought,but welcomed. Each step, no matter how hard or slow, is moving you forward to the prize.
We have all heard , “When life hands you lemons make lemonaid”. It is a cute saying, but it is also the way happy people live life. They don’t sit and cry over the sour parts of life. They add sweetness to it and make something wonderful out of it.
”But my situation is different”, you say. Maybe. Maybe not. Life has some dark sides. Horrible things do happen, and no amount of sugar can sweeten them. What about those things? You may have things in your life that are too tragic to make sweet, but you can still make something worthy from them. I want you to think about John Walsh. Most of you will know him from the TV show America’s Most Wanted. John’s young son was kidnapped and killed. It was evil in it’s purest form. Yet John has used the pain of that to help others. He took that experience and found the only good to be found- that he could help others. He made it his lifes work to solve crimes, to put the criminals behind bars, so they could not hurt anyone else. John found the good. He made the bad into good for others.
Did it bring his son back? No. But Johns work brings honor to his son’s memory. If you have faced tragity, look for the good. You may be able to help someone else who is facing what you faced. You might find that God can use your life to ease the lives of others. Look for the good. Make your life count in the lives of others. Make a difference.
What if your troubles are the size of lemons? Squeeze them. Add some sugar and find a thirsty soul to share lemonaid with! Hugs, Barbara

Bringing my blogs home. Well, at least some of them...

2008-07-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

Barbara’s Blog
Daily thoughts of joy

Are You Happy?July 22nd, 2008
Did you say yes or no? Your answer will tell you what you need to do next!
I have learned a few things about happiness. It really has very little to do with the things we have, or what we are doing. It really is not based on anything outside of ourselves. It is an internal state. No one can make you happy, and no one can take away your happiness. Oh, they might sway things one way or another for a time, but the real, deep down joy can not be moved.
It is like the stars. You may not see them at times, but they are still there. They did not leave, they are shining even when we can not actively see them. Even after the death of a star- the light shines on for years.
Our lives can be like that. The joy we have can carry on no matter what is happening in the atmosphere. We might be covered for a time, but the light will shine through by the end of the day.
If you do not have that kind of happiness, you can get it. You can not buy it, or make it, or even steal it. But you can get it. All you must do is ask. God is waiting to give it to you. He only asks that you do one thing in return. Pass it on. Loving God will give you that deep, strong root of joy. It will spring up in you and grow and bear fruit. God only asks that you pass the fruit of your joy on to others. Love deeply, fully. Laugh long and hard. Find the happiness and then give it away. It is just that simple.
Have you ever seen a child make a full day of games out of an empty box? They can laugh and play and romp all day. The box is nothing special. it is not really magic. The magic in the play of a child comes from the inside. They are not afraid of being silly, they do not worry about what others are thinking or doing. They take what they have and enjoy it. Do you?
If you named all the things you DO have, would the list be longer than what you think you don’t have? Look around you and be honest. Are there people in the world who would think they had died and gone to heaven to live a life like yours?
Now, look inside of yourself. What is there? Deep joy comes from inside, so what is there? Have others hurt you? Do you allow that to keep you dead inside? Don’t. By allowing the actions of another rule you, you are still giving them power over you. You are GIVING it to them. Stop letting others have YOU. Take back your life.
From this day forward YOU decide your path. No one can make you walk a life of sorrow and pain. Have a long talk with God. He understands. He cares. He does not want to see you live a life of emptiness. The Bible says he came that we might have joy, and that abundantly!! Then let go of the things that hurt you. lay them down at the feet of Jesus and refuse to pick them back up. When you feel yourself reaching for those boxes of hurt, stop. Tell yourself, “NO, that is over. It will not control me one more moment.” Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders. Then step out in joy! Hugs, Barbara
PS-if you answered Yes! to that first question, then go find someone who did not, and hug them. Help them find the joy you have. Pass it on!
Tags: Future, Joy, Peace

The Exit RampJuly 21st, 2008
I am in the business of helping people find joy in their lives. One thing I see a lot, is people who know they are on the wrong road, but they refuse to take an exit ramp. They just travel on and on, getting more and more lost, or they back-up and go up and down the same road over and over. You can not get to a new place traveling on the same road.
If you are on the road to nowhere, get off! Take an exit and get on a new road. The fact you are traveling down a wrong road does not mean you have to stay there! You can exit! You can stop and ask for directions!
Some people are afraid to take that exit. It is an unknown road. Well, if the road you are on is leading you nowhere, what do you have to lose exactly? Take the exit. If you find that exit did not take you where you want to be, take another! There is a road leading to where you want to go! Be willing to find it! Finding the right road can be an adventure in itself! You may just find that a new road gives you a new vision. The horizon might look different for you. Where there was once darkness, there will be light. Where there was once loneliness, there is friendship, maybe even love. You might find the new road has fewer pot-holes and better road signs.
Stop wasting your time and energy going on a road that leads to pain and failure every time. Take that exit. Every road has a way on and a way off. You do not have to stay on the road you are on. I don’t care how you got on that road, you can get off. You can decide to go a new direction.
Our lives are like that road. We can keep blindly going in a direction we know is wrong or we can choose a better way. At any moment you can take control of your life and begin again. It is never too late. I see an exit right ahead. Are you willing to see what wonders are around the corner? A new road awaits! Hugs, Barbara

Stopped By Fear.July 17th, 2008
I went to the dentist today. I HATE DENTAL WORK. Now don’t get me wrong. I have a wonderful dentist, who I like very much. He is really good, we are friends. I trust him, yet I HATE DENTAL WORK!! I had an old badly done crown that needed replaced (done by a different dentist). He has been trying to get me to replace it for a couple of years. I keep saying I will. I knew I should. The old one was ugly to begin with. It hurt frequently. It kept my gum sore a lot. It trapped food and I had to floss every time I ate anything. There was no reason to keep that old crown. Yet I did.
I was more afraid of the dental work hurting, than the pain of that old crown. I was kind of used to that pain, in a wierd way. The thought of having that crown removed made my skin crawl. I just knew it was going to be an awful ordeal. So I kept putting it off. I had good excuses. I was too busy. It was going to cost too much….blah…blah…blah. The real truth was the fear.
So today I did it. I was scared to death when he started. I did not feel the shot. I could feel the cutting and tugging, but it did not hurt. It really didn’t. My gum is sore and tender, but not anything a couple of advil can’t take care of. I have a nice new temporary crown in place. It looks nicer than the old one! I can’t wait to see the real one in place in a few weeks. All the troubles the old crown gave me will be gone. This one will really fit. It will feel good. It will look nice. Everything about it will be better. Why did I wait so long???
What is your crown right now? What thing are you not doing because of fear? What thing would actually be better for you, but fear stops you from doing it? Sometimes, like my crown, we fear pain, but I think for most of us, we more often fear failure. It is easier to sit tight, even if we are getting no benefit, than to risk failure. We hurt where we are, rather than risk a new hurt.
I should have gotten this done years ago. Now that I am on the other side of it, I can say that with ease. This morning I was living in fear of it. Now I am enjoying this side of the mountain!! Which side of the mountain are you on? What is holding you back? Your life is meant to be special. It is meant to be lived in joyous wonder.
I finally trusted my dentist and let him do the work that needed done on me. Do you need to trust God today to do a work on you? As much as I like my dentist, there is no comparison to God! God can be trusted with everything. Listen to him. If God is telling you to get over the mountains in your life- go! Don’t waste another moment!!
You might end up with a new crown on the other side! LOL!! Go on, shoo, get moving! Hugs, Barbara

Tags: Faith, Trust

Your Future’s So Bright, Ya Gotta Wear Shades!July 16th, 2008
Do you doubt it? I don’t! You have a wonderful life story to write! Good things are waiting right around the corner! Want proof??
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
There you have it! You have a bright future waiting for you! Know when the future begins? Now!! So le’t get moving. If you are bogged down by thinking of your past, take my hand and we will walk together for awhile. Distance from a problem often lets us see clearer. You have heard the saying, ” Can’t see the forest for the trees”. We can really be like that. We can be so close to a problem we can not see the way out. If you are in a deep forest and can not see out, no matter which way you look I have a solution. CLIMB. Find the highest tree and climb to the top. From there you can often see which way to go to get out of the trees!
Remember yesterdays mountain climber? Going up is the way, not back! So if your life is full of problems, pick the biggest one and climb it. Tackle that one. Once you are at the top of it, you will get a new view of all the rest- they are smaller! If you have several big problems make a list. Really . Write them down. Now can you see which one is biggest? if you can, climb it! Get to the top and see what needs done. Then do it! If you have written them down and they all seem huge and you can’t decide which to start on- then pick the first one you wrote down. Since it was first in your mind, it gets first attention! Climb it.
Like I said yesterday. Get yourself in order, and start. Do what it takes to get that one problem solved. let the others wait. Fix #1. Once it is gone, take a new look at your list. You may find getting rid of #1 took care of several others too!
Write down the verse at the top. Post it where you can see it several times a day. Believe it was spoken for you. You will prosper! You do have a bright future! Don’t wait, step today. Oh, and don’t forget to bring your shades- your gonna need ‘em!! Hugs, Barbara
Tags: Faith, Future, Hope

Making Your Life Count!July 15th, 2008
I see it daily. People who just plod along. They are bored, sad, angry, depressed, falling out of love, failing at their job, and down right miserable. They ask my advice. So here it is, for free:
STOP IT!!!!!!
That’s right, stop that! Stop plodding along. Stop being bored, sad, angry, depressed, falling out of love, failing at your job. and being miserable! If you are in one of those groups stop reading, go wash your face, brush your hair, get dressed and THEN come back here. I will wait……..ladeedaa…ladeedaa… hummmm….hummm…..
Ok, You awake? Clean? Now. Listen up. You are too wonderful and important to waste one more moment of your life. I mean it. Do you know how many people have ever been born on this planet? A LOT! Guess what? Not one has been, or ever will be, exactly like you. You were designed by God for this day and this time and you are important!
Your life has meaning because God made you. he put in you the exact things you need- and what the world needs from you. You have rich talents locked up inside of you. In every fiber of your being is purpose! You just need to find it. You need to realize it is there, and believe that it is there for a reason. Your life was meant to be a blessing for someone. Did you realize that? You were not placed here as some sort of endurance test.
You were placed here to do something. Inside your mind and heart is a purpose. There is. You may have denied it. You may have lost sight of it, but it is still there. The exact talent the world needs from you is in you. Stop looking at your past. Stop looking at your present even. Look in your heart. Somewhere inside of you is a longing. You may have been trying to silence it for years- or you have allowed those around you to silence it- but it is still there. Let your heart speak to you again. Let the words God molded into you when you were formed come alive. Begin to listen again with an open heart and mind. Then MOVE.
Don’t let one more day come between you and your potential. Begin. You may have a dream that will take work and years to see come true. So get started! You have wasted enough time. Don’t tell me you can’t. The truth is you won’t. You can. It is in you. Don’t give me your list of why you can’t realize your dreams. Instead give me the list of the things you are willing to do to reach that goal!
When a person climbs a mountain they don’t stand at the base and wish they were at the peak. That will never get you to the top. They don’t stand and tell you all the reasons that mountain can not be climbed. Again that does not get you to the peak. When a person REALLY wants to climb a mountain they gather materials- ropes, hooks, partners, supplies. Then they train. They get their minds and bodies ready. Then they CLIMB!! They take a flag with them to place on the top- because they do not doubt they will get there.
Where is your flag? Find it! You are going to need it! Because today is the day you begin! Hugs, Barbara
Tags: Dreams, Goals, Hope

Yesterday is Not Tomorrow!!July 14th, 2008
Of all the things I teach people, this is one of the most important- don’t miss this fact: Yesterday IS NOT tomorrow! It really is not! What-ever happened back in your yesterdays does not determine your future. You do!
We all have a past. It has molded us into who we are right now. That is true enough, but we are not done changing yet. If you are alive, you are still growing! Your future begins right where you are at any moment, because at any moment you can change course! You can decide on a new direction!
I talk to many people who let their mistakes and hurts keep them stuck. They never move away from that place of pain and guilt. Why? Because they are looking in the wrong direction. Turn around right now. Look at here and now. Today is a blank page waiting to be filled. Life is a lot like a book. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When you read a book do you read the first chapter and place it on the shelf- finished? Of course not! You keep reading! There may be twists and turns to the story that you never dreamed of while reading that first chapter! The end can suprise you! Was the end happy? Unexpected? Thrilling? The author gets to decide.
Your life is like a book. You have only lived the first few chapters. The rest is yet to come. Want to know the best part? YOU are the author! You get to fill in the days as you choose. Like the characters in a story, there may be unexpected twists in the plot, but the author decides how the characters will react and meet those challanges. You are the author of your reactions to life!
The wonder of life is in the living! It is in the fact we can keep learning and growing and loving and changing and can do it all with JOY! Nothing in your past can keep you from joy, if you will take control of your life. God loves us. He knew we would make mistakes, stumble and fall. That is why we were given Jesus, and that is why we were given each other. Jesus has paid the price for any mistake we have made- or will make, so we are free to go forward in peace and joy. We have people to love and hold our hands as we walk out this beautiful mystery of life.
This is your life. Make each moment count. Make each day a lovely addition to the library of life. May God bless you as you write the story of your life, day by day. Hugs, Barbara
Tags: Freedom, Joy

It is OK to be Human.July 9th, 2008
Really it is. We make mistakes. We say stupid things. We tell ourselves we won’t but we do. Know what? It is OK. We are not robots, that is what makes us so wonderful. We think, we feel, we love, we worry, we cry, we laugh, and it is all good. All those things make us wonderful. We are creative and magical and flawed! Yippee!! We are real!!
So, if you have really messed up till now, so what? Start again! The day is new. Start again! Wash your face, brush your hair, put on clean clothes and get back to being human. We are all in this together. We all mess up. We all fall flat on our faces. Get back up! I have fallen flat many times. i have fallen flat while trying to get up in fact! So what? I am human. I just keep at it, and you know what? Life is good!
It is not our perfection that makes us grand. It is our ability to begin again. It makes us who we are, and what we are. No matter where you are in life, there is happiness to come! No matter what you see in front of you, there is joy waiting. get back up. Take a step. Forgive yourself your mistakes and go make a future!!
We can not live in the past. It is not alive there. The past is only shadows and memories. We can not live in the future. It is not here yet. We have here and now. Embrace it. Make each day what you want it to be, because each day is really all we have. Make each day beautiful. Make each day bold! You are amazing and there is untold wonder locked in you! Share that wonder with the world. Stop looking back, look at now, and live it! Hugs, Barbara

Real Freedom On The 4th of July!July 4th, 2008
Happy 4th of July! What blessings God has given us in our dear country. We are free to vote, school our children how we choose, read what we want, travel, and live the lives we choose. No one tells us where we must live, or what we must do for a living. We can choose our own church, doctor, and laws!! I love America!!
Jesus gave us the ultimate freedom. He freed us from death from sin, and he also freed us from living under the Law of the Old testament. We have two laws left: to love God and to love each other. If we follow those two, nothing else is needed.
Some people would like to bring us back under the old laws. They want to tell us how to dress, how to worship, what songs we can sing, what movies we can view, and they want to draw lines of who it is suitable to love. God has not given anyone the authority to make those kinds of laws. Again we have two laws: To love God and to love each other.
This day as you celebrate this lovely country, remember those who died so you may live free. Jesus died so we can be truly free. Our brave servicemen have died so we can live out that freedom here in America. Remember that sacrifice this day.
This year is an election year. You live in a country that gives you the chance to vote. Do not waste that, or take it lightly. When you vote, please remember what this country is about. Many have died to give you the chance to live free. Make sure your vote allows that freedom to stand. Look long and hard at the people you vote for. You are giving them your voice. Vote not just for your personal choices but for freedom for everyone who lives here. Your personal preferances should not be law. Our laws are to protect each other from harm, and to ensure our basic freedom. Before you vote to stop any particular group from having the freedom to live as they choose- not hurting anyone- think long and hard. Who do you want telling you how to live your day to day life? Be sure you are following God’s law to love your neighbor as you vote.
Enjoy the day! May the fireworks in the sky match the brightness of your heart. Blessing to everyone this beautiful day! Hugs, Barbara

$300 catJuly 3rd, 2008
Ok, So I have a son in college right now, he is a going into his JR year this fall. He lives alone in an apartment. He works full time to put himself through school. The kid is lonely. He comes from a house full of kids, and now he is alone in that apartment. He wants a cat.
Now that seems to make sense. A cat can be alone while he is in school, and would not need to be walked. He could hold a cat while he does his work all evening. It would give him something live to look forward to seeing when he gets home each day. He wants a cat.
Of course there is the little problem of money. He is supporting himself and paying for his own schooling. You can get a free cat. I have done this in the past. That free cat will cost $100 to get it fixed, and all it’s shots. The apartment owners want $150 deposit for a pet. So we are up to $250 for that free cat. Then there is the litter box, litter, food, and the cute cat toys it will need so it will be a happy cat while he is gone. Yep, we are up to $300 ( at least) for that free cat. He wants a cat.
Being the dumb mom I am, I started “browsing” for cats. I figure it will take awhile to find one that matches what he wants. He does not want any old cat, but a black and gray stripped one. Female. Young- so he can raise her, but not a tiny kitten who would be too lonely while he is gone to school. I figure it might take awhile. He wants a cat.
So the first place i look is the Animal Rescue online. Might as well save a cats life, right? And there she is. The perfect kitten-cat. Black and gray, female, even has a cute name. The only problem is the $300 bucks it is going to end up costing us. He sure doesn’t have it. We sure don’t either. I would need to sell a lot of books, FAST, to get that darling little kitty. He wants a cat.
Anyone wanna buy a book to save a college student and his would-be cat?? He wants a cat.
Hugs, Barbara
Author of Polka-dot Star Flowers: Real Help for Real People.
Tags: Books, Cats, Love

Shut-up will ya??July 2nd, 2008
Ok, I know that is not a title you might expect from me, but really, it caught your eye didn’t it??
The funny thing is I meant it! I have several message boards I chat on. I have noticed a trend lately. A person having a rough time of it will post asking for help or support. They lay their hearts open, asking for some loving words. What they get is a long, drawn out, rude reply telling them how their problems are their own fault. I have seen some of the meanest things said to these poor souls who were asking for help. (Not money- just sympathy- support- a loving word of understanding) The responders seem to think everytime they open their mouths ( or in this case their keyboard) they should give a sermon on the wages of sin, or tell some poor person how stupid they are for making a mistake.
Where did we get that idea? I would like someone to point out to me where it says to kick people when they are down. I have read the Bible through many times, yet seem to have missed that. The sad thing is these hateful people often do it in the name of “Christianity”. Nothing about that is Christian in the least. We are told over and over to love each other. Jesus loved, and loved, and loved. His example was pure love.
There is a time for teaching, but when someone is crying out in pain is not that time. And teaching should always be done in love anyway- not in hateful condemnation. Let’s start really being Christains again, and love each other. Let’s love like Jesus did. Fully, completely, with-out thought of ourselves.
The next time someone reaches out for a hand up, grab their hand and pull! Don’t stand and give them a lecture about the dangers of drowning. Get hold and help them to dry land! Hugs, Barbara
Tags: Christianity, Kindness, Love

Birthdays birthdays, birthdays!

2008-03-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

This month we have 5 birthdays! You would think with this many kids we would have a birthday every month but we don't. Ours are very grouped together. March is our biggest month. Our oldest turned 29. The next one down 27. The twins were 11 this month and we have one more who will be 9 in another week. Thank goodness they all don't want the same type of cake!!It really makes you stop and think though- how really fast the time goes. I can remember all those "firsts" and they are so very long ago now. All the things I used to worry about are long gone. We had a lot of trouble in the beginning with the twin pregnancy. I get so very sick each time, but that was the worst. I ended up in the hospital with them for eight days. I ended up taking meds to keep the vomiting slowed down- it never did stop- for the whole pregnancy. We had to wonder if it would affect them. Then we got blood test that showed downs with them. Our doc did not even bother to tell us until the next visit- a month later, since he knew we would not terminate a pregnancy. All was fine though in reality and they had no problems. Now they are these big tall kids.And how the heck do I have kids 29 and 27?? I don't feel old enough for that! Life just keeps flowing past. I have not minded the kids growing up, it just seems it could take a little longer. Those baby days were so sweet and I am glad I took the time to enjoy them, because once they are gone they are gone. You can not go back and do them over. My house was often not perfect- aw heck, it was-is never perfect, but I have sweet memories that have lasted.The older kids, who are out on their own, do not care if the house was perfect or not. They call a lot though because over the years we really got to know each other. We are friends. I did not manage that well with my 27 year old. We went through some deep waters with her, and it shows. I learned my lesson though- the hard way, and I see such a difference in the other kids.If you wonder how anyone can have 14 kids, I will tell you the secret. PLAY. LAUGH. RELAX. If you are a normal human you will not mess them up too much, so you might as well enjoy them!! Stop worrying about the little stuff- it will mean nothing in 20 years. They will not remember the 2 year old birthday party but they will remember long walks, and fishing, and movie nights with popcorn. Enjoy your life. You only get one shot at it. Make it a good one. Hugs, Barbara

2007-10-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat and thought about how meaningful it is to be married? It really is an amazing thing. No one else is suited to be your spouses best friend , lover and helper the way you are. Each of us has in us- right now- the things we need most, to love and help the special people we call family.What more important place could you fill? I am thinking of the impact we have on the people we share our homes with.Every single day you can make the difference in their lives. Every single day you can be the person they can't wait to get home to, to wake up to see, to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with when they need to, to just be comfortable with. You are sunshine to someones life!!!
Be sure your spouse knows that you love them. That may sound silly to some of you. But truly- be sure they know. People feel love many different ways. So we need to show love many different ways. If you say ,"I love you", but never show love in your actions, it just seems false. We all need to experience the many different kinds of love to know down deep it is real. So the words , a hug and other outward signs of love mean a lot to your spouse. Showing love in tangible ways often inspires our lovers to begin to show love back in tangible ways,and the circle of love continues. It must start somewhere. Let it be in our hearts toward those we love. God bless you as you ponder your vast role in this world. Hugs, Barbara

2007-10-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon. We are at the beach today. My mom lives near the ocean and we are spending four days with her. We got up bright and early this morning and played in the ocean for about three hours. That is about all the time we can spend out in the sun at one time as I have so many fair skinned children. We can back full of sunshine, hungry and tired. Hubby went straight to a nap.

This has been an odd summer for us. We never did get any kind of official vacation this year, so this four days at the beach is our mini vacation. Sometimes life just comes at you and you need to learn to role with it. I have found through the years that fussing about changes in your plans makes no difference. Life is life and you have to take it as it comes. If you can learn to go with the flow you will spend more happy hours in the long run. Don't waste time pointing blame, or complaining when you are faced with ruined plans. Put a smile on your face and make new ones. Keep looking forward, you never know what is around the corner or over the next hill. Hugs, Barbara

2007-10-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

Good evening! How has your day been? This was my shopping day. I am always amazed at the grumpy looking people I see everywhere I go. My kids comment on it a lot too. It sure seems to me if those people were happy in how they were living they wouldn't look so miserable. I think it is time for a change. I think it is time to put smiling back on your list of daily activities!SMILE!! Send your spouse off to work with a smile. Let your smile be the thing that your spouse remembers all day as they are working.Let your smile be the thing they can't wait to get home to!

Smile!! It does wonders for you. The people around you will start to smile back, (or at least they will wonder what you are up to!)!!! Truly- you will feel like your face looks. I bet when you were dating, you smiled for that lover of yours. Didn't you delight in seeing them? Well, they married that happy smile! YOUR SPOUSE LOVES YOU! THAT IS WHY THEY MARRIED YOU! Don't let the day to day things in your life get between you and that feeling for your special someone. SMILE, they love you! No matter where you are right now in your marriage- a smile will make it better.Are you happy in your marriage ? - SMILE- let the world know it! Are you having trouble in your marriage ? - SMILE- you can make it better! Really you can! Drop that weight off your shoulders for a little while. Forget every thing that needs fixing for just one evening. When your partner comes home, smile at them, tell them you are glad they are home.If they ask why you are so happy- tell them it is because you remembered just how lucky you are to have them! God bless each of you. Hugs, Barbara

2007-10-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon! Hubby has the day off so we have been just enjoying the day together. I love being able to spend the day with him. He is my best friend and a lot of fun!

If your marriage is not a happy one, let's work on making it one.I think it is so awful that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Sadder still is that I often see people divorcing who do not have huge problems. They just "lost" each other over time. They did not put any time into loving each other. Then they will date and put tons of energy into a new relationship- for awhile. If they had put half as much energy into their marriage- they would still be married- and HAPPY in their marriage. We all want to feel special. Lets be sure we find the things that make our husbands, and children feel special.

One thing I have found is a smile! Just a smile at those we love makes them smile too! When my husband comes in a room I can't help it- my eyes light up and I smile. THAT is MY MAN!! I love to watch him walk across a parking lot. He carries himself so strong and proud, And I TELL him that! He always laughs and tells me I am a nut, but he sure looks pleased to hear it! He is my best friend after all these years! I can't help it- I watch the clock just waiting for him to get home, just so I can be with him.

God bless each of you as you ponder your marriage. I hope you will share here. I think there are a lot of nice people out there who truly love their families, but were never given any examples to follow. We have all grown up with divorce swirling around us. There are not a ton of happy marriages out there for us to learn from. Lets help each other- share what you do that keeps love alive and strong. Lets give the next generation a ton of happy marriages to learn from! Hugs, Barbara

Welcome to a world of Rainbows!

2007-10-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

“Are they all yours?” That always strikes me funny, I can't help but wonder what kind of a person would steal 14 kids and then take them all shopping for groceries with her? If I had a quarter for every time I was asked that question, I would not need to write, I could buy a TV station and share my story that way. I do indeed have fourteen children, and they really are all mine, well one is really more of a loan but I never intend to give her back (shush, don't tell) so I do tend to stick out in a crowd.

I know what you are thinking, “Am I crazy, stupid, careless, or all of the above?” I am none of those. I am blessed. “Well, you sure don’t look like you could have fourteen children.” That is usually the next thing people say when I tell them they are indeed all mine. I guess if you have fourteen kids you are supposed to look old, tired, stressed and nuts. I have been told I look as if I am living my life on a rainbow. My life is full of color and happiness. I have found the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, and it is not money, it is joy. Welcome to my world. It is a world full of life and color, that is for sure.

Yep,I am the mom to 14 kids. I only have 9 of them still at home though, so we are barely a crowd any more. They keep growing up on me. I have been blogging for over two years now, but it was on a private site that you had to join to see it. I have wanted to step out into the "real" world for awhile now, but was not sure where to post such a blog. So nice of the news to do a story on mommy bloggers just for me. Now I know where you have all been hiding.

So here I am joining you. Life with 14 kids has been a lot of fun. We have our moments like any family ( sometimes those "moments" have lasted for years. LOL.) but for the most part I am just like you, except it takes four carts full of groceries every two weeks to feed us.

Let me tell you a bit about us. My hubby and I were High school sweethearts. So much so that we married when I was just 17 and he was 19. ( Our daughter was born 9 months and two hours later.) He is an ER RN and I was until I "retired" to raise children. I have lived the life of leisure ever since. LOL. We have 7 boys and 6 girls( and one baby we miscarried) to equal our 14. They are 28,26,23,20,15,13,11,10,10,8,7,5, and 4 years old. Our 28, and 23 year olds are married. We have one grandson( He is a treasure.) and two more grandchildren on the way. Our 26 and 20 year olds are both in college. One has her BSN and is continuing on, and the other is getting a degree in Business. Life is good. Messy at times, but good.

We are a home schooling family and have been for many years. I love home schooling and have helped many families get started, or over some humps through the years, so I do quite a lot of writing about that. Feel free to ask questions on that topic if you wish.

The other place I have done a lot of helping through the years is on how to strengthen your marriage. I am not a professional anything, but have been married a long time now, and have walked through some deep water a few times. Please feel free to ask questions, but remember if you ask I will actually tell you what I think.

I topic I usually get the most questions about is raising kiddos though. Come in and share a cup of tea with me each day and we can share thoughts. I have 14 kids, and each one is unique and wonderful. None of mine is perfect, and yet each of them is. I would not change one hair on their heads.( Well, you know what I mean, two of them REALLY need haircuts right now....if I could find the clippers....) They keep me on my toes, and make me look at the world through rainbow colored glasses. You can not miss the joy in the day with a child holding your hand, besides they give you an excuse to watch cartoons and eat chocolate. God bless your day. Hugs, Barbara

Homeschooling with joy!

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What would you like to ask the mother of 14 children?

Video games and more!

More on video games!

ONLY for mom's who let their kids play computer games...:)

Workboxes in a nutshell

Bedtimes!

Filling boxes for teens!

Filling boxes for 8-12 year olds

Filling those workboxes!

Getting through the blahs.

Chin up! you can do this! part 3

Chin up! You can do this! Part 2

Chin up! You can do this! Part 1

How to get a 10 year old boy to settle down Part 2

How to get a 10 year old boy to settle down

The School Year is Officially open! (Homeschool that is!)

Homeschooling! A new year is about to begin!

Hope your weekend was happy!

Just for fun!

Boys!

Keep a watchful eye mama!

Life Was Not Meant To Be A Treadmill

Smiled lately?

It Is Never Too Late!

Being The Best

Loving God Is Not Enough

Beautiful People

What Is The Worst Thing That Can Happen?

It Can't Be Done!

Falling Flat On Your Face

Second Chances

Dirty Little Secrets.....Shuuu

I Dare You!

Giving Up

What Is The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done?

My Sin Is Better Than Your Sin

Chapter One FREE!

Might As Well Be Hung For A Sheep As A Lamb!

What Do You See?

Bringing my blogs home. Well, at least some of them...

Birthdays birthdays, birthdays!

Welcome to a world of Rainbows!